Unsatisfactory Software Misc
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Crap Game Finder


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Year search: 2003
Judge: Dave the Lurker [Official Site]

Anti ISDA Warrior
AuthorVentzislav Tzvetkov
FilenameAntiISDA_Warrior.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA wonderfully poor 'Space Invaders' clone. Made even 'better' by the fact the direction keys don't work.
CommentsNo comments

Apple Tree
AuthorRasmus Palbo
FilenameAppleTree.z80
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA third game from Rasmus and they just keep getting worse! Fantastic. Cyan and yellow on a green background for the text and the requirement to enter a password to quit the game improve this 'uns chances greatly.
CommentsNo comments

Ascent
AuthorEq
Filenameascent.tzx
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAn addictive little game, quite well done. It proves (to me at least) that you can have a good cgc entry that doesn't have porn in it.
CommentsNo comments

Aboriginal Minesweeper
AuthorMatt Westcott
Filenameaugust/abormine.zip
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionThe second of this months entries, again very playable. This would possibly have sold well if released in 1983.
CommentsNo comments

Bowling Masters
AuthorVentzislav Tzvetkov
Filenameaugust/Bowling_Masters.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionWonderfully playable.
CommentsNo comments

Hair Fighter Turbo
AuthorAllen Doe
Filenameaugust/hairfighterturbo.TAP
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionYay! A figfhting game I can win at. I like it.
CommentsNo comments

Herotocrap
AuthorNandotur
Filenameaugust/HerotoCrap.zip
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionVoyage through a sexual odyssey with a couple of badly digitized vixens. If you weren't frustrated before loading this, you certainly will be. Truly abysmal.
CommentsNo comments

Zx Uindouz
AuthorNandotur
Filenameaugust/ZxUindouz.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionNot really a game and not really crap. A good attempt though. It does actually seem to do 'something' even if the text editor does not understand new lines and decides any attempt to type @ means you want to save your work.
CommentsNo comments

Advanced Weapons Inspector Simulator
AuthorZoff
Filenameblix.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAll the thrills and spills of being an international weapons inspector, but none of the paperwork. Although after about level 10 you'll be wishing there was some paperwork or even a nice meeting to attend, anything really.
CommentsNo comments

Suicide Bomber
AuthorChris Young
Filenamebomber.tzx
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA crap game in bad taste, a possible winner ?
CommentsNo comments

Bottomless Pit
AuthorDerek Jolly
Filenamebottomless.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionJust what the CGC needs, a nice simple text adventure. Based on Thomas M. Disch's classic short story "Descending" perhaps?
CommentsNo comments

Bros: The Music Box
AuthorLee Prince
FilenameBros The Music Box.tzx
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionArgh! My ears.
CommentsNo comments

Bungeeee
AuthorAndy Kavanagh
Filenamebungeeee.tzx
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAll the fun of jumping off a bridge with an elastic band tied around your ankles without the screaming, vomiting and bloody mess on the floor.
CommentsNo comments

Advanced Chuntey Simulator
AuthorFuzzbucket
Filenamechuntey.tzx.zip
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionQuite possibly the most realistic simulation ever. This had me sobbing at the computer as I remembered all those times Mum walked in just as Sabre Wulf was about to finish loading.
CommentsNo comments

Super Cold War Simulator
AuthorMonkey
FilenameColdwar.tzx.zip
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionImagine if someone had managed to port the "Global thermonuclear warfare" game from the film Wargames to the speccy. Got it? It would be great wouldn't it? Armies to command, bombs to launch, etc.

This game is almost but not quite entirely unlike that.

CommentsNo comments

Alan Partridge's Traffic Cone Dash
AuthorChris Young
Filenameconedash.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionThe first entry created with z88dk, but don't let this game turn you off of that development system. I challenge anyone to even grab one cone. Chris claims he managed this once.
CommentsNo comments

Crap Invaders
AuthorWoody
Filenamecrapinvaders3.tap
Year2003
Position1
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionThe good folks in c.s.s said it best:

Waaaaaaaaaay too good. It's fast, the graphics are animated, and it's addictively play-tastic!
Actually I've probably *paid* for worse games than that. You're the worst CSSCGC author ever!
How can you possibly expect to win with a game of that quality???
CommentsNo comments

Craptris
AuthorEq
Filenamecraptris.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAnother entry by Eq, this time it is yet another remake of Tetris. This one truly is crap, though. It plays too fast and the pieces seem to take an age to rotate. Expertly done!
CommentsNo comments

Alma de Guerrero
AuthorSergio Vaquer (Beyker)
Filenamedecember/Alma_de_guerrero.zip
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionThis seems to be some kind of chaos clone. I was unable to play it for very long seeing as I can't read much Spanish.

Extra crap value for being almost unplayable without resorting to a dictionary.

CommentsNo comments

Amnesia
AuthorPaul Collins (Eq)
Filenamedecember/amnesia.tzx
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionUtterly linear in concept, this game involves moving about all the identical rooms and searching them all (by pressing the search key). After repeating this process about three times, you then have to type in about 100 similar phone numbers until you stumble across the correct one. And that's it. Total crap. I'm sure there was something else I meant to add, but.... nope sorry, it's gone... next!
CommentsNo comments

Castillo Maldito
AuthorSergio Vaquer (Beyker)
Filenamedecember/Castillo_Maldito.rar
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA pretty good game, I've paid for worse games than this.
CommentsNo comments

Life
AuthorStanley Hrda
Filenamedecember/life.z80
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionDon't be overawed by the pretentious title, it's just a sort of low-resolution fractal generator, basically. And a crappy slow one at that (with the pathetic excuse of expecting you to run your emulator at full speed, which is not much good on a real Spectrum, is it?). After about half an hour you will have a screen full of character blocks in various random colours. There is no point to it. It pretends to be all clever and mathematical but it isn't. In 1954, it might've been impressive. But it's not. It's crap.
CommentsNo comments

Mega Rally
AuthorFikee
Filenamedecember/MegaRally.TZX
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionWhat's this then? - Introduction screen with custom scroller and an End game screen with animated spirally bits? Far too polished for a CSSCGC. Do animated explosions and machine code have a place in this competition? The one redeeming feature of this game is its sheer monotony - The only way to lose is if you fall asleep playing it. Thankfully the Intro and End Game are severely let down by a complete lack of gameplay.
CommentsNo comments

RCSSCGC2003 Entry
AuthorNiall Wallace
Filenamedecember/NiallsEntrytoCSSCGC2003.tzx
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionBasic loader followed by speedloader for screen and data - says "get ready"
press key - get basic string input request and gives a badly spelled message followed by a STOP statement

However if you've not got anything more fun to do with your life, such as have your toenails ripped out - you can find other stuff in the listing - a crap, single input adventure game with yet more bad spelling and grammar that takes you to the same point whatever you said as the IF THEN GOTO for any other response other than "a girl" wasn't there to take you to another> section - which has more or less the same result than if you said "a girl" anyway.

Truly abysmal - think I'll go and listen to The Smiths - Girlfriend In A Coma to cheer myself up.

CommentsNo comments

Pitfall
AuthorSergio Vaquer (Beyker)
Filenamedecember/PitfallZX.zip
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionEver wondered what it would be like to jump over pits for no apparent reason wearing a bowler hat and high heeled boots? Then wonder no-more. This would have made a far better cgc entry if it wasn't so playable and well designed. Obviously *TOO* much thought went into this one.
CommentsNo comments

Robbyie
AuthorVentzislav Tzvetkov
Filenamedecember/Robbyie.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA rather addictive little game The two control keys are soon mastered.

 

What is it with this month, all games are far too good so far...

CommentsNo comments

Saving Jessica Lynch
AuthorLCD
Filenamedecember/SJL.TAP
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAn excellent loading screen and a political statement. Nothing at all resembling a game however. Some how I can't see this being released as the official 'game of the film' that will probably get made about this farce.
CommentsNo comments

Drag Racer
AuthorDerek Jolly
Filenamedragracer.tap
Year2003
Position4
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionDerek's second entry this year, and it is a cracker. You will not believe the speed at which the cars race down the track, there is none of that fancy control either, just a nice simple make-it-go button. Great!
CommentsNo comments

Amazing Tony Blair Experiment, The
AuthorCrackfiend
Filenameflimflam.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionWonderful !
CommentsNo comments

Fruity
AuthorGarry Male
FilenameFruity.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionThis arrived in my inbox with the following message:

"I was just doing some general surfing, in particular looking for stuff about the Cascade 50 collection (which I only bought because it had a free calculator watch with it) when I came across the c.s.s.c.g.c. I thought I may as well have a go so here is my (first?) entry, a fruit machine sim. I'm not entirely sure whether I have got the right end of the stick, but I think it qualifies."

It does indeed qualify Garry, it is badly programmed. half finished and has a really tuneless rendition of the death march. Wonderful, you have really got the hang of this CGC lark.

CommentsNo comments

Crap Galge Game
AuthorRasmus Palbo
FilenameGalgeGame.z80
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA great start to the competition, the instructions are in Danish and I had to resort to listing the program to find what key to press to start the game. Once the game is actually started it does let itself down by being an almost playable hangman clone, the cheat mode / Krap Hint mode that tells you the word is inspired, even I can win with this.
CommentsNo comments

Grand Prix
AuthorBad Beard
FilenameGrandPrix.tzx
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionThe prequel to last year's "A Day At The Races". All the fun of the grand prix without the crashes (so not fun really then? -Ed)
CommentsNo comments

Hypadull
AuthorAnders Carlsson
Filenamehypadull.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA one player pong-type-thing with an annoying tune when the time runs out.

Keys: Z and X to move you about.

CommentsNo comments

iPAQ Attack
AuthorAndy Kavanagh
Filenameipaq.z80
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAn attempt by deKay to show it is possible to program for the speccy on a keyboard-less handheld.
<Audience-participation-style=pantomime> Oh no it isn't </Audience-participation-style>
CommentsNo comments

A.R.S.E. (Advanced Rover Space Exploration)
AuthorChris Young
Filenamejan04/arse.z80
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionQuite possibly the most accurate simulation ever entered in the CGC. Listern in vain for Beagle2, try in vain to debug sprit, download amazing pictures of the red planet. This games has has all that and less.
CommentsNo comments

C64 Emulator
AuthorA.J. Moss
Filenamejan04/cbm64.TZX
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAn accurate C64 emulator with a little extra.
CommentsNo comments

Lister
AuthorA.J. Moss
Filenamejan04/lister.TZX
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA rather lackluster game cobbled together in an attempt to cash in on the lister bashing of recent years. Good work.
CommentsNo comments

Microsoft Flight Simulator - Al Qaeda Edition
AuthorA.J. Moss
Filenamejan04/msfltsim.TZX
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA rather lackluster game cobbled together in an attempt to cash in on the George Bush bashing of recent years. Good work.
CommentsNo comments

Amazing Unofficial Radiohead Adventure, The
AuthorJim
Filenamejan04/radiohead.tap
Year2003
Position2
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionThe adventure game the spectrum has been crying out for. Entirely programmed in basic, it uses all avaliable ram and is still unfinished, or so I'm told.

Download it - play it- vote!

Come on, this is the last entry for this year! It deserves your attention.

CommentsNo comments

Advanced Albatross Simulator
AuthorZoff
Filenamejuly/alb.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAlmost as much fun as a proper flight sim, but without the ability to pull the undercarriage up before you take off, resulting in a nice crash. Bonus for not saving the basic loader as an autostart.
CommentsNo comments

Chuckle Brothers Golf
AuthorAllen Doe
Filenamejuly/ChuckleGolf.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionIt has it's own font. It is (just about) playable. I can't say any more.
CommentsNo comments

Advanced Andean Condor Simulator
AuthorZoff
Filenamejuly/cnd.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionThe loading screen promises so much. The best that can be said of this is that it is a wonderful example of code re-use.
CommentsNo comments

Advanced Glider Simulator
AuthorZoff
Filenamejuly/gli.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionCan you guess what it is yet? Hint: play his other two 'games'.
CommentsNo comments

Advanced Skydiving Simulator
AuthorZoff
Filenamejuly/sky.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAnother stunning example of code re-use, but this does have an element of skill. Skill in that you get about half a microsecond to hit R to open the parachute.
CommentsNo comments

Testcard Simulator
AuthorAllen Doe
Filenamejuly/TESTCARD.TAP
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionStunning. No truly, I had my speaker on full when this finished loading.
CommentsNo comments

Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen's Advanced Wallpaper Construction Kit
AuthorMonkey
FilenameLLBAWCK.TAP
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionLL-B criticizes you wallpaper as he generates it. Mmmmm, wallpaper 666 $HOMER
CommentsNo comments

Low Resolution Fox
AuthorDave The Lurker
Filenamelrf.zip
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionIn what can only be described as a poor excuse to display badly digitized porn using as few colors as possible (ie monochrome), the "Low Resolution Fox" game requires you to identify the hastily digitized "munter" from it's gallery of 1bit wonders. The only thing more tragic than this would be the sexually retarded individual who plays it slightly longer than necessary. Crap.
CommentsNo comments

Lying Minesweeper
AuthorEq
Filenamelying.tzx
Year2003
Position3
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionIt is minesweeper, but it lies as to where the mines are. Inspired? Or just buggy coding? You decide.
CommentsNo comments

Manic Maths
AuthorDerek Jolly
Filenamemanicmaths.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAn, and I use this word very loosely, "educational" game featuring the the goddess of the numbers from channel 4 tea times, Carol Vorderman.
CommentsNo comments

Millionaire (Cheating Bast Edition)
AuthorMatt Westcott
Filenamemillionaire_cheating_bast_edition.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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Description<Cough> Umm, Haven't we seen this somewhere else...
CommentsNo comments

Nightmare Park
AuthorBad Beard
FilenameNightmare_Park.zip
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionPretty addictive and dare I say it, far too good. I've paid for worse games than this *sob*
CommentsNo comments

Garden
AuthorVentzislav Tzvetkov
Filenamenovember/Garden.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA suprisingly playable almost pacman-alike. Just slow enough to still fall into the relms of grap gaming. A fine entry!
CommentsNo comments

Strip Stone-Paper-Scissors
AuthorAnders Carlsson
Filenamenovember/stripspc.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionYou are left alone at home, your mates don't want to go to the pub. So what are you going to do? Why, play strip stone-paper-scissors which some random girl of course! A rather tame effort given some of the 4bit hardcore porn that has passed for a game this year...
CommentsNo comments

Nun Catcher
AuthorNick Fleming
Filenamenuncatcher.zip
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAn entry in machine code? With the source? With large sprite-type things? What was he thinking?

Its great, I love it. It is probably far too good to win though.

CommentsNo comments

David Blaine's Binge Bonanza!
AuthorSteven Kirby
Filenameoctober/Blaine.sna
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionCan you help Mr Blane fatten up for his 44 days in a box trick? Do you really care?
Guide David around the screen, gobbling burgers and avoiding the meat is murder protestors, then see if you can starve off starvation in the box.

Wonderfully slow jerky animation and poor sound effects galore in this entry.

CommentsNo comments

Pap Idol
AuthorSpike
FilenamePapIdol.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionCrap game, crap music, crap idea. It'll go a long way...
CommentsNo comments

Quandary
AuthorZoff
Filenamequandary.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAn amusing logic game, quite possibly far too good.
CommentsNo comments

Scissors, Paper, Stone
AuthorZoff
FilenameScis.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAn honor system based version of the classic game. Ideal for all those times when you want to challenge a mate to a game, but can't be bother to use your hands and you just happen to have a speccy handy.
CommentsNo comments

Sega Rally
AuthorAndy Kavanagh
Filenamesegarally.tzx
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionArcade quality graphics [1] and no annoying voice telling to do this, do that, "don't drive the wrong way", "don't drive into the other cars", etc.

 

 

[1] Maybe 1970's quality but...

CommentsNo comments

Mit Senf?
AuthorChris Young
Filenamesenf.tzx
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAnother entry with foreign instructions, this time in German. Chris claims it is "...essentially it's a one-dimensional version of Klax, but with sausages." I claim it is Krap, well done.
CommentsNo comments

CHEFREN - The Curse of the Egyptian Tomb
AuthorPaolo Perrotta
Filenameseptember/chefren.zip
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionFar, far, far, far, far too good. But it is written in BASIC, so we will let it off.
CommentsNo comments

Labyrinth
AuthorVentzislav Tzvetkov
Filenameseptember/Labyrinth.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionClaims to be the hardest maze game on the speccy. It doesn't quite live up to this challange. A poor effort, well done!
CommentsNo comments

Top Shelf Challenge 4
AuthorDerek Jolly
Filenameseptember/tsc4.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionThe continuation of the series that we have all come to know and love. This time it sees you looking for porn in the bushes.
CommentsNo comments

Super Amazing Filler Alpha 3
AuthorDerek Jolly
Filenamesf3.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionDoes he really think the gratuitous scantily clad girly in the loading screen will improve this second-rate etch-a-sketch cum snakes clone?
CommentsNo comments

Shitecycles
AuthorCrackfiend
Filenameshitecycles.z80
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionIt is like lightcycles, but crap. A wonderful use of unreadable colour combinations for the intro text adds the finishing touches and it plays too fast!
CommentsNo comments

Skydive
AuthorPaul Glover
Filenameskydive-csscgc03.tzx
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionThree, count them, three, loading screens lead you to believe that you may be about to play something good, then this games starts instead. It is a wonderful example of a CGC entry and even has a buffer overflow (as shown in the screenshot).
CommentsNo comments

Advanced Random Slayer Guitar Solo Generator
AuthorFuzzbucket
FilenameSLAYER.Z80
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAlmost as good as the real thing. I hope you have this music making algorithm patented Fuzz.
CommentsNo comments

Spectrum Magic
AuthorMonkey
FilenameSpectrum Magic.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionTake the best of David Blaine, Paul Daniels and David Copperfield, now throw it away and make a crap game with what is left.

AMAZING!

CommentsNo comments

SpriteTest
AuthorNick Fleming
Filenamespritetest.zip
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
Distribution Denied
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DescriptionInfo from the author:

Was cobbled together in about 2 evenings from "bits of machine code laying around". I've left in the test code (sprite wandering) because it seemed too dull without it.

Source code has been provided as its more fun messing about with that than it is playing the game. It's also impossible to complete it without actually adding the 'game over' routines yourself. I can't be arsed personally.

I only did it cos there was nowt on the telly.

CommentsA game so crap that the author withdrew it from the compo soon after it was entered.

Steal Candy
AuthorRasmus Palbo
FilenameStealCandy.z80
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA second game from Rasmus, this one is much more in keeping with the spirit of Cassette 50. The game sports poor keyboard response , slow 'animation' and complete unplayability - the hallmarks of a truly crap game.
CommentsNo comments

Super Maze
AuthorZoff
FilenameSuperMaze.z80
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionOnly for the truly masochistic.
CommentsNo comments

Touch My Spectrum
AuthorMonkey
Filenametouchmyspectrum.tzx.zip
Year2003
Position4
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionA second entry by Monkey, I won't spoil the surprise, but I'll you'll never get on the high score table with out cheating, unless you are very, very sad.
CommentsNo comments

Vulcan Bomber
AuthorZoff
Filenamevulcan.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionAs once said [(to be said) ? this future past tense lark isn't easy you know!] by a famous Vulcan :
"The needs of the few outweigh the needs of the many"
So blow up that city and land your plane.
CommentsNo comments

Who's At The Door?
AuthorZoff
Filenamewho.tap
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
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DescriptionCan you get off your arse and answer the door? Who knows what you might miss if you don't ?
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ZX Maze
AuthorSantiago Romero
Filenamezxmaze.zip
Year2003
PositionNo ranking
FormatSpectrum
Download Archive
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DescriptionA good idea made crap by the inclusion of only one level. I'm sure if we all dug out those dusty C90s packed with half finished games we were writing back in the 80s/90s there would be plenty of games like this on there. Excellent!

Because I'm feeling generous (not because it is playing with a new emulator, not at all -Ed) I've put an RZX of this game here (zxmaze.rzx). Just in case it is a bit hard for some (f'nar).

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