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How To Write...
The Professionals
CGC 2007
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Year search: 2001
Judge: Adam D. Moss [Official Site]
| C64 Emulator |
| Author | Mike Wynne |  |
| Filename | 64.z80 |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | No ranking |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
| Visit this game's wiki page for player comments, docs, discussion etc |
| Description | No description |
| Comments | A comprehensive emulation of something called a "Commodore 64", which I believe was a platform from the eighties designed for rich foreign people who didn't like decent games. Anyway, now thanks to the prolific Mister Wynne you can type in all of those lucid and educational BASIC listings designed for budding C64 programmers. The ones involving POKEs, at least. |
| Alex In Town |
| Author | Equinox Tetrachloride |  |
| Filename | alextown.tap |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | No ranking |
| Format | 128K |
| Download Archive |
| Visit this game's wiki page for player comments, docs, discussion etc |
| Description | No description |
| Comments | I have mixed feelings about this one; this is edging a touch too close to the 'genuinely too good' minefield, and well worth a play. PROS: Look, loads of bloody colour and billions of really quite nicely-drawn screens, people moving around, things that go up and down and crush you, a scary ghost, 128K music and vaguely compelling jumpy-puzzles. CONS: Very slovenly controls (a platform game which can't acknowledge two keys together -- great!), some really sparse screens, incredibly mundane setting and, I'd swear, an insoluable phone-box puzzle. That I can't think of much worse to say about the game doesn't bode well for its craptitude ranking. Conclusion: Has that wonderful air of 'game the author never really got around to finishing or actually making interesting' that many speccy games posessed, but moreso. Still distressingly pro-ey. |
| Advanced Studying Simulator |
| Author | Mikul?s Patocka |  |
| Filename | ast.z80 |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | No ranking |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
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| Description | No description |
| Comments | This entry takes a so-so concept from a worn-out genre and wraps it up in an execution with almost obsessive attention to detail and game balance. So sort of arse-about-face really, but fun-crap and worth a look. One word of warning, though: it contains an in-game option to play this year's CSS entries. One of our judges went into a recursion stack overflow and his face just slaked right off onto his keyboard. Which was cool. The rest of us didn't like him anyway, he smelt of cabbage and had no teeth. |
| CSS Catchphrase |
| Author | Matthew Westcott |  |
| Filename | catchphr.tap |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | No ranking |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
| Visit this game's wiki page for player comments, docs, discussion etc |
| Description | No description |
| Comments | The thing about these demo coders is that they're doomed to submit fantastic entries with far too much technical merit from the word go, and when the million-channel CD-quality ACBED surround rendition of the classic Catchphrase music rang out from my speakers a tear ran down my cheek. Anyway, so I woke up in a puddle of urine and there was the ghost of Roy Walker's voice wailing all around me. "Roy, is that you?" I asked, squinting at the dark stormclouds and absently sniffing my t-shirt. People were staring. Later that evening [MORE] |
| Chuntey Disruptor Simulator |
| Author | Chris Young |  |
| Filename | cchuntey.tap |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | No ranking |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
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| Description | No description |
| Comments | When I were a wee knipling (eh? -ed) I dreamed of being able to tame the chuntey. If chuntey were at my command, I could topple governments, or not, at my oh-so-fickle choosing, as long as they continued to run their payrolls and nuclear power stations on Sinclair computers. This submission by Chris Young simulates the last thing that these poor small crawly human-units might have ever seen, if fantasy and reality weren't so disgustingly unconnected. |
| Commander G: First Strike |
| Author | Mikulas Patocka |  |
| Filename | cmg.tap |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | 5 |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
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| Description | Marvelous! When the oh-so-clever compressed loading screen triples loading time, you know that things can only get better. But they don't. And that's what's so great! |
| Comments | Judge Bike: I couldn't work out how to lose if I wanted to. That made me feel pretty potent. 3/5
Judge Bunny: I don't like shooty games and this was no exception and I really couldn't see the point, which is 'crap'. 4/5
Judge Impetigo: I like games that make me feel unstoppable. This one is crap and appealing. 3/5
Judge Adam: Many-faceted in its pointlessness but it's somehow mechanically compelling. Graphics blocky and ascii-y, speed a bit too fluid but tempered by nice bug-work. A really sound entry harking back to the Cascade50 tradition rather than being of the 'the in-joke is in the name, ha-ha' mould. |
| Der Schneller Laufhausen |
| Author | Chris Young |  |
| Filename | dsl.tap |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | 4 |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
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| Description | Says Chris: "This entry is based on all those foreign ZX81 games - you know the sort, you can't understand the instructions but you figure you'll try it out anyway. When you try to play the game, you haven't the faintest idea what is going on." |
| Comments | Judge Bike: Something in German about being chased by police? The plot was lost on me but it reminded me of some of the best nights out I've had. 4/5
Judge Bunny: The flashing colours and the repetitive noises made me think of a really good night out. 4/5
Judge Impetigo: Not being able to co-ordinate myself and being shouted at in german was like the first and last time I went to a nightclub. 2/5
Judge Adam: Lives up to Chris' claim of incomprehensibility which makes it all the more fascinating; I found I was patting myself on the back every time I thought I'd deciphered some new aspect of the game (like how to start). In short, objectively undeniably crap in every way but still eerily satisfying for a few minutes. Skillful. |
| F1M25 |
| Author | Chris Young |  |
| Filename | F1M25.tap |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | No ranking |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
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| Description | No description |
| Comments | Race your Formula 1 car around the M25. Another great concept from Chris. However, apart from the terrible flicker and sludgy control this game has obviously has quite a lot of effort put into it, and the graphics might even be called 'effective' as signs and cars and lorries hurtle by in authentic painstakingly-hand-rendered 3D! Worth a look. |
| Fire Electric Pen |
| Author | Joe Mackay |  |
| Filename | firepen.tap |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | 1 |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
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| Description | The CSSCGC Panel Of Judges, when we can focus on the screen through our collective gin-soaked hazes, does enjoy an unhealthily moist chuckle at the CSSCGC genre of 'dull concepts turned into unplayable games'. So we were rubbing our dry, wrinkled hands together at the prospect of playing a computerized version of that 'real world' (shiver) game where you have to unshakily guide a hoop of metal along a wire from start to finish without touching the wire, closing the circuit, sounding a buzzer and making the old lady burst into flames (my memory might be faulty on the 'buzzer' part). As it happens, the desperation of the Japanese games industry is, as they say, even stranger than the CSSCGC. Now the translation team who brought you 'Stop The Express' releases a long-overdue port of this N64 'classic' to the ZX Spectrum, with all the baffling and disarming Japanese charm that has made them the market-crushers they are today. As they say in the land of the rising sun: bon appetit! |
| Comments | Judge Adam: This polished entry strikes the delicate balance between overt crapness and just enough attention payed to implementation to get your joke across in stages. The game combines disarming Engrish with a fundamentally appalling idea realized very frustratingly but playable enough for the victim to play to the point where he gets slapped on the head by the author, exclaims 'GUH!' and feels like an idiot for almost beginning to take the game seriously for a few minutes.
Good going. |
| Games With Frontiers |
| Author | Pablo and Jaime Tejedor |  |
| Filename | GWF2001.TAP |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | 3 |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
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| Description | How could you not love a collection of games which includes a game called PARCHEESI? How, hmm? Tell me! |
| Comments | Judge Bike: NINE games for the price of one, and I want to crush the author. Can't argue with that. 3/5
Judge Bunny: This one was supposed to have horses and drawing in it but it was sort of a rip-off. I felt like crying which means 4/5
Judge Impetigo: Martians on strike, a fleet of idling space ships, damn! This is ST:TNG level of social commentary but you just can't play it. 4/5
Judge Adam: Further into your more postmodern (*shudder*) territory, I find that ten weak jokes can actually add up to one quite amusing one. Each 'game' in the compendium looks very much like the shortest and most disappointing of the type-in-listing games from mags, with each accompanying gag more likely to raise a heartfelt sigh than a chuckle -- that's the quality I admired. |
| AOwen Utility Pack |
| Author | Andrew Owen |  |
| Filename | if2.zip TrueFont.zip bmp2scr.zip raw2scr.zip cards.zip composer.zip |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | No ranking |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
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| Description | No description |
| Comments | Well. I don't like rejecting entries even if they were written five or six years ago, aren't games, aren't crap, and are too esoteric for most people to be able to understand, let alone find a use for. Pat on the back to Andrew for the effort and technical achievement and all that, but that's not what the CSSCGC is about. Let these entries remain here as a warning to us all! if2.zip: this one might actually be a game but I haven't gotten it to work yet, being submitted in the form of an Interface 2 ROM. Well, points for originality of format if not usability. |
| Supermarket Trolley Jousting |
| Author | Chris Young |  |
| Filename | STJ.TAP |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | No ranking |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
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| Description | Joust your friends with only a supermarket trolley and a mop. OR, for that true Banzai feel, pit the computer against itself and place bets on the outcome. |
| Comments | I'm not sure you can get away with calling your knights 'whitey' and 'blacky' in this day and age. It was probably just fine in 1982 though. Well, anyway, this is wonderful. My only complaint is that the graphics are so clean and crisp, and the action so excitingly fluid... not to mention the options of having AI players on either or both sides. How pro-ey is that? |
| Top Shelf Challenge |
| Author | Derek Jolly |  |
| Filename | TOPSHELF.TAP |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | No ranking |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
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| Description | No description |
| Comments | You're a spotty oik standing in the newsagents with sweaty palms just itching to have a furtive shufty at the top shelf mags. That was simply a statement of fact and not strictly related to the CSSCGC, but Derek went and wrote a game like that, as it happens. As easy as it might be to suggest that Derek is merely riding on the coat-tails of Chris Young's seminal CSSCGC2K work 'Erotic Pinball' in its exploration of badly-digitised pr0n and its effect on society of the early 1980s, it's fa-- OH MY GOD MUM WAS RIGHT I HAVE GONE BLIND PLEASE SEND HELP |
| Turbo Nova |
| Author | Lee Prince |  |
| Filename | TURBONOVA.sna |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | No ranking |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
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| Description | No description |
| Comments | Look, I'm getting tired of writing these shitey little mini-reviews which are delicately worded to avoid giving away the joke of the submission, if any, in the hope that you'll get off your lazy pie-eating arse and actually try these games out instead of looking at the fucking screen shot and soiling yourself, you cunt. It's 23:45 on New Year's Eve and I'm writing blurb for a game that only runs on a machine that's older than some of my few remaining friends. I hate you. So just try this game, okay? Because it's great. |
| Wild West Head Hunter |
| Author | Tomaz Cedilnik |  |
| Filename | Wwhh48.tzx |
| Year | 2001 |
| Position | 2 |
| Format | Spectrum |
| Download Archive |
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| Description | Young Tomaz almost didn't submit this on account of him thinking that it'd be 'too crap to win'. Ho ho! This is a sodding great entry. An atmospheric intro promises much: nine levels of varied gameplay, a deep and involving plot, challenging AI. But then you work out how to start the game and... UNGGG... noooo... brain... blocking trauma... the horror, the horror. |
| Comments | Judge Bike: Really cool intro, I wanted to kick 9+ levels of cowboy ass after reading it but the game maker is a dirty cheat and a liar and I will give him a good kicking if he doesn't finish it. 5/5
Judge Bunny: I was thinking that I would not like this game because it sounded violent, but it was really very nice and slow and quiet but I don't know how to win it. 2/5
Judge Impetigo: I always wanted a gun to show the bigger kids at school who was a spotty gimp or not. I was hoping that this game would be a carthesis like quake but I want a gun much more badly now. 5/5
Judge Adam: The first entry of the year's compo to promise so much and deliver laughably little, and one of the very best submissions in that vein. Admirably done. |
Matched 37 records out of 1017 currently indexed.
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