Rudge's Theory of Muffins states that all English muffins fall into one of two distinct categories, to wit:
1. Too wide to fit in the toaster, therefore you have to cut them in half, whereupon they become too thin and burn too easily.
2. Apparently wide enough to fit in the toaster, but actually not. After jamming them into the toaster, the weak and wussy spring mechanism fails to eject the muffin, resulting in smokage, burnage and muffin wreckage.
I say this because I burnt my breakfast this morning and am, therefore, in a foul mood. Why can't muffins fit into the toaster properly? Is it too much to ask? Or is that what thwarted Britain's colonial ambitions - an inordinate amount of time spent rescuing under- or over-cooked muffins from inefficient foreign toasters? Oh - and Edward Cree (aka tiWAY) has sent in his 5th game. Damned muffins.