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Author search: Chris Young

Back Of The Grid II: Advanced C5 Simulator
AuthorChris Young
FilenameAC5S.TAP
Year1998
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

Advanced Illegal Parking Simulator
AuthorChris Young
FilenameAIPS.TAP
Year1998
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

Advanced Shoplifting Simulator
AuthorChris Young
FilenameASS.TAP
Year1998
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

Advanced Windows 95 Simulator
AuthorChris Young
FilenameAW95S.TAP
Year1998
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsPress "h" and check out the multi-tasking!

Back Of The Grid: The Sinclair C5 Simulator
AuthorChris Young
FilenameC5SIM.TAP
Year1998
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

comp.sys.sinclair Crap Games Comp
AuthorChris Young
FilenameCSSCGC19.TAP
Year1998
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

Escape From The... men in white coats?
AuthorChris Young
FilenameEFTMIWC.TAP
Year1998
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

MYST Demo
AuthorChris Young
FilenameMYSTDEMO.TAP
Year1998
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

Official Hearing Test
AuthorChris Young
FilenameOHS.TAP
Year1998
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

Back Of The Grid III: Professional C5 Simulator
AuthorChris Young
FilenamePROC5.TAP
Year1998
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

The Retuners - The Game
AuthorChris Young
FilenameRETUNERS.TAP
Year1998
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

RM380Z Emulator
AuthorChris Young
FilenameRM380Z.TAP
Year1998
Position2
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

Sir Clive Sinclair: Entrepreneur Extrordinaire
AuthorChris Young
FilenameSCSEE.TAP
Year1998
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

Ultimate IRC
AuthorChris Young
FilenameUIRC.TAP
Year1998
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

Advanced Basic Debugger
AuthorChris Young
Filenamea b debugger.tap
Year1999
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionTry to debug your programs with this miracle of design.
CommentsAlistair: Not really a game, much like a lot of this years entries. Crap but not a game.

Graham: Plain crap, and obviously trying to cash in on the controversial success of Derek Jolly's winner from last year. I will not tolerate this!


Buffy The Vampire Slayer
AuthorChris Young
Filenamebuffy.tap
Year1999
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionYou must save Willow from the evil Master?!? Dunno what the hell to do other than press the number keys at random.
CommentsAlistair: Having never got a chance to watch Buffy I cannot comment upon the quality of this tie in. However the presentaion of this is far to good to get this game to the top of the pile.

Graham: This game had all the depth and playability of a normal TV/Movie gaming tie-ins and as such was indistinguishable from some of the best Spectrum licensed games like Knight Rider and Street Hawk. Sorry, far too good.


Class 1 Lawnmower Racing
AuthorChris Young
Filenameclass1.tap
Year1999
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionRace against yourself in the thrilling world of lawnmower racing, choose the best machine you can to give you the best chance.
CommentsAlistair: This game really captures the thrill of lawnmower racing, thats right it is dull, dull, dull, and very crap but once again this poor gameplay is not followed up with poor presentation.

Graham: Although this game had lots of crapness, it was all over far too soon, and didn't force me to sit through any interminably long BEEP tunes when I won. So, again it lost.


Class 2 Lawnmower Racing
AuthorChris Young
Filenameclass2.tap
Year1999
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionRace against a friend in the thrilling world of lawnmower racing, choose the best machine you can to give you the best chance.
CommentsAlistair: This game again really captures the thrill of lawnmower racing, thats right it is dull, dull, dull, and very crap but once again this poor gameplay is not followed up with poor presentation. But the inclusion of a two player mode is a real bonus as you fight over the keyboard.

Graham: Very similar to it's 1 player precursor, this is in with a chance of winning due to it's cleverly exploiting the fact that once one player has started, as long as he doesn't release his key and can fend off the other player he'll win. Truly crap.


Europe Vision
AuthorChris Young
Filenameeuropevision.tap
Year1999
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionPlay your favourite country in the Eurovision Song Contest.
CommentsAlistair: A very crap game, in that i can't even get selectd for my country. A definite close thing for the title.

Graham: This is a good attempt to capture all the crapness of the Eurovision Song Contest in gaming form. Unfortunately it's let down by the fact that I played it through to completion no less that four times and Ireland didn't win once, indicating that the programming behind the voting simulation is deeply flawed. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not, though.


Nuclear Reactions
AuthorChris Young
FilenameNuclear Reactions.tap
Year1999
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionYou control a nuclear power station with your humble spectrum.
CommentsAlistair: A very crap game, but not crap enough due to the high quality of the graphics and overall presentation.

Graham: This game immediately lost out due to it's stunning loading screen, which was far too good and made excellent use of colour. It also made out that I caused a nuclear meltdown, and I don't like having that kind of rumour spread about me.


Shut It!
AuthorChris Young
Filenameshutit.tap
Year1999
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionWatch a car move very slowly towards you.
CommentsAlistair: Again not really a game more an advert for the Sweeney, crap but not that carp also the graphics are in a different class.

Graham: This games features a full motion video rendition of the beginning of the seminal police drama, The Sweeney (shown at approximately 1 frame every 20 seconds) and digitised speech. This places it on the same level of competence as most of Codemasters releases. It also features many excellent graphics, but it cleverly avoids including any gameplay, and so could indeed win the competition should every other participant die in a horrible kitchen appliance related disaster.


Advanced Fireworks Display Organiser Managment Simulator Professional
AuthorChris Young
Filenameafdomsp.tap
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsWell, this is quite self explanitary, and it's also fulfils the prerequisite of being suitably crap, but it's not going to win because he said that fireworks which only go BANG are crap, which I totally disagree with. Things that go bang are really ace. I remember this one time I threw a can of hairspray onto our bonfire. Blimey! It went off like a bomb. Really, really funny, it was. Potentially lethal too, I'll grant you, but it's the funniness that stays with me.

Quest For Some Bloke's CD
AuthorChris Young
FilenameCFQH-HP.tap
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsWell, as you can see the game actually understood what I typed in, and if you think I'm going to let that level of programming prowess go unpunished then you've got another thing coming, oh-yes-indeedy-sir! Mind you, bonus points for only having three locations in the entire game of which one is completely useless. Just a pity that you didn't stick a few spelling errors in the parser, oh mystery author...

Erotic Pinball
AuthorChris Young
Filenameep.tap
Year2000
Position1 (Game)
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsPhwoar! Will you look at the badly digitised nips on that! Well, maybe if you squint you can see them but it's the thought that counts. Behind this dodgy front screen lies a truly awful pinball game with possibly the least realistic ball handling (oo-er!) since, well, any commercially released pinball game on the Speccy.

Well done! This is a hot contender for the crown!


Fuel Protest 2000
AuthorChris Young
Filenamefp2000.tap
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNow that's how to badly digitise a screen! Pity about me getting half of the word "program:" in the way, though. Anyway, the game has vile graphics and near incomprehensible gameplay. Well done to all involved!

Granny's Garage
AuthorChris Young and Phillip Lake
Filenamegarage.tap
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsLovely, this is everything the first game should have been - shite. Horrid nasty BASIC presentation and a completely linear quest with little or no reward at the end. Quite why they spent ages doing Granny's Shed is beyond me...

Granny's Shed
AuthorChris Young and Phillip Lake
Filenamegs.tap
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsHa! It's nice to finally play the sequel to that BBC Model B classic, Granny's Garden. Well, I say "play" but I couldn't be arsed to even get past the intro-tune (mainly because I couldn't hear it due to the whole speaker thing problem), but looking at the listing the game is flippin' huge so I advise everyone to download and play the game to make up for my complete lack of patience with it.

I might give him a prize just for pouring so much of his effort into this little number. Then again, I might not. I'm just that contrary.


Journey To Alpha Centauri
AuthorChris Young
Filenamejac.tap
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsLook at the lovely loading picture! Will you people never learn! If you want to get classified as a crap game take a tip from the artist who did the Ghosts 'n' Goblins loading screen and making it utterly awful!

Okay, now at this point some of you think it might be unfair of me to review a game based solely on it's loading screen, but Sinclair User did it all the time (um, alledgedly) so bugger off!

Anyway, on further examination the game does appear to be very crap, but I just can't get over the fruitily lovely loading picture, sorry.


More Sheep
AuthorChris Young
Filenamemoresheep.tap
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAfter your success selling the latest version of your Operating System, several days later you release an upgrade pack in order to fix all the bugs. Now you need to persuade even more sheep to pay more money in order to get the already overpriced software to actually work properly.

An impossible task, I'm sure you'll agree.

CommentsWell, I gave this game a full ten seconds of my time before breaking into it to find out what I was supposed to do, and I'm still none the wiser. However I can state with a reasonable degree of certainty that sheep are involved.

Anyway, I ran it again and waited a while and then some sheep appeared and then this bloke appeared and then two sheep appeared so I think it's some way of representing numbers as binary in the form of sheep (1) and men (0).

Then again, maybe not. Mind you, it's good and crap.


Mothership One
AuthorChris Young
Filenamems1.tap
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsTsk! Another lovely loading picture, but I'll forgive it this time as the game boasts some of the most appalling spelling outside of my coursework submission for my English Literature GCSE. The game is also nigh-on unplayable cack.

Well done, I shall be putting this one forward to the elimator round, where I pit the games against each other in a blood-thirsty battle to the death in a custom constructed solid steel arena topped with razor-wire and electric cattle prods.

Or I'll just roll a dice. Y'know, whatever.


Quest For The Golden Key, The
AuthorChris Young
FilenameQGK.TAP
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsBloody hell, it took me ages to get a grab of that loading screen without the "Program: QCK" bit plastered over it. Cant' you put a sodding PAUSE statement in your games, man?

Anyway, this looked like it was going to be a suspiciously short quest as in most of them just about the first puzzle is to find a golden key to unlock a door. Lets see how this one measures up... Oh, actually it's not a Type In Adventure at all (phew) but a tedious search around romp which cleverly avoids being tedious by placing your goal precisely one square away from you. Ha! This is really very crap indeed and as of now in my top 5 crap games for this year... Woo!


Stock Car War
AuthorChris Young
FilenameSCW.TAP
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsOh wow! I love Stock Car Racing, and if this game can convey even 1% of the excitement of the live event then I'll be a happy person. Lets see if it does, eh, readers?

(30 seconds later)

Well, unsurprisingly it doesn't. In fact it's so very awful (being a turn-based racing game - genius) that it's now a top contender to win the competition. Hurrah!


Sheep
AuthorChris Young
Filenamesheep.tap
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionYou are the marketing and sales department (yes, all of them) of a large software corporation. Your relentless dedicated and untiring followers ("the sheep") need little persuasion in order to buy your new Operating System. You have to therefore lead the sheep to the product. Upon first glance, they will all want it and buy several copies each.
CommentsHang on, haven't I already reviewed this? Yes, I bloody well have! And this version looks identical! I should blimmin' well disqualify you for trying to enter the same tat twice, Chris Young! See! See, how your greed has jeopardised the chances of Stock Car War winning the competition! Well, if there's not a very valuable lesson to be learned from this then I'll be flippin' surprised. Hmph!

Two Player Adventure
AuthorChris Young
FilenameTPA.TAP
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsWell, this is just about the most useless entry we've had yet, as it appears to be a program that simply sends data between two computers. However, the manner in which it does so is really quite clever, so it's not really crap. Actually, I can imagine if you had two Speccies and a really long tape-lead then you could have a right laugh with this program. You could use some cardboard to cover up the borders of the telly so you couldn't see that it was loading stuff and then get an elderly relative to ask the computer questions while a friend in another room typed in the answers and sent the data across! Ha!

Wow, I wish I'd had this program when I was about ten. It'd have been amazing! Far too much fun to win!


Trainspotting
AuthorChris Young
Filenamets.tap
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsWow! Look at that! I've actually management to snap-shot the screen in the middle of a CLS, and without slowing down the processor or anything! Sorry, but I'm far too excited about this result to bother reviewing the actual game! Ha! Look at what I did! Woo-hoo!

Oh, I suppose I should at least give the game a look... Blimey! It's well crap! All you seem to do is gawp at a screen while trains with different serial numbers scroll by. For me this game is utter crap, but alas I can imagine that actual train spotters would find it rivetting, especially if they set up their Speccy so the telly faced out of a window, because then they could sit outside in their anoraks while the rain lashed down and they supped luke-warm tea from a thermos. Actually, that sounds kinda' fun...

Anyway, on a global scale, taking said people into account, this game comes out at being slightly above crap. Not much above it, but enough for it not to win. However congratulations on the attempt, very impressive.


Writer's Digest Prize Draw
AuthorChris Young
Filenamewdpd.tap
Year2000
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsCrivens that's a butt-ugly combination of colours! I almost burst my eyeballs trying to read the text on this one.

Almost, that is, because I didn't really bother. Bloody hell, though, pink on red? Devil's own colour-scheme, that. Anyone else sending in stuff like that is going to feel the flat of my hand across their cheek, I tell you!

If you want to know what it's about, play it yourself, there's no way I'm ruining my eyesight just to fulfil my contractual obligations as judge of the competition.

Heck, if I'm going to ruin my eyesight there are far better ways of going about it if you catch my drift... ;)


Advanced Windows 2000 Simulator
AuthorChris Young
Filenameaw2ks.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsSays Chris: "AW2KS (Advanced Windows 2000 Simulator) will run an accurate port of Win2K on your 128K Speccy." I don't want to give anything away, but it's really not a bad'n (turn off an emulator's 'quick load' for full effect).

Buffy 2: Zombie Blood
AuthorChris Young
Filenamebuffy2.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsUnsatisfactory!

Chuntey Disruptor Simulator
AuthorChris Young
Filenamecchuntey.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsWhen I were a wee knipling (eh? -ed) I dreamed of being able to tame the chuntey. If chuntey were at my command, I could topple governments, or not, at my oh-so-fickle choosing, as long as they continued to run their payrolls and nuclear power stations on Sinclair computers.

This submission by Chris Young simulates the last thing that these poor small crawly human-units might have ever seen, if fantasy and reality weren't so disgustingly unconnected.


Collier's First Law of Usenet
AuthorChris Young
Filenamecollier.z80
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsLet it go... just let it go.

Der Schneller Laufhausen
AuthorChris Young
Filenamedsl.tap
Year2001
Position4
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionSays Chris: "This entry is based on all those foreign ZX81 games - you know the sort, you can't understand the instructions but you figure you'll try it out anyway. When you try to play the game, you haven't the faintest idea what is going on."
CommentsJudge Bike: Something in German about being chased by police? The plot was lost on me but it reminded me of some of the best nights out I've had. 4/5
Judge Bunny: The flashing colours and the repetitive noises made me think of a really good night out. 4/5
Judge Impetigo: Not being able to co-ordinate myself and being shouted at in german was like the first and last time I went to a nightclub. 2/5
Judge Adam: Lives up to Chris' claim of incomprehensibility which makes it all the more fascinating; I found I was patting myself on the back every time I thought I'd deciphered some new aspect of the game (like how to start). In short, objectively undeniably crap in every way but still eerily satisfying for a few minutes. Skillful.

F1M25
AuthorChris Young
FilenameF1M25.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsRace your Formula 1 car around the M25. Another great concept from Chris. However, apart from the terrible flicker and sludgy control this game has obviously has quite a lot of effort put into it, and the graphics might even be called 'effective' as signs and cars and lorries hurtle by in authentic painstakingly-hand-rendered 3D! Worth a look.

Mervin and Marvin's Teletext Adventure
AuthorChris Young
Filenamemmta.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsSuspicious concept, dodgy execution. Typically solid entry from Chris, and my wordage is all used up.

Plastic Men +2: Sarge's Captain's Heroes
AuthorChris Young
FilenamePMP2SCH.TAP
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsGlitchy, derivative and crap. Nice try!

"Blow this for a game of soldiers" - The Daily Mail


Pete Snow's Election Promise
AuthorChris Young
FilenamePSEP.TAP
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsSubmitted just in time to be relevant and painful, this entry accurately simulates the thrill of being a perfectly good political party who are destined to be foiled by a combination of the total fucking indifference of the UK voting public, an archaic electoral system and the fixed smile of an ineffectual prat.

Supermarket Trolley Jousting
AuthorChris Young
FilenameSTJ.TAP
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionJoust your friends with only a supermarket trolley and a mop. OR, for that true Banzai feel, pit the computer against itself and place bets on the outcome.
CommentsI'm not sure you can get away with calling your knights 'whitey' and 'blacky' in this day and age. It was probably just fine in 1982 though.

Well, anyway, this is wonderful. My only complaint is that the graphics are so clean and crisp, and the action so excitingly fluid... not to mention the options of having AI players on either or both sides. How pro-ey is that?


Advanced Stalker Simulator
AuthorChris Young
Filenameadvanced_stalker_simulator.z80
Year2002
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionI cannot criticise this game too harshly— Well, that applies to every game on this page.
I will not criticise this game too harshly, for it reminds me of my own early programming attempts. The sight of one crudely drawn stick figure lurching after another in flickery slow motion still has me rapt with nostalgic wonder.
With its two exciting stages and the racially sensitive option to choose the colour of your victim, this is a fine simulation that lacks only mutilation and body disposal features.
CommentsNo comments

Air Force Moves
AuthorChris Young
Filenameair_force_moves.z80
Year2002
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionYou are a crack helicopter pilot who must fly through 5,000 kilometres of difficult terrain in order to deliver some vital supplies to a military base.
The challenge starts on the title page, where it is quite literally impossible to define all three keys correctly. Stick with the defaults (O, P, and Space) if you intend to get anywhere.
I've played worse commercial games, and the fact that they were Crusher and Tanks on Cascade Cassette 50 is neither here nor there.
CommentsNo comments

Millionaire
AuthorChris Young
Filenamemillionaire.tap
Year2002
Position1
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionIt's amazing what a digitised picture can do to make a crap game look good, even when it doesn't involve tits.
True to form, in this implementation of ITV's hit game show (you agree that you are not a copyright lawyer), the answer you're sure about never seems to be the right one, and the audience knows nothing.
Be aware that Chris Tarrant is a finicky sod who will not hesitate to disqualify you for answering in lower case. That said, he sometimes wants a lower-case letter or even a digit.
CommentsChris Young is no stranger to crap, and has been crap himself for several years. Who could fail to forget his CGC 2000 winner, the seminal Erotic Pinball?
This year's winner, Millionaire, is riddled with so many amateurish bugs that I suspect a radical compression algorithm has been used. Unmusical, unforgiving, and basically random in every way, it will have you "phoning a friend" in tears before you even reach the ?400 mark.
Congratulations!

Sun Copyright Hero
AuthorChris Young
Filenamesun_copyright_hero.z80
Year2002
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAs always, Chris boosts his winning chances by favouring quantity over quality, and we crap gamers are certainly not ones to quibble.
As editor of everyone's favourite kneejerk tabloid, it is your task to select the sordid stories that will keep brainwashed royalists and short-skirted baby factories hooked. Fail, and they start buying the Daily Mirror with their bubble gum. Succeed, and a number is incremented by a random amount.
I'm sure I spent twice as long playing it as he spent writing it.
CommentsNo comments

Suicide Bomber
AuthorChris Young
Filenamebomber.tzx
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA crap game in bad taste, a possible winner ?
CommentsNo comments

Alan Partridge's Traffic Cone Dash
AuthorChris Young
Filenameconedash.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionThe first entry created with z88dk, but don't let this game turn you off of that development system. I challenge anyone to even grab one cone. Chris claims he managed this once.
CommentsNo comments

A.R.S.E. (Advanced Rover Space Exploration)
AuthorChris Young
Filenamejan04/arse.z80
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionQuite possibly the most accurate simulation ever entered in the CGC. Listern in vain for Beagle2, try in vain to debug sprit, download amazing pictures of the red planet. This games has has all that and less.
CommentsNo comments

Mit Senf?
AuthorChris Young
Filenamesenf.tzx
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAnother entry with foreign instructions, this time in German. Chris claims it is "...essentially it's a one-dimensional version of Klax, but with sausages." I claim it is Krap, well done.
CommentsNo comments

DANCEtrumTM
AuthorChris Young
FilenameDANCEtrumTM.z80
Year2004
Position69 (0 votes!)
FormatSpectrum
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Description*Important Note!* I am NOT an authorised DANCEtrumTM dealer, I am simply distributing illegal pirate versions of this game. Therefore, please stop emailing me about your missing DANCEtrumTM interfaces and mats as it is out of my hands and I have no responsibility for the distribution of these accessories. I suggest you all either contact Unsatisfactory Software directly (http://www.unsatisfactorysoftware.co.uk/) or keep an eye on eBay as I understand these accessories are sometimes available here, albeit **R@REly**.

I must say, I thought this game was really crap at first, mainly because the author didn't provide me with an official DANCEtrumTM interface and mat so I found it was unplayable. I contacted the author about this matter and he put my mind at ease when he explained that the production of the accessories had just been a tiny bit delayed due to his software company needing a cash injection of half a million pounds within the next week, or something.

After a month, my patience ran out and I sent in the bailiffs whilst the author was away unicycling around an island (imagine that!) but alas, all I managed to retrieve was a single mint DANCEtrumTM interface along with one mat. The interface looks suspiciously like a Kempston interface with wires sticking out and the mat looks like a large coffee-stained tea-towel. However, it seems to do the job. Now I have these essential add-ons, I can see that the gameplay is fantastic and the package as a whole is well worth the forty quid I paid for it!

CommentsNo comments

Hide And Seek
AuthorChris Young
FilenameHideAndSeek.tap
Year2004
Position36
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAnother minimal one-joke effort from a CSSCGC veteran that should keep you interested for about 45 seconds (if you are slow at reading). No instructions included but there's no gameplay to speak of anyway so that's OK. It seems that you have to help George Bush find Osama bin Laden, who is hiding in a cave presumably - oh, such original satire! All the locations are the same and the caves are all the same too. And naturally, you can't win the game either - you will never find Osama (unless that's him in the third cave, but presumably it isn't because you wouldn't need to keep searching for him if that was the case).

I'm really trying hard to think of something else to say about this very crap game, but I can't. There is nothing else to it. It's so empty it's made me totally depressed. Has anyone got a rope I could borrow, please?

CommentsNo comments

Sunset Beach: Curse Of The Deschanel Jewels
AuthorChris Young
FilenameSunsetBeachCurseOfTheJewels.tap
Year2004
Position36
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionI should have written this review (and most of the subsequent reviews below) about ten weeks ago but hey, better late than never. The reason this review is so late is because I've spent all those weeks playing this fabulously addictive crap game (and I still haven't completed it)! That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

I would describe this finely-crafted treasure as a cross between Jet Set Willy and any game from the infamous Cascade Cassette 50. It's a large arcade adventure (a multiload even) with a truckload of identical UDGs, inexcusable bugs and glitches as well as some of the most revolting choices of colours known to man. You will need to do a lot of squinting to get through this game, so please get permission from your local optician before commencing play.

On the face of it, you wouldn't think that a game with such a detailed storyline, countless different screens and a tie-in license with a hugely popular daytime soap would have a hope in hell of winning a crap game compo. After all, Macsen's Eastenders is a wonderful game! However, I think the awful yet strangely compelling Sunset Beach has a good chance of taking the CGC trophy this year, not least because I'm gonna rig the voting system to make sure of it. No, I won't really.

CommentsNo comments

Deal or No Deal
AuthorChris Young
Filenamedeal.zip
Year2005
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsIt's Deal Or No Deal, the computer game version of the Noel Edmonds fronted show. And since I never watched that, I had no idea (at first) what to do. But once I got the hang of it...

...it's quite an addictive game! I got quite excited - well, as much as you can do with a CGC entry - when the boxes dwindled down and the high value boxes were still available.

But this means it's a good game! Poor, Poor effort! 2/10


Sudoko
AuthorChris Young
Filenamesudoko.zip
Year2005
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsIn theory it's the annoying popular Sudoko game that swept the nation. In reality, I've not been able to play the game yet, because after choosing a level, it just sits there, generating the grid (I assume), flashing "Impossible Sudoko", and then generating again!

Advanced Big Brother Head of Security Simulator
AuthorChris Young
Filenameabbhoss.zip
Year2006
Position30
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionPut on your Ray Bans and dust off that old black suit - it's time to take on the job of Head of Security for the Big Brother house. Watch in boredom as the housemates mill around and (seemingly) multiply. Herd them back into the house quickly to prevent them finding out trivial events in the days news. All in all a very accurate simulation of, what must be, the world's most boring job.
Comments

Crap Factor: 8.3  Technical Ingenuity: 5.8  Achievement: 4  Fun: 3.2

Total: 21.3 - the low score is blamed on Jade Goody.


World Cup Mania
AuthorChris Young
Filenamewcm.tap
Year2006
Position25
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionShow your support for England by collecting the tacky stick-on flags for your car in this snake-game-with-a-twist-that-isn't. Realistic engine noises add to the fun. Unfortunately it's only possible to play this game at normal speed if you are now 4 years old and expect to live to 110. Otherwise - crank up the speed of your emulator, but then the pleasing engine noise starts to sound like my neighbour's scooter. Oh well.
Comments

Crap Factor: 8.6  Technical Ingenuity: 6.6  Achievement: 5.0  Fun: 2.8

Total: 23


ZXwire
AuthorChris Young
Filenamezxwire.tap
Year2007
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA port of Ackwire to the Spectrum
CommentsFirst off, we'll have to admit to some level of bias here, as ZXWire is an fully fledged (arf!) Unsatisfactory Software production. Well, half-fledged. But that doesn't let it off - we wrote it and we know it's crap. As a conversion of Palm Favourite AckWire, it's something more akin to someone's end of year accounts - a kind of Monopoly on a spreadsheet, if you will. Gameplay effectively entails entering some numbers and then waiting a bit, and then entering some more numbers, during which nobody has any idea what's going on. Even we don't know what's going on. Summat about hotels, and shares and that. We forget. In fact, we don't even know what was in the code *as it was being written.* One or two (probably more) essential features are still MIA, particularly that of any way of gauging a winner.

Fluke
AuthorChris Young
Filenamefluke.tap
Year2008
Position50
FormatZX Spectrum 16K
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DescriptionHere you can relive your enjoyment of anodyne TV gameshows by playing the part of a contestant. You know, those sort of shows that were demoted from Saturday evening slots to weekday daytime TV with horrendous budget cuts, no audience and an ill-suited minor celebrity. The beginning of this game reminds me of a famous Bullseye episode - Bowen: And what do you do for a living?. Contestant: I'm currently unemployed, Jim. Bowen: Super, Smashing, Great!. You may find the spin the pointer sub-game a little on the slow side. To maximise your enjoyment of this, convert the game to .SNA format and play it under the old JPP emulator at approx %10000 speed on a modern PC. This will also provide a nice rounded TV screen border, which seems somehow appropriate to the game.
CommentsLoved the?reckless randomness of the PAPER and INK colours, which meant I?was blessed with an almost illegible white text on yellow screengrab for the website. It is legible if you squint both?eyes, and don't mind suffering a thumping migraine later on in the day. Good use of familiar British place names helps build the atmosphere in this exceedingly crass game. I don't watch much TV anymore, but if I did, I bet this program is on most weekdays. Barring it being taken off the air due to an unexpected large scale war, celebrity wardrobe malfunction or some similar disaster. My God, that spinner just goes round and round until you are about ready to give up on the game and then about another minute longer. Cheers for that patience-testing element - I just cleaned a fish tank out whilst waiting for it to finish!

UFO: UK
AuthorChris Young
Filenameufo.tap
Year2008
Position39
FormatZX Spectrum 16K
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DescriptionThose sleepless nights and the flashing lights. Those nightmares and the missing time. Those continuous headaches and recurring sore spots. Why did these unexplained things happen to you? Well fortunately, by playing this game you may well be able to finally put your mind at ease and regain some semblance of normality in your life. Did you know that there is a (sort of) innocent explanation for most UFO phenomena? It could be as simple as some heady New Year's celebrations. The truth is in this game - somewhere. On another level, it serves as a subversive commentary on the chronic underfunding and endemic apathy that has become entrenched in many government departments. Or something.
CommentsInspired by the classic game "UFO: Enemy Unknown", this apparently hastily put together entry is rather hilarious. Taking less than an hour to write according to Chris, the game nevertheless retains that air of mischievous "off the wall" humour and jokey cynicism that characterise many of his other works.
First judging pass I wrote:-
"As I write this though I enter a state of mild panic as I realise that the compo isn't halfway though yet, and in one previous year Chris submitted 14 games to the CGC. How the heck am I still going to find interesting (or even dull for that matter) comments to write about on that many possible further games? Let's hope he doesn't do that to me! "
Second judging pass:-
"Phew, looks like things turned out fine just after all no matter how many games were sent in, but why do I still keep getting recurring nightmares featuring UFOs?"

Minemower
AuthorChris Young
Filenameminemower.tap
Year2009
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionYou expect a lot from a "classic" genre like lawnmower racing simulations, and this game doesn't disappoint (well obviously it does, that's the idea of a crap game...). The game asks for two players to choose their lawnmower from a selection of fabulous models, all described with bucketfuls of creative flair. I discovered that two players aren't actually required (that's lucky, you billy no mates - Ed.) and the game can be played by ones self by simply utilising two fingers instead of the intended one.

the tap file is here

CommentsNo comments

Real 3D Maze
AuthorChris Young
Filenamereal3dmaze.tap
Year2009
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionThe latest release from Unsatisfactory Software breaks all the technological barriers. The advanced stereoscopic anaglyph rendering engine makes you feel like you're really there in the cursed catacombs. Simply pop on your yellow/blue glasses (Quality Street not included) and dive right into the action! tap file
CommentsNo comments

Meteorite Man (or Woman)
AuthorChris Young
Filename17-MeteoriteMan/mman.tap
Year2010
Position30
Format48K
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Description419 Scam for you speccy
Comments Just before setting down for the night and went to check out my emails only to find this little gem of a crap game in my email box, sweetly deposited inside a Nigerian 419 scam! I invite you to read the email for yourself - it isn't often that you get a phishing scam and a REALLY CRAP GAME thrown in for free!

So, from the host of the CSSCGC 2007 and Crap Game Finder, here's the deal: You have been offered a once in a lifetime offer to help shift a load of valuable extra-terrestrial detritus out of South Africa (or is it America?) for a hefty cut of the takings.  The game provides legitimate proof that the offer is genuine.

In the game, you are Meteorite Man (or Woman) and you have to move your thingy left and right across the landscape and search for meteorites.  If you think you see one (you won't!) press C to chase it (if you think the key actually does anything that is) and if you are lucky you will collect a piece of rock.  If you even more lucky, returning to your lab (Q) it will go under spectral analysis to determine whether it is a valuable or junk.

This is an all or nothing game.  Finding a meteorite will win you the lottery.  Finding rocks win you nothing.  The game smells of the classic BASIC bug where moving off the left edge of the screen reverses your keys and onscreen sprite; moving off the right edge of the screen greets you with a B Integer out of range report ("it's a feature, not a bug!")

Once you have unknotted your fingers from the arcane keyboard layout and made it back to the lab with one or more potential windfalls, a nice spectral analysis of the rock is shown which forms about the only graphics worth talking about (apart from the fact that I can't help thinking that some UDGs never appear in the game due to a bug somewhere).  Sound? The odd beep.

Have a go at this game.  You WILL be disappointed.  Meanwhile, I need to make a call about some money that I am waiting for.

Say the colour and not the word (Adult version)
AuthorChris Young
Filename27. Chris Young - Say the colour and not the world (Adult version)
Year2011
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

Usain Bolt's Olympic Dash
AuthorChris Young
Filename0805225612UBOD.zip
Year2012
PositionNo ranking
Format48K
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DescriptionPlease find attached my knocked up in an afternoon CSSCGC entry. I thinkI've captured the fastest man alive in detail never before seen on theSpeccy** Mainly because this is the first time there's been a Usain Bolt game onthe Speccy.Enjoy!
CommentsWe are glad to see the man who hosts all the cgc games with a very clean fashion, submitting games. Hello chris, and welcome :DIf you are a hardcore cgc designer, you do it like Chris's way. Graphics are designed with graph paper, animation made on paper, code in basic and when you think you screwed, the game is done :)Well, the game is our regular running game, with a pinch of reality: army moves mode! Yet, this mode is still a bit easier than army moves as I managed to play about 5 seconds in UBOD.I like the disclaimer as well.

Carbon Dating
AuthorChris Young
Filenamecarbondating.tap
Year2014
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments

Choppy Bird
AuthorChris Young
Filenamechoppy_bird.z80
Year2014
PositionRunner-up
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsNo comments


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