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Year search: 2001
Judge: Adam D. Moss [Official Site]

C64 Emulator
AuthorMike Wynne
Filename64.z80
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsA comprehensive emulation of something called a "Commodore 64", which I believe was a platform from the eighties designed for rich foreign people who didn't like decent games. Anyway, now thanks to the prolific Mister Wynne you can type in all of those lucid and educational BASIC listings designed for budding C64 programmers. The ones involving POKEs, at least.

Alex In Town
AuthorEquinox Tetrachloride
Filenamealextown.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
Format128K
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsI have mixed feelings about this one; this is edging a touch too close to the 'genuinely too good' minefield, and well worth a play.

PROS: Look, loads of bloody colour and billions of really quite nicely-drawn screens, people moving around, things that go up and down and crush you, a scary ghost, 128K music and vaguely compelling jumpy-puzzles.

CONS: Very slovenly controls (a platform game which can't acknowledge two keys together -- great!), some really sparse screens, incredibly mundane setting and, I'd swear, an insoluable phone-box puzzle. That I can't think of much worse to say about the game doesn't bode well for its craptitude ranking.

Conclusion: Has that wonderful air of 'game the author never really got around to finishing or actually making interesting' that many speccy games posessed, but moreso. Still distressingly pro-ey.


Advanced Studying Simulator
AuthorMikul?s Patocka
Filenameast.z80
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsThis entry takes a so-so concept from a worn-out genre and wraps it up in an execution with almost obsessive attention to detail and game balance. So sort of arse-about-face really, but fun-crap and worth a look.

One word of warning, though: it contains an in-game option to play this year's CSS entries. One of our judges went into a recursion stack overflow and his face just slaked right off onto his keyboard. Which was cool. The rest of us didn't like him anyway, he smelt of cabbage and had no teeth.


Advanced Windows 2000 Simulator
AuthorChris Young
Filenameaw2ks.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsSays Chris: "AW2KS (Advanced Windows 2000 Simulator) will run an accurate port of Win2K on your 128K Speccy." I don't want to give anything away, but it's really not a bad'n (turn off an emulator's 'quick load' for full effect).

Spectrum BASIC XP (2001 Edition)
AuthorSantiago Romero under contract with Microxoft Corporation
Filenamebasicxp.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsSpectrum BASIC finally gets an update (from the same people who bought you the fabulously powerful comm*d*re BASIC... almost), and it is truly a breath of sewer-fresh air.

BBC Micro Simulator 128K
AuthorSteve Watson
Filenamebbc.z80
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsQuite a glut of emulators this year, and this is just marginally the most sodding half-arsed job I've seen.

Biggest Number Wins
AuthorEquinox Tetrachloride
FilenameBIGGEST.TAP
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsThis couldn't possibly have begun to be fun even without the computer cheating.

Brickless Arkanoid
AuthorEquinox Tetrachloride
FilenameBrikless.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsSuch a simple corruption of not one but two classic games! You can think of this as either 'Brickless Arkanoid' or 'Pong With Your Head Tilted To One Side'. Wonderful.

Buffy 2: Zombie Blood
AuthorChris Young
Filenamebuffy2.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsUnsatisfactory!

Caley Hoose
AuthorRobert Mitchell
Filenamecaley.z80
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsI have to admit that I lost the plot on this one, but it does have the requisite unwholesome locations and a grand total of one mindwracking puzzle. Sort of an 'Urban Upstart' adventure for the new millenium.

CSS Catchphrase
AuthorMatthew Westcott
Filenamecatchphr.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsThe thing about these demo coders is that they're doomed to submit fantastic entries with far too much technical merit from the word go, and when the million-channel CD-quality ACBED surround rendition of the classic Catchphrase music rang out from my speakers a tear ran down my cheek.

Anyway, so I woke up in a puddle of urine and there was the ghost of Roy Walker's voice wailing all around me. "Roy, is that you?" I asked, squinting at the dark stormclouds and absently sniffing my t-shirt. People were staring. Later that evening [MORE]


Chuntey Disruptor Simulator
AuthorChris Young
Filenamecchuntey.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsWhen I were a wee knipling (eh? -ed) I dreamed of being able to tame the chuntey. If chuntey were at my command, I could topple governments, or not, at my oh-so-fickle choosing, as long as they continued to run their payrolls and nuclear power stations on Sinclair computers.

This submission by Chris Young simulates the last thing that these poor small crawly human-units might have ever seen, if fantasy and reality weren't so disgustingly unconnected.


Len's Chuntey Challenge
AuthorAlan Maxwell
Filenamechuntey.tzx
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsI still don't know how he did this. It is clearly not only a technical masterpiece, but also crap.

Commander G: First Strike
AuthorMikulas Patocka
Filenamecmg.tap
Year2001
Position5
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionMarvelous! When the oh-so-clever compressed loading screen triples loading time, you know that things can only get better.

But they don't.

And that's what's so great!

CommentsJudge Bike: I couldn't work out how to lose if I wanted to. That made me feel pretty potent. 3/5
Judge Bunny: I don't like shooty games and this was no exception and I really couldn't see the point, which is 'crap'. 4/5
Judge Impetigo: I like games that make me feel unstoppable. This one is crap and appealing. 3/5
Judge Adam: Many-faceted in its pointlessness but it's somehow mechanically compelling. Graphics blocky and ascii-y, speed a bit too fluid but tempered by nice bug-work. A really sound entry harking back to the Cascade50 tradition rather than being of the 'the in-joke is in the name, ha-ha' mould.

Collier's First Law of Usenet
AuthorChris Young
Filenamecollier.z80
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsLet it go... just let it go.

Der Schneller Laufhausen
AuthorChris Young
Filenamedsl.tap
Year2001
Position4
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionSays Chris: "This entry is based on all those foreign ZX81 games - you know the sort, you can't understand the instructions but you figure you'll try it out anyway. When you try to play the game, you haven't the faintest idea what is going on."
CommentsJudge Bike: Something in German about being chased by police? The plot was lost on me but it reminded me of some of the best nights out I've had. 4/5
Judge Bunny: The flashing colours and the repetitive noises made me think of a really good night out. 4/5
Judge Impetigo: Not being able to co-ordinate myself and being shouted at in german was like the first and last time I went to a nightclub. 2/5
Judge Adam: Lives up to Chris' claim of incomprehensibility which makes it all the more fascinating; I found I was patting myself on the back every time I thought I'd deciphered some new aspect of the game (like how to start). In short, objectively undeniably crap in every way but still eerily satisfying for a few minutes. Skillful.

F1M25
AuthorChris Young
FilenameF1M25.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsRace your Formula 1 car around the M25. Another great concept from Chris. However, apart from the terrible flicker and sludgy control this game has obviously has quite a lot of effort put into it, and the graphics might even be called 'effective' as signs and cars and lorries hurtle by in authentic painstakingly-hand-rendered 3D! Worth a look.

Fire Electric Pen
AuthorJoe Mackay
Filenamefirepen.tap
Year2001
Position1
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionThe CSSCGC Panel Of Judges, when we can focus on the screen through our collective gin-soaked hazes, does enjoy an unhealthily moist chuckle at the CSSCGC genre of 'dull concepts turned into unplayable games'. So we were rubbing our dry, wrinkled hands together at the prospect of playing a computerized version of that 'real world' (shiver) game where you have to unshakily guide a hoop of metal along a wire from start to finish without touching the wire, closing the circuit, sounding a buzzer and making the old lady burst into flames (my memory might be faulty on the 'buzzer' part).

As it happens, the desperation of the Japanese games industry is, as they say, even stranger than the CSSCGC.

Now the translation team who brought you 'Stop The Express' releases a long-overdue port of this N64 'classic' to the ZX Spectrum, with all the baffling and disarming Japanese charm that has made them the market-crushers they are today. As they say in the land of the rising sun: bon appetit!

CommentsJudge Adam: This polished entry strikes the delicate balance between overt crapness and just enough attention payed to implementation to get your joke across in stages. The game combines disarming Engrish with a fundamentally appalling idea realized very frustratingly but playable enough for the victim to play to the point where he gets slapped on the head by the author, exclaims 'GUH!' and feels like an idiot for almost beginning to take the game seriously for a few minutes.

Good going.

Freddy The Short Sighted Frogger Who Can't Swim
AuthorMike Wynne
FilenameFreddy.z80
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsThis made me laugh, and in difference to much of the arcade-games-as-text-adventures genre this actually works pretty well (which may be a disadvantage in this compo). Guide Freddy across roads and dangerous rapids with only a compass and a sharp pair of froggy ears to guide you. Features an ever-shifting environment and a 'map' for old-schoolers and pre-schoolers. Sadly pretty good.

Flying In The Sky Where The Birds Fly 2001
AuthorMario Sevillano
Filenamefsim2001.z80
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsOh, nice! A clear goal, simple controls, the option of realistic flight physics or a forgiving and whimsical 'arcade' mode... this is rather too good for serious consideration. Give it a play!

Games With Frontiers
AuthorPablo and Jaime Tejedor
FilenameGWF2001.TAP
Year2001
Position3
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionHow could you not love a collection of games which includes a game called PARCHEESI? How, hmm? Tell me!
CommentsJudge Bike: NINE games for the price of one, and I want to crush the author. Can't argue with that. 3/5
Judge Bunny: This one was supposed to have horses and drawing in it but it was sort of a rip-off. I felt like crying which means 4/5
Judge Impetigo: Martians on strike, a fleet of idling space ships, damn! This is ST:TNG level of social commentary but you just can't play it. 4/5
Judge Adam: Further into your more postmodern (*shudder*) territory, I find that ten weak jokes can actually add up to one quite amusing one. Each 'game' in the compendium looks very much like the shortest and most disappointing of the type-in-listing games from mags, with each accompanying gag more likely to raise a heartfelt sigh than a chuckle -- that's the quality I admired.

AOwen Utility Pack
AuthorAndrew Owen
Filenameif2.zip TrueFont.zip bmp2scr.zip raw2scr.zip cards.zip composer.zip
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsWell. I don't like rejecting entries even if they were written five or six years ago, aren't games, aren't crap, and are too esoteric for most people to be able to understand, let alone find a use for. Pat on the back to Andrew for the effort and technical achievement and all that, but that's not what the CSSCGC is about. Let these entries remain here as a warning to us all!

if2.zip: this one might actually be a game but I haven't gotten it to work yet, being submitted in the form of an Interface 2 ROM. Well, points for originality of format if not usability.


Known Liar
AuthorMike Wynne
FilenameKnownLiar.z80
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsA high-brow concept-piece with a gritty storyline and an amazing twist half-way through. You're guaranteed to want to play it a second time.

Lasercannon
AuthorHob
Filenamelasercannon.z80
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsMove up, move down. Shoot searing lines of energy at festively-pink sponges. Oh dear.

Magical Musical Mystery Screen
AuthorAndrew Owen
Filenamemmm.scr mmm.z80
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsSubmitted simply as a .scr (speccy loading screen only, for the viewers at home -- follow the instructions on the screen itself) this proggy is up there in the 'cute' ratings. Sadly 'cute' does not equate to 'crap', unless we're talking about Pokemon which we're not. Though I'd like to.

Mervin and Marvin's Teletext Adventure
AuthorChris Young
Filenamemmta.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsSuspicious concept, dodgy execution. Typically solid entry from Chris, and my wordage is all used up.

Mr Bean Goes To Antartica
AuthorPNC Software
FilenameMRBEAN.Z80
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsIt's crap, but in a crap way. Even one of our judges who grins cadaverously at everything -- particularly warm roadkill and needles -- went stony-faced at this one, and I could hear his teeth grinding.

Graphic Designer 2001
AuthorMike Wynne
FilenamePicdes.z80
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsThis actually entirely delivers on its promises, so it's debatable as to whether it qualifies as crap. Quite a technical feat again from Mike.

Plastic Men +2: Sarge's Captain's Heroes
AuthorChris Young
FilenamePMP2SCH.TAP
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsGlitchy, derivative and crap. Nice try!

"Blow this for a game of soldiers" - The Daily Mail


Pete Snow's Election Promise
AuthorChris Young
FilenamePSEP.TAP
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsSubmitted just in time to be relevant and painful, this entry accurately simulates the thrill of being a perfectly good political party who are destined to be foiled by a combination of the total fucking indifference of the UK voting public, an archaic electoral system and the fixed smile of an ineffectual prat.

Supermarket Trolley Jousting
AuthorChris Young
FilenameSTJ.TAP
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionJoust your friends with only a supermarket trolley and a mop. OR, for that true Banzai feel, pit the computer against itself and place bets on the outcome.
CommentsI'm not sure you can get away with calling your knights 'whitey' and 'blacky' in this day and age. It was probably just fine in 1982 though.

Well, anyway, this is wonderful. My only complaint is that the graphics are so clean and crisp, and the action so excitingly fluid... not to mention the options of having AI players on either or both sides. How pro-ey is that?


Top Shelf Challenge
AuthorDerek Jolly
FilenameTOPSHELF.TAP
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsYou're a spotty oik standing in the newsagents with sweaty palms just itching to have a furtive shufty at the top shelf mags. That was simply a statement of fact and not strictly related to the CSSCGC, but Derek went and wrote a game like that, as it happens.

As easy as it might be to suggest that Derek is merely riding on the coat-tails of Chris Young's seminal CSSCGC2K work 'Erotic Pinball' in its exploration of badly-digitised pr0n and its effect on society of the early 1980s, it's fa-- OH MY GOD MUM WAS RIGHT I HAVE GONE BLIND

PLEASE SEND HELP


Top Shelf Challenge 2: The Getaway
AuthorDerek Jolly
Filenametopshelf2.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsI am as enthusiastic about this one as I am its predecessor, although the incisive originality is somehow missing. Not bad for a rushed-to-market cash-in on the unexpected success of its predecessor.

Tunnel Escape 2
AuthorMike Wynne
FilenameTunnelEscape2.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsPhysically traumatic to look at and astonishingly devoid of playability, this takes an already-dull concept and tweaks the speed up (note: up, not down -- quite a twist on the crap game concept, crap fans, but it works) so that you are dead within 0.6 seconds of starting. Technically grand, teeth-grindingly poor.

Turbo Nova
AuthorLee Prince
FilenameTURBONOVA.sna
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsLook, I'm getting tired of writing these shitey little mini-reviews which are delicately worded to avoid giving away the joke of the submission, if any, in the hope that you'll get off your lazy pie-eating arse and actually try these games out instead of looking at the fucking screen shot and soiling yourself, you cunt. It's 23:45 on New Year's Eve and I'm writing blurb for a game that only runs on a machine that's older than some of my few remaining friends. I hate you.

So just try this game, okay? Because it's great.


Wild West Head Hunter
AuthorTomaz Cedilnik
FilenameWwhh48.tzx
Year2001
Position2
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionYoung Tomaz almost didn't submit this on account of him thinking that it'd be 'too crap to win'. Ho ho! This is a sodding great entry. An atmospheric intro promises much: nine levels of varied gameplay, a deep and involving plot, challenging AI. But then you work out how to start the game and... UNGGG... noooo... brain... blocking trauma... the horror, the horror.
CommentsJudge Bike: Really cool intro, I wanted to kick 9+ levels of cowboy ass after reading it but the game maker is a dirty cheat and a liar and I will give him a good kicking if he doesn't finish it. 5/5
Judge Bunny: I was thinking that I would not like this game because it sounded violent, but it was really very nice and slow and quiet but I don't know how to win it. 2/5
Judge Impetigo: I always wanted a gun to show the bigger kids at school who was a spotty gimp or not. I was hoping that this game would be a carthesis like quake but I want a gun much more badly now. 5/5
Judge Adam: The first entry of the year's compo to promise so much and deliver laughably little, and one of the very best submissions in that vein. Admirably done.

Super Zite World
AuthorEquinox Tetrachloride
Filenamezite.tap
Year2001
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNo description
CommentsAfter the dangerously 'okay' Alex In Town debacle (see below), Equinox returns to safer ground with another platformer, Super Zite World. Zite shares many of the positive attributes of Alex and even eliminates some of the main annoyances such as the general speed and keyboard response time, and yet somehow manages to be appreciably less interesting for quite unobvious reasons.


Matched 37 records out of 1017 currently indexed.