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Author search: Paul Equinox Collins

Falling
AuthorPaul Equinox Collins
FilenameFalling.tzx Falling.z80
Year2004
Position1
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionEver wondered what Splat (by Incentive) would be like on the ZX81? Now imagine it with colours and beeps too!!! Unfortunately, this is in fact a Spectrum game and won't work on the ZX81.

Naturally, no instructions were provided with this game, so I suppose I better point out that you can only move left (press O) or right (press P). Guide your 'falling' asterix and avoid the red blocks and eat the yellow O's (the author has now pointed out that these are in fact coins - so why didn't you just make them LOOK like coins then, Mr Collins, hmmm?). After about five seconds, the game difficulty increases somewhat when it becomes apparant that you have to also avoid the white blocks - this makes the game a bit tricky and extremely unaddictive!

When the game ends, the program STOPs. RUN will not work (remarkable protection code here). If you decide you want to play again, simply reset your emulator and load the game again.

CommentsNote that the winning game ('Falling') surely only won because I stupidly didn't put a blank option at the top of the poll's drop-down selection box, so a few people would've hit the VOTE button accidentally before selecting their favourite game from the list (and thus voting for Falling by default)! Ah well, that's democracy for ya...

Infrinja
AuthorPaul Equinox Collins
FilenameInfrinja.tzx Infrinja.z80
Year2004
Position36
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionHere's Eq's second entry this year, and the first one to include a link to his rather excellent website (www.cl4.org). This is probably because his previous entry was so obscenely rushed in order to be this year's first CGC entry that it didn't even have a title screen to plug it on (or loading screen either). Infrinja is a somewhat more polished effort, but the concept alone is so crapworthy that the whole shebang is guaranteed to crash and burn, regardless of programming efficiency.

It's an evil world out there. Every day, millions of snotty undesirables are breaking the law in the most heinous ways imaginable. Despite piracy being punishable by death in many countries (true), these scumbags continue to surf the high seas of the internet, robbing those who really need the cash. It is an UNDISPUTABLE FACT that every single song downloaded for "free" (spit!) costs shareholde...erm, costs our heroes like Michael Jackson THOUSANDS of lawye.. errr, dollars. And that's all money that he could be passing on to the children! It's time to ELIMINATE these bastards once and for all, heal the world and save it from these music murderers.

Thank the almighty that The Red Cross is here to save the day! Fresh from saving a few million pointless lives in a few war zones, the organisation has now diverted its attention to a far more urgent crisis. You control The Red Cross as they bravely BLOCK the downloads and SAVE the music from being killed. The situation is already clearly desperate, as there appear to be only fifty music tracks left in the whole world! You must not allow a single track to be completely downloaded (not even YMCA) or the consequences would be unimaginable (i.e. the game will end)...

Of course, saving the music industry is a never-ending battle. So, for the sake of realism, the game is naturally never-ending too. Despite the controls being extremely unresponsive (presumably the evil downloading hackers jamming your system), it's piss easy to play (no increase in difficulty throughout) so the only thing preventing you going on forever is that the whole game is UTTERLY TEDIOUS BEYOND BELIEF. I managed to score about 3,000 points before I could stand no more. The most amusement I got was from trying to zap all the crappy pop-tat tracks I hate (e.g. Kylie) and letting the screen fill up with the decent ones like Autechre, Boards Of Canada, Aphex Twin and of course Radiohead (ahem) but the novelty of this was not immense and did not sustain me for long.

To summarise, this is an example of crap gaming at it's finest. Eq has few equals when it comes to the consistently low standards of his CSSCGC entries over the years. Watch and learn, crapsters!

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keywORd ATtack
AuthorPaul Equinox Collins
FilenamekeywORdATtack.tzx keywORdATtack.z80
Year2004
Position20
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionThis is about as fun as doing school homework. Not much good on an emulator either, as modern-day PCs do not tend to have Spectrum keywords printed on the keyboard.

Although these keywords, erm, keywORds are supposed to be atta... er, ATtacking the player, they seem rather docile to me. In fact, they don't do anything but sit there on the screen whilst a timer counts down. Con!

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LiveJournal: The Game
AuthorPaul Equinox Collins
FilenameLiveJournalTheGame.tzx LiveJournalTheGame.z80
Year2004
Position36
FormatSpectrum
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Description(Guest crap review by 'mel the bell')

Welcome to the murky world of online live journals.... try if you dare.

LiveJournal is like a shortened version of one of these old classic Speccy games Rockstar Ate My Hamster or Football Manager. In this game you have to build up as many friends as you can in 10 weeks by pressing Y for yes or N for no to the online scenarios it asks.

LiveJournal is of an adult nature with swearing, pregnancy, rape and gothic undertones mentioned in most scenarios. The game seems to use the same scenarios but even when you know the correct answer and type yes the bast has changed the answer and you lose, how infuriating and crap.

To be quite honest, there's only 10 scenarios with 2 possible answers and a couple of random answers it could be so on my second ever attempt I did end with 73 friends (hmm more than imaginary friends in real life then). Right, that's enough of that - NEXT??

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