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Author search: Joe Mackay

Nails
Author	Joe Mackay
Filename	nails.tzx
Year	1999
Position	No ranking
Format	48K
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Description	Watch as lifes trials pass you buy and se your nails change levels. Truly engrossing.
Comments	Alistair: Again not really a game, also the person who wrote this cannot win as they are at the same University that my brother works at. Graham: Without even going into the game proper, this game is my favourite by the virtue of having a loading screen that features "Vince" from the excellent Rex The Runt animation series. However, after going into the actual game, I find that it confounds me intensely by playing a BEEPed rendition of a tune from a cartoon that I can't remember the bloody name of, and further shoots itself in the foot by having a graphic description of the incredibly painful process of having your fingernails removed without anaesthetic

Advanced Advanced Simulator Simulator
Author	Joe Mackay
Filename	aass.tap
Year	2000
Position	No ranking
Format	Spectrum
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Description	No description
Comments	Well now, this is just crap! Okay, so that's the point of the exercise I guess but this was just infuriatingly crap. I think there's some keyboard waggling or summat and after that there might be something else but to be perfectly honest I couldn't be arsed finding out. I do have other things to do you know! Like, um... Farting and stuff.

Bool
Author	Joe Mackay
Filename	bool.tap
Year	2000
Position	No ranking
Format	Spectrum
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Description	No description
Comments	Wow, this is really crap! It's a coin toss simulation that makes you provide your own coin! Genius! In fact I declare this game the winner!!! Oh, hang on, I don't know who it's been done by. Well, guess the prize'll have to go to someone else. Blimey, the fickle finger of fate, eh?

Fire Electric Pen
Author	Joe Mackay
Filename	firepen.tap
Year	2001
Position	1
Format	Spectrum
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Description	The CSSCGC Panel Of Judges, when we can focus on the screen through our collective gin-soaked hazes, does enjoy an unhealthily moist chuckle at the CSSCGC genre of 'dull concepts turned into unplayable games'. So we were rubbing our dry, wrinkled hands together at the prospect of playing a computerized version of that 'real world' (shiver) game where you have to unshakily guide a hoop of metal along a wire from start to finish without touching the wire, closing the circuit, sounding a buzzer and making the old lady burst into flames (my memory might be faulty on the 'buzzer' part). As it happens, the desperation of the Japanese games industry is, as they say, even stranger than the CSSCGC. Now the translation team who brought you 'Stop The Express' releases a long-overdue port of this N64 'classic' to the ZX Spectrum, with all the baffling and disarming Japanese charm that has made them the market-crushers they are today. As they say in the land of the rising sun: bon appetit!
Comments	Judge Adam: This polished entry strikes the delicate balance between overt crapness and just enough attention payed to implementation to get your joke across in stages. The game combines disarming Engrish with a fundamentally appalling idea realized very frustratingly but playable enough for the victim to play to the point where he gets slapped on the head by the author, exclaims 'GUH!' and feels like an idiot for almost beginning to take the game seriously for a few minutes. Good going.