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Year search: 2008
Judge: Digital Prawn [Official Site]

Advanced 10 PRINT Simulator
Author	DrUnKeN mAsTeR
Filename	10_PRINT_sim.rar
Year	2008
Position	114
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	On this crisp January day, it gives me great pleasure to welcome you to the first CSSCGC 2008 game of 2009! (Which makes sense only within the tortured logic of CGC compo organisation). Fans of CSSCGC 2008'sAdvanced 10 PRINT Hello 20 GO TO 10 Simulator &Advanced 10 PRINT HELLO; 20 GOTO 10 Simulator 128K Edition are truly being sploit. Surely you are going find it difficult to contain your excitement at Advanced 10 PRINT Simulator. You do need to collect the entrie set, so make sure you have this one saved on your HDD in the same directory as the others and then we'll begin. Now, just take a moment to compose yourselves, for here we have reached something of a pinnacle in the PRINT...Simulator genre. The supplied documentation file is one of the best I've seen. Certainly not overly technical, and with a welcome spot of comic relief. Rodnay Zaks would be impressed I'm sure and is it possibly cheeky for me to suggest it may have even taken longer to put together than the program itself. As for a preliminary investigation of the BASIC code, we see it is fully documented in the source, easing concerns about future maintainability. We also reach the dizzy heights of line 40. But the best thing about this title is probably the limitless customisation. The manual gives some outlandish examples of this, including a warning system for those with a potential gonad persperation problem.
Comments	I awarded 3.0 for the game and added 1.2 for the amusing manual that accompanies it! Not since the retirement of Johnny Ball have we joyfully enjoyed bunking off work to watch some schools programs whilst pratting around with a bit of futile BASIC coding. All I'll say is that this one follows a long tradition of PRINT simulator games and is mildly more entertaining than?getting a?nose bleed halfway up mount Everest. Perhaps not a stocking filler but at least it is a screen filler.

16K Spectrum Emulator
Author	Andrew Owen
Filename	16KSpecEm.zip
Year	2008
Position	118
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	A first for this year's compo, Andrew elected to provide his submission in plain text format. Does this now mean I should edit the rules page again to specify this mode of entry is also permitted? No need really, I'll just note here that it certainly is. Well, for BASIC programs anyway, since I usually have BASin to hand. For machine code programs - I guess an assembly listing would be fine. I'm not sure if I'd want to be sent 48K of binary digits though! To save some time for you CGC fans, I've also converted the program into a playable sna file, which I had to make anyway for the arcade page. It's also included in the download. The program itself thoughtfully POKEs the UDG sysvar and sets upper 32K to $FF as if disconnected to give a most authentic 16K experience to those 48K owners who feel they may otherwise be missing out. The option to skip the setting of the upper 32K may certainly be appreciated by those who like to do their speccy emulation whilst on the move. Andrew also draws our attention to the built in progress bar and the fact that the character bitmaps are actually copied from the ROM to where they should be in RAM on a 16K machine. The end result is that the lower 16K of RAM is indistinguishable from a true 16K spectrum. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before someone develops a program (with UDGs even) to showcase the full potential of this environment. Seriously, this entry could theoretically be useful (oops) as I don't think QAOP has a true 16K mode!
Comments	Makes your 48K system appear identical to 16K one such that a 16K snapshot taken from the resultant emulated system is indistinguishable from a real 16K spectrum. Only two slight snags:- (1) the filling of the high 32K with $FF to emulate no attached RAM truly takes ages. (2) you can still POKE the high 32K and PEEK it back again betraying the presence of real RAM there. Still, in practise these things tend not to effect the operation of 16K software at all (and the filling can be bypassed anyway). This one is actually potentially useful since we could use it to run a 16K game with hard-wired UDG addresses in the 48K QOAP emulator - if we really wanted to. Not a game of course, but that doesn't seem to be important to anyone anymore. Anyway, it seemed to fit into a nice gap here in the lower rankings of the compo due to its theoretical usefulness.

200. Yes, 200 but with da big balls
Author	Apenao
Filename	200.TZX
Year	2008
Position	35
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Apenao has made a full advert and description of his game in this forum post which you should definitely read to find out what it is all about. I ask, is this a first for the CGC? What we have here is the ill-fated Megagame project now finally fully realised and you don't even need a dongle, but you could of course try sticking one in whilst playing this to see if anything happens. This is more than just a single game, being in fact a series of minigames to test the dexterity, strength, intelligence and guile of the player. Colourful hi-res graphics used throughout - you'll positively drool over the trees at Thermopylae. Features a segmented BEEP tune on main menu which cunningly sounds exactly a flattened fifth out of tune, perhaps even in homage to the late Douglas Adams (or not).
Comments	I like these little mini-game submissions, because if you dislike one of the mini games then you can always move onto the next one and dislike that one too! This title has the restriction that you can only get into the later mini-games, having earned it by playing the earlier ones first. Crickey, I must watch 300 at some point although I've had it in my film collection for ages I haven't got around to watching it just yet. I have to say though that some time and effort has clearly gone into making this game, for which the CGC is grateful. Also I like the way each mini game is coloured differently (And quite colourful they are too) and there are some nicely done UDG graphics. Yet, the game is steadfastly loyal to the realm of crapdom. So pat yourself on the back Apenao - a pretty good score.

20 Questions
Author	Steve(spt)
Filename	20Q.zip
Year	2008
Position	41
Format	Jupiter ACE
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Description	To load the program type load 20Q go in your ACE emulator (EightyOne for example works fine). 20 questions are all you have to logically deduce the secret hidden by the computer. All questions are answered with a simple yes or no. How the computer works out the answers, I am currently unsure. At a glance we can only assume that it is some advanced AI technique in natural language processing :) . My knowledge of FORTH is very limited so far, suffice it to say that my first line of attack in understanding the program by typing vlist resulted in the program being executed, rather than the dictionary being listed. So don't bother trying that one folks! But in any case, within the game you must type carefully as the delete key behaves differently than expected. Also, the program will helpfully append a question mark onto the end of your question, so no need to type that in. The downloadable zipfile contains tap, wav and ACE snapshot versions.
Comments	The main question is how this program works internally? Certain words seem to generate a positive response whereas most words give a negative answer. I never did get around to examining the FORTH source to?reveal the?complex machinations or otherwise under the bonnet on this one. How intelligent can a Jupiter ACE become? Nevertheless, the game is undoubtedly crap, and I give it a good score, because the author kindly bailed me out when I had a rather silly looking ACE arcade page with only a single game in it! Again, this will go down as only one of two crap games for the Jupiter ACE submitted to the CGC, since as we all know it is not actually a Sinclair machine. Certainly it is a Sinclair derivative, although one which went down its own development path, thanks to FORTH! Will ACE games ever be allowed in the CGC again? I don't honestly know, but it was good to have them on board in this experimental CSSCGC 2008! Since I played this game, I was introduced to another web based 20 questions game. This made me realise that this submission is like that web game, but with human and CPU roles amusingly reversed. The only secret I have found so far in this program is that the delete key doesn't work - so watch out for that and type carefully!

Advanced 10 PRINT HELLO ; 20 GOTO 10 Simulator 128K Edition
Author	Shaun Bebbington
Filename	A10P20G10.z80
Year	2008
Position	62
Format	ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
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Description	Ahh.. those were the days when you used to stroll into Dixons with a couple of friends and wait until the shop assistant (Invariably called John) had his back turned whilst busy with another customer. Then you'd strike, running around the entire bay of eight-bit computers, typing the seminal program 10 PRINT Hello 20 GO TO 10 into each machine. To add add a bit of panache you might also use a semicolon or perhaps insert the newest swearword you'd learnt that week. Of course it didn't matter that you were 24 at the time and had just completed your PhD in advanced compuer science from Cambridge university. It was still expected if not considered compulsory to do this on visiting the popular high street chain. Anyway, you can now happily relive those days in this feature-packed simulator from Shaun. It allows you to create such a screen from thousands of possible variants, whilst also completely relieving you of any programming burden.
Comments	The first of Mr Rapier's double whammy and another reminder that 48K-only owners are missing out on a lot of fun here! You will take to the game itself like a duck to water, particularly if you are familiar with the Sinclair BASIC environment. Needs the RAMDISK to work, making it somewhat of a skilful investigation into how to do less with more. Ultimately, though the flexibility of this title is only limited by the imagination of the human participant, and by the Speccy's ULA. Oh yes, large print font on the intro screen. We like resized text tricks like those ones in our advanced speccy programming books - Goodo.

Achtung Minen
Author	Lucas Pelaez
Filename	achtung-minen.zip
Year	2008
Position	94
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	A series of deadly missions await as you carefully navigate around a sequence of minefields behind enemy lines in Normandy, 1944. Your task is to rescue trapped paratroopers and you have to be careful as you do this. Your mine detection equipment will alert you to the proximity of mines, so don't move ahead until you can be sure as possible that it is safe to do so. An assortment of bonuses are available in the form of coloured disks. Also, be sure to watch out for enemy attacks! In-game instructions provided in Spanish. English translation currently available in Forum section. Keys are the familiar Q,A,O,P.
Comments	Again, I'm quite a fan of this tense and dramatic WWII minesweeping game but find myself giving it a rather low ranking which perhaps is unfortunate, since it is well worth a look! The only thing I can say that is crap about the game is that perhaps it is too easy. Alas, the professional looking full-colour high-res graphics, combined with multiple and varied interesting power ups and slick animation make this game a little too good to be truly awful! Very grateful I was though to play this type of game, providing a refreshing counterpoint to the far more prevalent text-based games that I'd played beforehand.

Advanced Disappointment Simulator
Author	Andrew Owen
Filename	ads.tap
Year	2008
Position	101
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	I now present: the final title in the compo - submitted merely one minute before the deadline! This one gives us one more quick gag before the curtain comes down on CSSCGC 2008. Again, I won't give it away by posting an in-game screenshot, so you'll have to load it up, perhaps in the crap game arcade to find out what it actually does. It is interesting to see how a BASIC program using the BORDER command can simulate the look and feel of the machine code ROM LOAD routine quite well (that is the stage before any data is actually loaded). If I'd have known how to do this when I was 15, then the potential for pranks at my friends house would have been amazing! This one is not exactly going to keep you occupied for hours, but perhaps if it was on a Cascade 50 type compilation tape, then more people would be induced into buying it and become ultimately dissappointed! So fire it up anyway and indulge just a few more moments with the last game of the compo!
Comments	This game is scored as follows: 2.33 for the game idea. 3.0 for the really cool BORDER statements that?make?it look as if something is about to load up!?Now the compo is over, it is no spoiler to say simply what this game does. Namely it?pretends to load up a?ZX Spectrum port of the latter-day popular game GTA 4 but immediately fails with a tape loading?error. Hence the?eponymous disappointment. But I was asking myself, would I really be that disappointed if it didn't load? What form could the game possibly take given the limited hardware of the speccy. I wouldn't want to think what the frame-rate would be like and even if there was a controversial hot coffee type mod available, would it be worth it? As punishment for this, aowen should write GTA 4 - the text adventure next year and increase the disappointment at least sevenfold! For the history books, it's probably worth a mention that this title was submitted merely one minute before the end of CSSCGC 2008. Verdict: Slightly disappointing it may be, but we crave disappointment by the bucketload!

Advanced Lawnmower Starter Simulator - The petrol edition
Author	Steve 'sparkes' Parkes
Filename	als-petrol.sna
Year	2008
Position	59
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	The great tradition of lawnmower themed games in the CGC rages on unabated. The author having found yet another previously unexplored angle within the arena of lamwnmower simulation. Specifically this game simulates the mechanics of starting a petrol driven engine on a typical spring morning, or at least I'm guessing it does. Keep trying and don't dare give up as on each attempt you truly have a 1:1000 chance of succeeding. The reward may not be great, but you will eventually enjoy that warm fuzzy feeling of success. Features realistic sound routines written in machine code.
Comments	I liked this one. After looking at the code, I did enjoy the author's attention to detail. Namely the realistic sound effects of a frustrated engine (written in assembler), but mostly the fact that the game really does give the player a 1:1000 chance of winning the game. I have still not completed this one yet. One day, one day! How many lawnmower games is that so far, erm.. I've lost count at this point. Inevitably, this one ranks lower than the deluxe edition, or it just wouldn't be right!

Advanced Loading Simulator
Author	steve
Filename	als.tap
Year	2008
Position	122
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	It doesn't take a LOAD of skill to play this one, all you have to do to avoid cocking it up is press ENTER without pressing any other keys first. Clearly the author had a copy of The Complete Spectrum ROM Disassembly by Dr.Ian Logan and Dr.Frank O'Hara to hand when coming up with this magnum opus. I wonder if the good doctors realised that their seminal work would one day put to such productive endevours? Computer? Computer? Hello Computer? Just use the keyboard. Keyboard?, how quaint. RANDOMIZE USR 1278, that's the ticket laddie! Sorry, playing this game just did something to my mind.
Comments	Submitting this game is exactly equivalent to writing a note thus Dear Digital Prawn, I would really like to host CSSCGC 2009 and I'm not going to let anyone else stop me.. You see I once learnt from a certain Chris Young, that there's crap and there's sh*te. Which category can a CGC judge truthfully put this in? (From 1st pass of judging): - You have the baton for 2009 steve, my commiserations. I'm sure though you'll have plenty of fun next year though judging things like this! (2nd pass of judging): The above was written back in early 2008 - but I can now tell you that you completely got away with not quite losing the compo and judging CSSCGC 2009, *phew* a close one though!

Advanced Lawn Mower Simulator+ Expansion Pack
Author	Arda
Filename	alspluspack.zip
Year	2008
Position	63
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	It's good and a little different to see an add-on entered into the CSSCGC. This title requires the original Advanced Lawnmower Simulator tape. This brings me back. Firstly of course to the the original unexpanded game, but more than that, it evokes memories of going through a literal pile of add-ons and expansion tapes, grabbing screens from them for the WoS archive. Often with addons, you feel that succesfully loading the thing up is something of an achievement. However, I have to say here that this add-on is particularly well-done, simple to use and essentially foolproof. In this case, insert the add-on tape first and then the original. Just be sure you don't have any sort of emulator setting enabled which auto-resets the speccy every time a new tape is inserted! So, what added functionality does this expansion bring to the original game? Well, I deliberately refrain from giving this away in the screenshot, so again it's a case of play it to find out! Instructions file included in the download.
Comments	I have an inexplicable enthusiasm for game add-ons. So, imagine the joy I experienced as I inserted this game tape and then downloaded and inserted the original lawnmower tape. Playing this add on game with ease. Nice of Arda to provide the user with the WoS download link to the original game, functional at the time of writing. Will there be lifetime support on this if the link ever changes I wonder? Anyway, can't say I was blown away with what the add on offers, but it gave me half a titter. Well done on thinking up the add-on idea though.

Ultimate Anger Simulator
Author	The Mojon Twins
Filename	Anger_Simulator.rar
Year	2008
Position	66
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Billed by the authors as a sportive simulator with a metaphysic final, this button basher will have your character turning into a blue rage. The air will probably turn blue too as you frustratingly attempt to move the anger bar right down to the end of the scale. Hires graphics of the short-tempered maniac somehow conjour up vague memories of Brian Glover as Andrews in Alien 3, but that's just because most games somehow remind me of a sci-fi movie. Perhaps you will instead be reminded of Buster Bloodvessel? No, you can't possibly get any angrier than that can you, surely not? C sourcecode for the Z88DK development environment kindly included in the downloadable RAR archive.
Comments	This game is quite evil, but in a completely humorous way and funnily enough it has an approximate natural score of 6.66. Don't be breaking your keyboard over it though, as I can imagine the knowing laughter of the Mojon Twins as they put this game together. Nice little jape at the expense of the player andvividly realised background graphics to boot. Perhaps it should be called Ultimate Anger Causer. Overall a good crap game effort and commendable that the C source code was provided. I had a thought that if this game was ever made for the ZX81 and someone tried playing it on a real machine, then the anger could probably be magnified a hundredfold or so.

attack of the flying saucer!
Author	Ian
Filename	AOTFS.z80
Year	2008
Position	120
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	This game looks like it is straight out one of those multi-platform type-in listings books. By multi-platform I mean the BASIC program in question is deviod of any user defined graphics, colour or sound such that the same listing can run with only minor modifications on anything from a TRS-80 to a VIC-20 and of course a ZX Spectrum too. This restriction also guarantees that most multi-platform listing games are cack, with the notable exception of text adventures. Of course that really isn't the point because the whole idea of these listings is to study them, using them as a learning aid. I know the author has realised the educational value of the listing because all of his variables are very sensibly named. Want to change the message displayed when you die? That's line 45 my codeguru friend! And so on... Actually play the game if you dare, but be warned that the player and enemy bullets are suitably flickery for this BASIC affair. Again studying the code will show you that they are erased just after they are drawn - hey it's a nice touch and here in the CGC batcave we really appreciate it! Oh yes and you have to press SPACE to start playing.
Comments	Use of the word cack by me in the game's initial review was arguably a little harsh, yet undoubtedly?scientifically accurate. Furthermore cack is quite a complement to be bestowed on a game of this competition.?This one is without a shadow of a doubt cascade tape filler material. In fact I had to play every game in the original cascade tape, just to make sure that this wasn't one?of them. The low score reflects the fact that this one is?one of those quickly knocked up efforts that keeps the compo rolling on through dark winter nights. I hope the low score does not dissuade the author from potential future crap game efforts, because if Cascade 50 Volume Two ever hits the shelves then a place on it must be reserved today for this one! Low ranking just reflects the simplicity of the listing and the number of games in the compo. Otherwise, job well done!

Advanced PURPLE Loading Simulator
Author	BloodBaz
Filename	apls.tap
Year	2008
Position	121
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Perhaps you've already enjoyed the delights of Advanced Loading Simulator by steve? Well, if you're a fan of that one, then you're sure to love this. Here we see the concept taken to a new level, with PURPLE loading bars in this version, although the author does in fact assure us that any similarity to other games is purely coincidental. This should be particularly welcomed by those people who have a pathological desire of anything purple. Those people certainly do exist as I once watched a serious documentary about such people, following them in their daily lives, and their ongoing pursuit of all things purple. It was erm... interesting!
Comments	I awarded 1.01 to Advanced Loading Simulator and lets be honest, this game demands an identical score, but I have felt kind enough to award an additional 0.09 points since I actually like purple myself. Even if it is an illusion caused by the rapidly fluctuating blue and magenta bands of colour. This was a close one, Bloodbaz in that at one stage, early in 2008 you almost lost the compo and potentially ended up hosting CSSCGC 2009. However, you were saved by steve. Such are the tiniest margins between the results of similar compo entries. (Edit in 2nd pass of judging: saved from this fate by Guesser, steve and ADJB!)

The Ark in Space
Author	Graz
Filename	ark_in_space.Z80
Year	2008
Position	38
Format	ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
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Description	What a treat for us old series Doctor Who fans, and one of my favourite stories too. Ahh The Ark in Space, classic Tom Baker stuff, evoking memories of the much worshipped Sarah Jane Smith, and of course the well mannered Harry Sullivan. But the real stars in this game appear to be the menacing threat of the Wirrn, superbly captured into the limitations of the speccy pallette, making them appear even more frightening than on the TV version. The game features chip music on the intro screen, and high quality graphics throughout. Use the keys of your choice to navigate around the retro-futuristic Nerva Space Station whilst remaining intensely alert and ready to fend off attack in an instant. Please be careful Doctor, as the fate of the entire human race rests solely on your shoulders!
Comments	OK, this is one of those games that made me really glad I did two passes of judging in this compo! For many of the entries I more or less got it right on the first pass, but this game took a little bit longer for me to suss out. When I played it for the first time, I admit I didn't have a clue what was going on. On subsequent plays I got a bit further with it, getting all the way up to LOCATE INFRASTRUCTURE. The graphics on the space station in orbit around the planet are superb as are the those of the enemies such as the Wirrn. A decent crap game effort, featuring chip music on the intro screen. It's always a pleasure for us fans of old series Who to combine that hobby with retro gaming which doesn't happen all that often! Another amusing touch is that the Instructions are actually the backstory rather than the instructions which is possibly why I didn't immediately get it on my first attempt at playing it!

Barcode Hangman
Author	Unsatisfactory Software
Filename	barcode.zip
Year	2008
Position	99
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K & ZX81 16K
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Description	The barcode revolution of the latter half of the 20th century has undeniably become a cornerstone of our information age. Barcodes are now ubiquitous and found everywhere from tins of mushy peas to cannisters of nuclear waste. But apart from the serious side, you may not know that they have also had a great impact on popular culture too. From songs such as Barcode Bypass by Mull Historical Society, and books such as The Da-Vinci Barcode: A Parody. Now Unsatisfactory Software present this Barcode-themed game, Barcode Hangman!. In this game, ported to the speccy from an original ZX81 version, you must pit your wits against the computer in order to reveal the hidden barcode number. Make too many mistakes, and your number is up (or rather not up), but I'm sure you'll be dying to have another go! *Updated 05/04/08* - Unsatisfactory software have now provided the original ZX81 version of this game. It requires a 16K expansion pack and is now also available via the download link.
Comments	I actually think the barcode graphic in this game looks pretty damn good. Maybe I should get the barcode scanner from work and try it out on the emulator screen just to check that the generated codes to conform to the IEEE standards. Ahem, anyway, some crapness points were scored for making a port from the ZX81 to the Speccy whilst using zero of the speccy's features, making you think that you are still actually playing it on a ZX81. Also, the score was saved from being lower by the fact that it seems impossible to actually lose the game. (warning - expert crap game developers in the house). I see the BASIC code is there to lose the game, but can it actually be lost? I couldn't do it and I did try a few times! Quite possibly deserves a higher ranking, but judging this compo really is like trying to pour a quart (the submissions) into a pint pot (the high rankings) and this title was from a 1985 version!! Thanks for supplying the ZX81 version too though, the second one of only two in the compo.

Brainf*ck Interpreter
Author	Gianfranco Zuliani
Filename	bf.tap
Year	2008
Position	91
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	This is another interesting addition to the new development environments now available in this year's competition. Read this Wikipedia page to learn more about the fascinating Brainf*ck language. I have purposely screen grabbed the beginning of the BASIC listing of this entry because as can clearly be seen, the Brainf*ck source is embedded in a REM statement in line 10. This means that theoretically, someone could use this entry to actually submit a game written in Brainf*ck to the CSSCGC competition. Again, I won't spoil the fun of showing what the program does, so again you can download it or run it from the arcade. Of course this assumes that you aren't a Brainf*uck guru who can work it out just by looking at the source!
Comments	I like this title and I have to say that the score could have been much higher had the author written a crap game in brainf*ck and submitted that. This - I would have really liked to see! I've long had a passing interest in Brainf*ck and similar esoteric computer languages whose only purpose is intellectual mischief and basically wasting time and resources. It would have been great to see someone take up the challenge of entering further BF programs into the CGC and this is also what I really hoped for. However, since I get a migraine attack anytime I try to author/debug BF code, I can quite understand why no-one else tried it either. Was glad to have this in the compo though!

Binduko!
Author	Shaun Bebbington
Filename	Binduko.zip
Year	2008
Position	109
Format	ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
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Description	It's so easy for us Homo Sapiens to sit here with our ten fingers and our decimal numbering system to forget about the infinite number of alternative possibilites. Think of the truly fun games we could play if we just take our base-10 blinkers off for a minute and expand our thinking a little. This is a nice one for hackers, machine code purists and people who insist on using the BIN command in their speccy programs. Yes, the true language of computing - binary is employed in this variant of the much loved Sudoku game. But the question is, can you solve the puzzle faster than a ZX80? Also, did you know there are actually 10 types of people in the world? Those who understand ternary, those who don't and those who confuse it with binary. Make sure you aren't one of them if you want to master this title.
Comments	The first of a three game assault on the compo by SB?- likeable for its geek appeal. You can possibly guess what's coming on starting the game, but still the fact that someone actually wrote it will impel you to play the game through to its logical conclusion provided you literally have two seconds to spare. Handy for completing on the short tube journey between Leicester Square and Covent Garden (250 yards). Good for a short laugh of course. But after that, the first three letters of the game name?describe exactly what you should do with it. Stop the press: Obviously this game had some influence on me, since I submitted the even worse UnDoko to CSSCGC 2009 - do you realise what you've started with this?

Escape from Body
Author	Arda
Filename	Body.zip
Year	2008
Position	117
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	There's a bit of a story behind this one. Arda submitted this originally to CSSCGC 2007, but it arrived one day after that compo had ended. The date for this entry should really be 23/12/07 - but that would screw up the chronological ordering of these game pages. Chris Young, who hosted CSSCGC 2007 passed the game onto me today. As for the game itself, you'll probably have to escape your body (perhaps with the aid of some pharmecutical substances) in order to actually understand it. Suffice it to say I died a few times whilst playing. It's probably my own fault though, I pressed a key. Arda probably thought the world had forgotten about this one, but it came back to haunt him. (Think the Global Thermonuclear War game that keeps phoning you back). Enough respect to Arda who was willing to let this one back out in the wild again!
Comments	Aah, the one that got away. Or did it? Arda submitted this to CSSCGC 2007, but it was too late for that compo. Long forgotten and lost (for 11 months). I guess the whole world had either remained unaware of it or (including Arda) completely forgotten about it. Then along comes Master Crap Game Archiver, Chris Young to dig this one out and to give Arda a bit of a shock, and rest of us a bit of a friendly giggle. You see this one came back to haunt Arda? - it just wouldn't die. What's it about? Truthfully, I don't think anyone has a clue. But it exists as a timeless curiosity, maybe open to further future interpretations.

Boofy 3
Author	Slider
Filename	BOOFY_3.rar
Year	2008
Position	49
Format	ZS Scorpion 256K
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Description	This Russian game runs fine in RealSpectrum emulating a ZS Scorpion 256K machine, but only if you select the 48 TR-DOS mode. It probably runs under other configurations, but I can only get it to crash on a Pentagon 128. A side scrolling arcade game, you must avoid the baddies as you walk sideways throughout the level. Keys are 'O' and 'P' to move left and right, 'A' to duck, and 'M' seems to perform some action. Key responses seem sluggish, but machine coding has been used to draw the sprites and implement parallax scrolling, so this game does seem like it has had more development time spent on it than most CSSCGC entries. Still you'll probably die about seven times before you've even worked out how the keys work. An interesting addition to this year's CSSCGC, as it is a bit different from most CGC entries.
Comments	First impressions show?this?machine code game as something a bit better than most crap game entries, since it boasts parallax scrolling and sprite routines, however once you start to play it, you realise that it is truly a crap game. The pure torture of having to walk at a slow pace for 1000 in-game kilometres is something akin to attempting the London marathon whilst walking only on your knees. You cannot jump over the enemies and when you die you lose a life and you have to wait several seconds before resuming play due to an overlong death subroutine. Overall a fair crap game, and appropriately in the TRD format. An antidote to Sonic the Hedgehog for sure, so break out your Scorpion compatible emulator tonight!

Bounce (Preview Edition)!
Author	Shaun Bebbington
Filename	BounceCR.zip
Year	2008
Position	106
Format	ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
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Description	Keys: Z - left, X - right From the supplied text file:- Donkey Soft PRESENTS: Bounce! This is version v0.01 of Bounce, and is heavily cost-reduced. A full version will follow shortly, but at the moment, it stops when your score gets to -2. The full version will feature: A nice front end (well, a front end), Some beeps, A high score table, The same addictive gameplay and awesome graphics. Enjoy!
Comments	Unfinished masterpieces such as this should be applauded. We applaud them because the author had the good sense to stop working on them and to give up. Watch out CSSCGC 2009 though, this one may rear it's head though in the form of a more completed experience. Have a BALL with it, but don't let it drive you BATty. Reminds me very much of a one-liner program I co-authored a while back (in the early stages of development before the game was created). To be fair to Shaun, I encouraged him to send this one in even though he'd made it clear to me it wasn't finished. So I can't be too harsh now can I? Besides, the full version (Drum roll please) is tipped to have some BEEPs in it and a high score table. I know it's almost too exciting for me too, but I must stay calm! (games to judge and all that)

ShitStack BrickBat
Author	steve
Filename	bricks.tap
Year	2008
Position	100
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	I didn't know they stacked shit that high! Well, not until I played this latest effort from steve. Use keys 5 and 8 to move the bat left and right attempting to catch the rather colourful and delightfully sounding fecal matter as it falls towards the bottom of the screen. You may find the game to be rather "open ended", as you eventually start slicing the bat sideways through the five towers of poo as the game progresses to the later stages.
Comments	You've just been given a nice clean bat, and what do you do with it? Cover it in poo of course. I'm not cleaning that mess up! Amuse yourself for as long as you wish in this game that seems to have no score, no winning conditions (or losing conditions for that matter). I'd loved to have been there when the author was designing the game and said to himself "hmm, we need exactly five stacks of falling poo - no other number will do.). Score isn't too high as it is another very short if fun listing that fits entirely on a single ZX screen. Would need to add more to reach a higher score, like a poo-related power up or something!

Bubble Fight
Author	Arda
Filename	BubbleFight01.zip
Year	2008
Position	10
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Well, this is the stuff that the original Cascade tape was made of! I have to confess to actually enjoying playing this one as I tested it out, but then again I enjoyed Frogger from the original Cascade tape too. Arda tells me that the game contains a bubble sort type-in within. Pit your wits against the CPU as you try to manually sort your list of random numbers quicker than the CPU can bubble sort its own list. Keys are Q=up, A=down, Enter=swap numbers, Space=finish sorting. Nice touch reminiscent of Wacky Darts as each level gets more difficult and you meet some hilarious characters such as Vicious Panda & Alien Bug - each having their own animated UDGs too. Arda provided an instructions file for the game in the downloadable zipfile.
Comments	As I reviewed this one for the Dec tape mag, it's really no secret that I liked it. As mentioned in the review itself this sort of thing really oozes a wholesome crapness, but IMHO of that peculiar variety that hopefully will be more forthcoming in the future crap game compos. Not just that I actually enjoy the bubble sort game, but the vicious panda character really does give some extra amusement. Surely a speccy game character to go down in a top 100 game character list along with Dizzy the Egg, the slightly less famous Pippo and Gordon the Alien. The bubble sort algorithm was lifted from a type-in book - good to see someone is still using these type-ins even if it is just for the CGC.

Commodore 64 Emulator
Author	Steve Sparkes Parkes
Filename	c64.sna
Year	2008
Position	74
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	C64 vs Speccy, which is best? The playground fight which still rages on in the minds of many adults will probably never be laid to rest. As expected, this very argument is currently ongoing in the WoS forums and has even spilt over into the Lemon64 forums, ouch! However, now you can make your own informed evaluation of each platform by trying out both systems within the same emulator session thanks to this C64 emulator entry. Furthermore, you can emulate a speccy within the emulated C64 and from within that again re-load the C64 emu ad-infinitum! So have plenty of fun as you flick back and forth between the two environments whilst making a thorough assessment and comparison of each. As for me, well I was always one computing generation behind everyone else so only had a ZX81 and VIC20 back in the day before upgrading to a rather funky Acorn Electron (nice!) By the time in the '90s I finally got my hands on a second hand Spectrum +2 and a second hand C64, nobody cared about 8-bit systems any more. But thankfully, they do again now, and clearly with more passion, dedication and loyalty than ever before!
Comments	The only score I could think of when judging this joke emu was 6.4. By that reckoning if Steve had've done a mock VIC-20 emulator instead then I might have scored it 2.0, potentially losing the compo. (You should have picked a TI-99!) This entry contrasts with some real emulators already in the compo. It's a quick'n'dirty fake emulator, but a welcome one nevertheless, no thrills, just a quick dig at the other organisation. Every CGC must have one like this in order to meet EU targets. So thanks to Sparkes that we met our quota for this year.

CAR
Author	Arda
Filename	cargame.zip
Year	2008
Position	56
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Arda tells me that this game is over twenty years old, but it has been modified especially for CSSCGC 2008! This game is actually quite fun as you drive along the pothole-ridden road earning plenty of cash as you do so. Although through modern eyes it could look more like the cost of fuel you are burning as you drive along! Recently, I've fallen into the habit of only posting loading screens/intro screens on the game pages to leave an element of surprise on playing the game. So to see it, you'll have to play it! From the supplied instructions:- CAR GAME! (By Arda - 1985) Make your way through 10 challenging levels of hole-jumping mayhem in this arcade action game. Features woody's turbo loading protection so you can't take it and pirate it! How to play: carefully jump over the deep holes using Space bar. You will gain more score while jumping. Good luck!
Comments	In the UK, motorways, major highways and?regional and national trunk roads are maintained?100% by the highways agency and are generally?kept in very good condition. Other A-roads, B-roads and unclassified roads however are funded to varying degrees by local councils and the results are?unpredictable to say the least. Some of them are strewn with potholes, as depicted in this game. The ASCII-rendered car and road makes this exactly the sort of game that would be found in many type-in listings books, back in the day. Watch the road ahead or you may find the wheels come off. It's crap in its own way and yet somehow quite playable so a reasonably good score awarded. Please note also that this game is around twenty-four years old as I write this!

Advanced Coat Getting Adventure Simulator
Author	steve
Filename	coat.sna
Year	2008
Position	113
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Lock yourself in a dark room, and nail it shut with planks of wood. Be sure to stock up on several week's supply of chicken soup. For you are in for a real treat as you enter an uncompromisingly immersive game world and you don't want anything disturbing your concentration. Well OK, I exaggerate perhaps a little, but at least you can relive that moment of embarresment and slight remorse when perhaps you went too far in a forum post one day and had to scurry away after picking up your item of outdoor apparel.
Comments	In space, no-one can hear you scream. Unfortunately, I wasn't in space when I received this one. Perhaps the next time a new interstellar probe is launched, they can put the source code of this game inside it. Perhaps that is the only way of getting rid of it. A game that certainly never could have been released back in the day before USENET and web forums became widely used. This one certainly owes it's core idea to the Internet explosion and the fact that any of us can regrettably or perhaps deliberately become architects of a digital faux pas. (erm, what am I going on about?) Anyway, the game is saved from rock bottom status by the inclusion of an Easter Egg, a close shave though I have to say.

ColorPRINT
Author	Andrew Owen
Filename	ColorPRINT.zip
Year	2008
Position	70
Format	Timex TC2048 & Spectrum SE
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Description	What we have here is not so much a crap game, but more of a technically impressive utility. This is CSSCGC 2008 and we are open to submissions that are a little different - besides it is a most interesting entry. It could perhaps encourage further CGC entries for the Timex TC2048 or Spectrum SE. I loaded this one up under the EightyOne Emulator version 1.0, and selected model Timex TC2048. It worked perfectly under that set-up. You will find comprehensive instructions included in the downloadable zipfile, but to summarise, this program lets you print multicolor text as shown on the left. You can print to the color stream using commands like PRINT AT y,x; #4; my text; Note also that all characters sent to channel #4 must be terminated with a ';' or you get some strange behaviour. Not only can you redefine all 256 characters, but you can also define the attributes of each row of each character too. Again, I highly recommend reading the supplied readme.txt file for full instructions and to see the reconfigured ZX memory map. This is the first entry targeted at the Spectrum SE features as far as I know. It's also nice to get another entry that uses the Timex extra features too.
Comments	Hmm.. The American spelling prevails, as of course the Timex was an American derivate of the Speccy. Yes, and we all know that in England of a few centuries ago, color was also used too by 50% of the people, 50% of the time. Then they all got on a big boat, sailed to America and left us colour spelling individuals behind. Anyhow, look at the lovely colours on this erstwhile Commodore killing machine that never did become a commercial success. Play around with the ATTR bytes and the UDGs as much as you like and then set the telly up for an unsuspecting Birthday greeting for a family member. No-one has yet written an editor for this one yet although it needs it.

CrapBot
Author	Woody
Filename	CrapBot.tap
Year	2008
Position	64
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	On seeing the name of this title in Woody's submission email, but before I saw the game itself, I had some momentary fear that it may be a simulation of what happens when you have just gone to the toilet only to realise too late that there is no toilet paper remaining. However, my fears were quickly allayed as I fired the title up. This being the first of two impressive titles to be found in the CGC in-tray today. Welcome to the Walled City of Crap-Escher, which has rested for a thousand, thousand years in the midst of the Great Desert inhabited by only the deadly Bots who have made it their home. I started playing this one for a while and erm.. started to actually enjoy it. Woody tells me that this game is based on his boombot 2 engine and also mentions that he hopes that he can lose the compo with this one. Alas, too much effort has gone into it, probably some incredibly lazy title will lose instead. Although, I haven't quite made my mind up which one yet and therefore who it will be joining myself and a select few others in the eternally grim Club of outright CGC compo losers. Very welcome it is though to get an isometric title in this year's CGC.
Comments	Ironic that this is the title that Woody went all out on to try and lose the compo. I know this depends on the judge, but for CSSCGC2008 (as it was also last year), the games that lose the compo are five minute affairs. I should know, I wrote one of them 2007 which is why I am sitting here writing this now. This one of course is actually quite good with a real-time user-rotatable isometric display. Flawless animated graphics and a real sense of purpose. Of course you are going to think Ant Attack when you see it, but the sprites are completely re-drawn and the game effectively a completely different one. This means I'll just have to give it a reasonable score (not too high, not too low). I know that Woody wanted to either win the compo or lose it I just hope that by ranking this game almost in the middle of the ordering does not maximise his disappointment!

Crap Factor
Author	Arda
Filename	crapfactor.tap
Year	2008
Position	79
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Hurrah, my prayers have been answered and in the very last hour of the competition too! I can now check my judging of compo entries against this program's output which should calculate for me what the true crapness score should be! This should prevent any controversy of the results since we now have a scientific approach to crap game evaluation. Only issue for me is the NEW command at the end of the program which means I have to load the program up again for every game tested. A few rather precise floating point constants are to be found in the BASIC source. I'm wondering if the value of these is as fundamental and immutable as the speed of light? Maybe this could be used by CSSCGC entrants too, in order to avoid submitting a potentially compo-losing entry.
Comments	Funnily enough, the title of this game is also the name I give to the 2009 version of the '80s program The Krypton Factor because the new version is basically crap! This is the game that dares to apply a computational algorithm to crap game scoring. Will it replace us judges? Perhaps after these results are out, most people will wish it had done! As for the game, very funny I thought it was that Arda had appended a NEW statement onto the end of the game code. I can only speculate that this is in case he is going to apply for a patent for this one and he doesn't want anyone else stealing the code. Hmm, maybe one day a clean-room open source re-implementation will be carried out? Verdict: Watch out CGC judges, your days are numbered. Automation is the way forward!

Crap Games Competition - The Adventure 2008
Author	Firelord
Filename	CrapGamesCompetitionTheAdventure2008.zip
Year	2008
Position	53
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Firelord's Description:- Crap Games Competition 2008 - The Adventure Introduction. Have you ever wondered how it feels to be a judge in the CSSCGC? Now live the thrills of being a judge in the CSSCGC from the safety of your home without being scared of being lynched by the angry fans. This is a RPG game where you control different characters in order to judge entries of different years. Instructions: By selecting a year/judge you select different types of gameplay. Each different judge have different skills (Inteligence, Charm, Strength ,Agility, Charisma & Crap awareness).
Comments	A nice meta game, where I found I could play the part of myself, Digital Prawn, but that would have made it too easy for me. So I played as blood instead. I can only assume that Firelord managed to build up a psychological and personality evaluation of each Judge, in order to give this game a sense of heightened realism. Was this done from reading form posts and scanning websites, or were phone-taps and surveillance equipment involved too? It doesn't get any more CSSCGC-centric than this!

Crysis
Author	Radastan
Filename	crysis.z80
Year	2008
Position	2
Format	ZX Spectrum +2
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Description	A truly amazing achievment to port the current high-end PC game of Crysis to our beloved Speccy platform. Radastan tells me Awesome Heuristic Routine for generating a real 3D World, with 5 enemies awaiting you, and destructible scenario. Immerse yourself in this highly realistic game world where time is of the essence, and it's a matter of kill or be killed. It's somewhat of an antidote to the overbloated software of our times. Minor sacrifices were made for the eight bit version, but overall it's a pretty solid port. Screenshot from Speccy version, some minor details may differ slightly from other platforms.
Comments	This game was by far the most popular title of CSSCGC 2008, being mentioned on various channels all over the Internet. It certainly caused quite a stir. Firstly I should say it is truly amazing and technically brilliant. I never thought I'd see anything like this attempted, but the game surely works and it's pretty jaw-dropping to see something like this running on a speccy for the first time, even if the graphics are naturally blocky. It makes me wonder what possible things can be achieved even further into the future. People may say, well DP , this is far too good to be in 2nd place, but I'd have to reply, play it and you will see it is at heart another quintessentially crap gaming experience!

Mrs. Nibbs Cupcake Capers
Author	Mulder
Filename	Cupcake_FINAL.zip
Year	2008
Position	105
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Use QAOP keys to move Mrs Nibbs around the screen collecting all cupcakes whilst avoiding the mutant vegeatables. Read the full backstory in the supplied cupcake.txt file. Mulder tells me that the game was made with Jonathan Cauldwell's AGD. Nicely drawn sprites and fast paced arcade action make this one truly worthy of the Crap game arcade! It's also a nice touch to restart the game on the level you previously died on. However, completing the level is no piece of cake! So, what's crap about it? Well on my system any sprite on the second row down of the play area flickers, but that of course could just be my emulator setup. Still this is the CGC, so fair play to Mulder if that flicker is actually a crafty crapness feature coded into the game.
Comments	No I'm sorry, this is just too damn good. Back in the day I paid good money for games that were far worse than this one. It would have been rejected from the cassette 50 compilation due to appearing far too skilfully drawn and would no doubt be exploited as a separate commercial offering (not the only one in the compo I feel this applies to). Amusing back story and interesting development paradigm certainly makes it a worthwhile and unique entry to the CGC and the whole concept is tantalisingly crap. However, back in 1983 it wouldn't have been, so it only gets a low crapness score, yet plenty of playing time by me!

Daily Mail
Author	Steve K
Filename	DailyMail.zip
Year	2008
Position	75
Format	ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
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Description	For those who thought the big event of today was the official opening of the Beijing Olympics 2008, you are sadly mistaken. That's just a schoolyard pea shooting contest compared with today's REAL big event. CSSCGC 2008 is proud to announce Steve K's epic game - Daily Mail. Live out the life of Fleet Street's finest (alcohol not included). Ooh the pressure, the deadlines. Will you get the crucial headline out on time for the first edition? The nation MUST know the truth and only you as self-appointed moral arbiter of this great nation are qualified to tell it to the people, like it REALLY is.
Comments	Quality Daily Mail header graphic and nice usage of the 128K only PLAY command. I wonder if there'll ever be a port to the 48K BEEP command, as it appears that may be the only line in the program which prevents it from running on a 48K system? Technical concerns aside, the author assures me he'd had a few drinks whilst making this game, well that's really what I call dedication of getting into the role of the game. For you play a drink happy journalist, although in this one the drink appears to be a cuppa. I can't help think it's a cuppa gin though. Playing this for the second time round I can't help but see how topical the generated pseudo-headlines are for 2008. Which nicely dates it. I can imagine it'd be really bizarre to play this one in about twenty years time!

Deadly Warriors The Adventure 2008
Author	Firelord
Filename	DeadlyWarriors.zip
Year	2008
Position	73
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Firelord Writes:- Description : You've played Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Tekken & all the Harry Potter games. Now, its time for you to try the ULTIMATE FIGHTING game. Now you don't just press random buttons!! You must think before you press a key. YES THINK !!! Fighting have never been more realistic!!! Using the money that you gain in each fight,you can buy better equipment and hire a better coach. The experience from each fight can be used to raise your skills in one of the most advanced skill system ever created. Deadly Warriors The Adventure (TM) is a family game that its main goal it to kill all your opponents until you become the killing machine tournament (c) champion of 2008!! Have fun & Don't try this at home!! What people have to say about this game : -Sir Bill Sinclair : I haven't played anything that realistic before !!! -Linus Gates : That game was the real reason that computers were invented!! -Clive Torvald : In my next version of my operating system I'm planning to put this game in the main Kernel!
Comments	Firelord mentioned that this game took 4.5 billion years to be completed - or in fact the approximate age of our planet and solar system. So, from the molten coalescence of our rocky planet, via the formation of the primeval soup and eventually towards the evolution of the higher apes we finally reach what made it all worthwhile - this ZX Spectrum crap game by Firelord of course. You see that is Chaos Theory (From a glass, I pour some water on my hand) and say again you see - Chaos Theory, look at that. The game itself is rather chaotic with a full text exposition of a brutal live ring fight. It almost reminds me of some MUDs I have played in the past, as the fight progresses - Will I hit them or will I miss? you think. Sometimes you'll get a screen full of cyan on white text which isn't easy on the eyes but did make wonder about the possibility of porting this one to the VIC-20.

Dharma Initiative Swan Station Computer Simulator
Author	Hernan Pablo
Filename	dharma.zip
Year	2008
Position	102
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	It may pay off to do your homework before playing this nail biting simulation of the Dharma Initiative Swan Station Computer from a recently popular TV series. If you don't know which one, then all may be Lost. The end of the world hangs in the balance and only you can indefinitely prevent this as you have 108 minutes to enter the required string of numbers. The game is rather open ended, meaning once you have entered the numbers you can relive the joy of entering them again, as many times as you wish. Just don't even think of going to bed whilst the game is running though!
Comments	Having not seen the TV program Lost yet, I was in fact quite lost as to what do in this game at first. With hindsight, it's a safe bet that I wouldn't have guessed the correct answer. However, a quick Wikipedia search filled me in on the needed info and I was happily able to complete the game. A good crapness idea was to announce in the accompanying documentation that the player has 108 minutes in which to enter the correct numeric sequence and then completely ignore this time limit in the game itself (as looking at the code reveals)! Also, the game is quite unforgiving of whitespace, so don't press space accidentally or it's goodbye planet Earth.

Didge's Dungeon
Author	Paul E Collins
Filename	didges_dungeon.tzx
Year	2008
Position	16
Format	ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
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Description	Surely, this game has a touch of class and it appears to be one of those puzzle games that I very often get completely addicted to. Paul tells me that he traditionally submits four games to the CGC every year and for this, his fourth game he has dug out a relic from 1994. Initial impressions seem to be of a well polished game, certainly of commercial standards with a veritable array of mulicolored game tiles on display as well as some fitting AY sound effects via the 128K PLAY command. I have a feeling I'm going to get back to this when I have some further free time and actually seriously play it! So, what's crap about it? Well I've only reached screen two at present and so I don't know what could be in store in the later levels. But so far, so good (as opposed to crap). Seriously, check this one out if you like puzzle games - you may actually enjoy it!
Comments	Sent in by Paul as his self-obligatory 4th crap game of the year. Sing with me now Four crap games in one year.... OK this is actually alright. I played it a fair bit and got familiar it. Dazzled as I was by the very professionally done graphics, I'm also a sucker for any sort of game with puzzle elements and where you move a sprite based entity around the screen, trying to solve it on a per-level basis. For me it brought back vague memories of Boovie, but of course this is a totally different game with different rules and mechanics. Too good for the CGC but welcome it was nonetheless and the high score reflects the quality that this title just oozes and serves as a hopeful encouragement for future CGCs that this is the level of effort that we like to see in the compo!

Don't Lose Your Head
Author	Woody
Filename	Dont_lose_your_head.szx
Year	2008
Position	29
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away it appears that garden moles are everywhere, pushing the ground up from beneath your feet. Or perhaps it is really a sinister alien trap that just makes things appear that way? Dropped onto an alien planet from a hastily departing mothership, your orders are strictly to pratt around in front of an unfeasably large gun until either your head gets blown off, or you make it to the next level. Note to mothership pilot - Drop me off behind the gun next time, not right in front of it, cheers Space Marine. Also, someone tell me this isn't a government operation! Use keys O and P to move the spacesuited player character around making sure to avoid the lethal combination of standing on temporarily raised ground at the moment a head-chopper projectile is passing by. Excellent Gibbous phase planets overhang in the sky, giving a real alien-world feel to the game.
Comments	Again, top quality graphics and m/c sprite routines give an air of professionalism to this title which is on the face of it a crap gaming experience, yet a very funny one. Somehow this game is evocative of many cheesy sci-fi B-move flicks from the 80's and you just have to admire the attention to detail. I feel that if Woody got all of the best bits of his crap games together and sorted them out into some sort of coherent plan, there'd be an actual good game in there somewhere! This one entertained me for a while as I dreamt up countless amusing backstories for it. On the second pass of judging I was again taken aback by the artistic quality of the graphics and the absolutely perfect sprite drawn routines - so not quite crap enough for the top ten for example!

Dot Man
Author	Woody
Filename	DotMan.szx
Year	2008
Position	45
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	During the 1980's, in the wake of PACMAN, thousands of maze-like games were released. There was a brief flirtation with using non-pacman like player characters in these games around that time. You may remember this, although by the '90s the vast majority of pacman rip-offs (or tributes) had fallen back into line with a pacman like entity fully expected in most games of the genre. Although, a few notable mavericks remained. This title features a pacman like maze, filled with dots and has a humanoid doteater, (for me at least) this is reminiscent of some of those aforementioned games. There are some other notable differences between this game and other pacman type clones. In fact it may be more accurate to describe this one as a cross between Pacman and Maziacs (or perhaps not!). The maze, dots and player sprite are blown up to amusingly preposterous proportions. There are no ghosts or enemies of any sort so it is seemingly impossible to die (classic crap game hallmark that is!). On completing each level, you are faced with an identical level, which takes a short while to generate on each occasion. Play this for ages and then look up at a plain white wall - you may well hallucinate a negative image of the game!
Comments	It is crap this one, but in a delightfully retro way. Firstly, you can't die as far as I know. I was wondering why there weren't any ghosts in this pacman-type affair. Then I realised that because the play area is blown up (A bit like zooming in with a microfiche) if there were ghosts then you would not even see them until they appeared on the adjacent square to the player by which time a gobbling would be unavoidable. You should clear the maze (which once you have started, you just have to finish - hunting down those annoying lost last couple of dots). Then pat yourself on the back and play an exactly identical maze all over again!

Drugsy
Author	Greencard
Filename	Drugsy.tap
Year	2008
Position	80
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	In this game which is subtitled Advanced Recreational Pharmaceutical Distributor Simulator, you can take a tour of some English cities (and Northampton for that matter). Peddle your wares as you travel from town to town as you aim to make ?100,000 so that you can retire and go straight! You won't be taking the scenic route though as game focuses completely on the buisiness aspects of your trade. This game made me realise, I've never actually been to Northapmton. Sure I've travelled through there a few times, but never actually visited there. But thanks to this game, I have now visited the place in a virtual sense, and I guess that's the next best thing!
Comments	Aah finally, a game that deals with cutting edge social issues. I half expected to see the Winners don't do drugs logo appear on loading this game up, although in the case of this particular game Winners do do drugs would probably be more apt. Features a complete lack of in-game graphics, and a rather bleak and dark interface setting the rather shady tone of the game. Yet, somehow I feel this was a good call, because it also makes it seem business-like - a bit like a spreadsheet/database app or something. Some extra points scored for the shadowy figure that appears on the loading screen, although I'm certain he used to be a drummer in a '70s prog rock band. This has to be the British answer to Blow, surely!

Dumb Miner
Author	Woody
Filename	dumbminer.szx
Year	2008
Position	119
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	It had to happen and finally it has! A derivative of a rather popular and well known Matthew Smith game has now arrived at CSSCGC 2008. You may have thought the original was tough although I think I can safely say that this one is even tougher, in fact impossible! You may find yourself somewhat amused or perhaps perplexed. If it is any clue as to what to expect, then Woody writes:- Hmm, now do I get away with this attached entry ;) Only joking! Well it is in the compo, so Woody did at least get away with entering it and let's face it the compo badly needed another submission at this stage!
Comments	On receiving this entry, I immediately contacted Matthew Smith to elicit his comments on it, to which he replied Utterly Brilliant! (or was that David Darling?). Not really of course, but I'll simply describe this one as a copy of Manic Miner that has been POKEd to make Miner Willy fall through floors thereby rendering the game somewhat amusing yet completely unplayable. We like a bit of variety in the compo and I guess this sort of thing has never been submitted before. So I'll just slap an appropriate low score of 3.57 on it and be on my merry way, hoping wholeheartedly that next year we may see Dumb Set Willy and wondering what possible thing another compo judge could write about something like this! So if you wanted to lose the compo Woody, then this was a pretty decent attempt, not too far off the target!

Earth Invasion
Author	Woody
Filename	EarthInvasion.szx
Year	2008
Position	88
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Fire some slow pellets from your small yellow chopper into the big pink thing. Be sure not to shoot one off prematurely, because if you miss the target then it's a long wait until you can fire again. On screen instructions steadfastly stay on-screen during the game, lest you forget which keys to press. Read 'em quick though because they'll be partially overwritten during the course of the interstallar battle. Nice large alien ship sprite wouldn't be out of place in R-Type. Excellent Snowy TV effect when you die. The whole game has something of a cinematic feel as the action takes place within the bounds of something not unlike a moving filmstrip. Of course I'm sure it is not actually meant to be a strip of film! You have but one life to save our precious blue orb from ominous mass extinction. Woody states:- I'll not bother coming up with any usual game blurb for this other than to thank Elite and Hewson Consultants for their pretty graphics I, erm, borrowed :)
Comments	Most of Woody's submissions get scores above a nominal 5.0 because they have had a bit of effort put into them and they invariably written in machine code. This one is quite possibly the only game I've ever played where the instructions stay over the play area after the game has started, only to get successively wiped off the screen by the?ongoing sprite action. What a nice touch for the CGC that was. The user launched projectile is so slow in this one - it is actually about the same speed as the enemy spaceship. So, if you hesitate and then miss on the first firing you will be royally screwed. I also have to ask, how big is the enemy ship sprite? 64x64 at a guess - how can you compete against that with your tiny copter? This one also features analogue TV snow effect.

Eat Sh*t!
Author	Radastan
Filename	eatshit.z80
Year	2008
Position	3
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	This one certainly fits the description of the compo, and in a quite literal sense! A variety of amusing responses await you as you chomp your way through the game. You shouldn't crap out as long as you have mastered the ability of pressing SPACE.
Comments	This game is clearly hilarious. You positively can't help but laugh at the action of the head at the bottom of the screen as it eats the crap and the simple text comments are just brilliant. I was also amazed by the vast number of combinations of graphics characters in the program listing needed in order to give the crap a realistic animation. It only didn't win due to the technically of it more being like a sh*teating demo than a fully interactive game. However, half a point was clawed back for the funky haircut on the horizontal sh*teating maniac at the bottom of the screen.

Elfen
Author	Garry Wishart
Filename	Elfen.zip
Year	2008
Position	21
Format	ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
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Description	This game is a take on Conway's famous Game of Life, but with a crucial difference - you the player influence how successive generations develop by controlling the elemental forces of the game universe. Although I've added this one to the online arcade as a snapshot, I strongly recommend that you download the original tapefile version from this page. You'll then see the loading screen and wonder at the marvellous speccy rendering of the Clifton Suspension Bridge - very nice! Be sure to absorb the instructions as much as practically possible before playing. Ultimately you'll be able to develop a taste for some real power.
Comments	A colourful visual treat awaits the player, as you play a God controlling the elemental forces of the game world. Watch the green beings suffer or thrive according to your choices. The game ticks many of the boxes expected of a crap game entry, including outrageously poor spelling and grammar and also a nice if wholly irrelevant captured intro screenshot, so overall a very respectable score. You've also just got to love the Press Some Key method of proceeding through the instructions. Yes, which key this time?

Elmo's karaoke C-rap (and many more)
Author	Dr BEEP
Filename	elmo.tap
Year	2008
Position	107
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Here's one for the kids or adults alike from Dr BEEP, featuring a high quality Elmo graphic and lots of entertaining gameplay. I'll be sure to read up on Elmo's World at next oppurtunity as Dr BEEP suggests. I have some memories of the very educational Sesame Street from my early childhood. Frank T provided the BEEP instructions for the tune and today's CSSCGC update was brought to you by the letter 'C'... Dr BEEP Writes:- For the non-Sesamestreet watchers (I have a small kid, so I may watch). In Sesamestreet Elmo has his own item called Elmo's world. Google on this and you understand the meaning of this game. Best to do AFTER you have seen this program running several songs to keep the element of surprise,
Comments	OK, I confess I played this game a lot and I still haven't got the bottom of its mysteries. I just keep getting?the Jingle Bells?tune (by FrankT) played whilst the Elmo character displays a speech bubble, containing the letter I just pressed repeatedly displayed. At doing?this, the game is very good and I applaud it. The graphics of Elmo himself look rather professionally done, but I cannot seem to unlock any further tunes or surprise messages from the game - which in a way is job well done for something in the crap game compo. It did however bring back fond memories of my early childhood as I watched Sesame Street many times before eventually having to go to school (which never was quite as much fun).

The Eric Morecambe Catching Invisible Things in a Bag Simulator
Author	Ben Rapier
Filename	EMCITIABS.z80
Year	2008
Position	42
Format	ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
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Description	Back in the days before the telly was totally crap - the telly was well, partially crap, but you had to let someone else make you own entertainment back then. Just because we couldn't wire ourselves up to the global information network we would instead watch a great comedy legend attempt to catch invisible items in a bag. So the logical updating of this is to allow oursleves in the Internet era to become the comedic actor on our own personal digital stage. I managed to score -2 before grabbing the screenshot. Can you do any better than this? The ability to control computer software using only the power of your mind is a great advantage when playing this game.
Comments	A nice diversion I found this, after seemingly endless onslaught of previously reviewed pure-text entries and/or with Simulator in their title. Oops, I just noticed, this one also had Simulator in the title, still it has no lawnmowers in it, unless of course one of the things caught in the bag is an invisible model lawnmower. Anyway - the game is one which alludes to some distant popular culture of some years ago, and is completely impossible to?play?- so?another one for CGC purists. Sweet. The bag also makes me want to go out and drink a pint of Guinness, in fact more so than most of the currently unfathomable Guinness TV ads. Nice use of small font text driver, which was unexpected!

Escape from Niburon Prime
Author	Woody
Filename	Escape_from_Niburon_Prime.tap
Year	2008
Position	28
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K/128K
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Description	A treat for sci-fi fans ensues in this latest quality release from Woody. The backstory is rather reminicsent of an episode of Blake's 7 or Space 1999 (OK well maybe just a little). After suffering the unfortunate crashing of your spacecraft onto the titular planet, you must use QAOP keys to navigate blindly around a dark alien maze with only a limited air supply available. You must use your powers of stumbling about in the dark to their fullest ability, lest you be incarcerated and preserved forever in a naturally airless crypt. Woody tells us:- With a fully animated intro and high-speed, high-quality graphics, be prepared to be thoroughly engrossed for up to a minute in this brand new, action packed release for any Spectrum 48K/128K machine. Or something. *Updated 14/11/08* - Woody tells me:- Maybe I should perhaps add that the paths through the tunnel sections in Escape from Niburon Prime are actually completely visible on a real 48K machine, and also in the more recent versions of SpecEmu :) I'm hoping, given time, that it gives a little more incentive for emulator developers to add the extra brightness levels to their emulators. We'll see...
Comments	Yet another showcase of Woody's advanced machine code skills and trickery. Marvel at the spaceflight segment, followed by the part where you have to escape a seemingly invisible maze on the planet's surface. Ho ho, you might exclaim! That's a funny gag, the maze is invisible. This is comedy genius, I must say. But therein lies yet another twist unbeknownst to the casual player as I once was. You see, revealing the secrets of this game is rather like peeling layers from an onion - i.e it may make you want to cry. Play this on either a real speccy or on the most recent versions of SpecEmu and you will actually see the maze become perfectly visible - due to some little known quirk causing colour1 PAPER on colour2 INK to have slightly different intensity than colour2 PAPER on colour1 INK! So think of this one as firstly a game, but secondly and emulator tester. Good score awarded due to this neat technical trick.

Ultimate Eye Surgery Simulator
Author	Dr BEEP
Filename	eye.tap
Year	2008
Position	11
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Would you like to take a look at this game? Well, it sure wants to take a look at you. Not a game for the faint-hearted, as you purposely damage your scary large eye and then have to fix it up later in a fully equipped surgical theatre. I can't even bear to watch the scene in Saturn 3 where Hector the robot grabs a small object from Farrah Fawcett's eye! The surgical element to the game does indeed remind me of an old 16-bit game called life and death though I have to say. Dr BEEP writes:-Try the 'ultimate eye surgery simulator'. Controls Cursor and ENTER to select. See the new medical innovations like square lights. At first you must be the fool who shoots a piece of metal in his own eye. After succeeding the eyetest where you must type in the tokens that you see, you are allowed to do the surgery. The surgery must be done in the right order to succeed. Have fun, Dr Beep.
Comments	Think back to the movie Flight of the Navigator, remember the scene where our young protagonist is within the alien spaceship (and life form) and he is introduced to all manner of creatures from around our galactic neighbourhood and beyond. Well, one of those creatures is a rather large eye, which actually screams eye-eye-eye-eye in English when disturbed. This is the basis for this game from Dr BEEP. Actually it isn't but I was reminded of this nevertheless. I mean the eye is just so huge! As previously mentioned it is reminiscent of operation games such as Life & Death on the ST/Amiga and others (actually were there any others?). If you can overcome any squeamishness you may have or fear of hospitals, then it's a satisfying and highly unique little diversion for a few minutes.

Flight Simulator 2008
Author	James Smith
Filename	FlightSim2008.zip
Year	2008
Position	116
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	With a frame rate higher than Microsoft's Flight Simulator X, real map data of northern Scotland and a full set of documentation, this is for all practical purposes a retail product, and well done for shoehorning it all into 48K. I'm surprised the author didn't also supply me with a scan of the cassette inlay with ?14.99 WHSMITH stuck on it! However, James really does assure us in the documentation that the game is in fact crap. Do you believe him? To me it brings back vague memories of TLL, but with none of that urban jungle nonsense getting in the way of the beautiful Scottish countryside! Full asm source code is also provided. By the way, James asks Perhaps somebody can show me how to remove the flicker?. Can you help on the CSSCGC 2008 forum?
Comments	Why the low crapness score? Look, this game is just too darn good, and the crapness rating is therefore very low! I actually enjoy playing it, and it's written in professional assembly language. Add in the documentation and real maps, and you have something that could've been ordered back in the day from James Smith Games plc. PO. Box 27. Inverness. Price ?14.99, please allow 28 days for?delivery.?I'm sorry but submitting good games like this ain't gonna win the compo. Congrats on the game though it really is great to see a geographically accurate Scotland scroll past on our beloved speccy.

Fluke
Author	Chris Young
Filename	fluke.tap
Year	2008
Position	50
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Here you can relive your enjoyment of anodyne TV gameshows by playing the part of a contestant. You know, those sort of shows that were demoted from Saturday evening slots to weekday daytime TV with horrendous budget cuts, no audience and an ill-suited minor celebrity. The beginning of this game reminds me of a famous Bullseye episode - Bowen: And what do you do for a living?. Contestant: I'm currently unemployed, Jim. Bowen: Super, Smashing, Great!. You may find the spin the pointer sub-game a little on the slow side. To maximise your enjoyment of this, convert the game to .SNA format and play it under the old JPP emulator at approx %10000 speed on a modern PC. This will also provide a nice rounded TV screen border, which seems somehow appropriate to the game.
Comments	Loved the?reckless randomness of the PAPER and INK colours, which meant I?was blessed with an almost illegible white text on yellow screengrab for the website. It is legible if you squint both?eyes, and don't mind suffering a thumping migraine later on in the day. Good use of familiar British place names helps build the atmosphere in this exceedingly crass game. I don't watch much TV anymore, but if I did, I bet this program is on most weekdays. Barring it being taken off the air due to an unexpected large scale war, celebrity wardrobe malfunction or some similar disaster. My God, that spinner just goes round and round until you are about ready to give up on the game and then about another minute longer. Cheers for that patience-testing element - I just cleaned a fish tank out whilst waiting for it to finish!

Advanced Fruit Machine Simulator
Author	Woody
Filename	Fruit2.szx
Year	2008
Position	61
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Thanks to Woody's ongoing development efforts, we are continuing to get a crap game each day and it is well known that a crap game a day keeps the boredom away! This one reminds me of two things. First thing was when I was child I used to go to the local arcades and spend pocket money on the one arm bandits in fact too much money was wasted on these machines, but it was highly enjoyable. Eventually I received a VIC-20 fruit simulator game, very much like this entry. Comments abounded such as Think of the money you are saving, playing it on the computer as I gleefully inserted a virtually infinite number of credits by repeatedly hitting F5 on the keyboard. Of course the realisation kicked in soon enough that if real money couldn't actually be won, then a big part of the thrill had been taken away and within a few days I was back down the arcades again, my appetite for real gambling fuelled even further by the computer. Second thing this reminds me of is a well known local radio show of the '80s called Hold Your Plums, which had a fruit machine theme running through it. Robotic sounding phrases such as Hold yer Lemons have stayed stuck in my mind until this day and I absolutely cannot play a game like this without thinking of this! This simulator features expertly drawn high-resolution fruit graphics as can be seen in the screenshot and some simple but pleasant tones as the wheels come to rest. As I write this, I just got a line of three cherries and won ten further plays. Nice! *Updated 31/12/08* - Woody supplied an updated version of the game. The reels now spin in the oppositie direction (mentioned by Dr BEEP). Also there is now a HOLD feature.
Comments	What we have here is a carefully crafted game which certainly takes me back nostalgically to the early eighties when I could barely see the pale yellow lemons on my black'n'white telly as I attempted to play similar games back then. Behold, the addition of the HOLD feature almost doubling up the fun-factor as Woody submitted the second version of this title. Dr BEEP had pointed out he likes his reels spinning in the opposite direction and so Woody kindly obliged and the result is this version which I judged. The game is crap because the reel scrolling is discrete and not done at the pixel level so a tip of the hat for getting that wrong (I mean right in the context of the CGC of course). Play till you run out of money (unlikely) or patience in which case you may well decide to reset your speccy with 2p still in the game balance (tut tut).

Fun BASIC
Author	Dr BEEP
Filename	funbasic.tap
Year	2008
Position	82
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Just when I thought all crap game coders had started to go into hibernation for the winter, I am happy to announce the first game of October after a two week CGC hiatus. Dr BEEP did warn me before submission that this version of BASIC is impossible to program in and I really should have taken his word for it. I won't spoil the surprise by revealing what constitutes the element of fun here, but you can download the game or play it in the crap game arcade to find out. I can mention though that a Highlander reference finally made it into the CGC! (Which was badly needed at this point.)
Comments	People's definition of fun can vary and if a fun sized Mars bar can exist (The only fun being?that you've just been ripped off by buying undersized chocolate bars) then this program can certainly be called fun. The user, on pressing various keys is?presented with a selection of funny remarks, rather than actually programming anything. The responses vary from amusing to surreal - but be sure to select all of the extended and shift-extended keywords as well as punctuation, lest you miss some humorous pearl of wisdom. It's a gas for a few minutes and I haven't heard so much laughter from a computer response since we got /dev/tty - device not found from a win32 command prompt! Oh that one was a real side-splitter I can tell you. TAN:- Got a TAN from holiday and LLIST:- Don't stutter where amongst the more memorable one-line responses of this submission.

Garage BEEP
Author	Andrew Owen
Filename	GarageBEEP_v1.z80
Year	2008
Position	108
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Welcome to a fully fledged music editor for the standard BEEPER equipped speccy! And there's me thinking it was usually an Atari ST tucked up next to a musician's keyboards? Not necessarily so! Colourful and professional looking graphics are the order of the day and the whole thing has a rounded corner style about it. I entered a few notes and then repeatedly pressed the '3' key in order to scroll the note cursor back to the beginning of my tune. I then played the notes with the 'b' key. The BEEPer hardware has a huge octave range and a look at the length of the virtual keyboard at the tpo of the screen illustrates this rather well. Andrew writes:-here's version one of GarageBEEP. Everything works. You can use it to create a data array for playbackin your own BASIC program. Most of the keys are on-screen. But you canalso use B to play the current note and SPACE to save the array. LOAD with LOAD DATA t() Playback is done via: BEEP 240/(tempo*t(2,note)),t(1,note) where tempo is the number of BPM and note is the note (1-1024) The editor is too slow to be easily useable, even with emulation speed turned up. Consider it a proof of concept. It can't do rests either.:)
Comments	This one looks great and the graphics are in no way crap. In fact you are starting to think it is something like CUBASE and ask yourself, where do I insert the dongle? The answer is probably in your ear if you listen to some of the crap I came up with whilst messing around with this one. It is very slow as Andrew acknowledges (good-oh!) So it's probably a case of all fair coat and no knickers as when Mrs Hubbard the cupboard labelled Machine Code, it in fact contained BASIC. Getting near the end of the judging for me now and so I ask myself have I lost the plot yet? Mr Bimble replies No you haven't. Verdict: Looks good, feature packed and could be useful to game designers. Not actually that crap! Stop the press: Andrew has released a non-crap much further developed version with more machine code in it. This is very good and Mister BEEP produced an outstanding tune with it. Naturally, my judgement is solely of the earlier CSSCGC 2008 crap version.

GoatFall
Author	compiuter
Filename	GoatFall.tzx
Year	2008
Position	27
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Learn some interesting facts about the culture of Manganeses de la Polvorosa in the province of Zamora, Spain as you play this game. You take the role of goat tosser as you throw a goat from the top of the church's bell tower to be caught (hopefully) in a sheet of tarpaulin by the (invisible) cheering crowd below. What will the verdict be? 'tis in the hands of the Gods I think.
Comments	This is certainly a crap game, and for all the right reasons. As you push the goat off the bell tower, the pitch of the BEEP increases as it falls.?As the goat is moving?downwards, I can't help but sit there and think the BEEP pitch should decrease! Add in a dramatic long wait for the goat verdict (like in some?reality TV game show) and also the fact that the player has no control over the game whatsoever apart from pressing a single key (a l? Eat Shit!) make this game achieve a respectable crapness score. A nice touch is the text screen describing the history of the goat throwing practice in this area of Spain. I've never seen anything like that sort of Tourist Information Board in a crap game before! I should point out as it is mentioned in the game that this historical tradition has now been superseded by the throwing of a cardboard stone.

Oh My God!
Author	A.J. Moss
Filename	god.tap
Year	2008
Position	17
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Defend the cross from attack by snake like monsters in this arcade actioner. Use keys QAOP to move the monk around the play area and M to fire the aerosol can weapon at the incoming waves of magenta enemies. The cross will naturally rise, but if the the enemies touch it, then it will start to descend. If it reaches the bottom of the screen, then you will lose a life. Allow the cross to ascend near to the top of the screen in order to progress to the next level. Features high quality UDG graphics, and an impressively neat and well commented BASIC listing. Although the author comments This game is undeniably slower, feebler and less entertaining than I had thought possible when I first dreamed it up in my head.. *Update* - The author added a holy hand grenade.
Comments	Here's another one that's actually quite good as games go. I've certainly spent many a weekend in my youth?entering enormous type-ins into various?8-bit computers with the end result seldom looking as good as this graphically. It is a long time now between the submission of the game and the writing of these results (almost a year in fact) But IIRC, the author insisted that the game was nowhere near as good as it should've been - which makes it ideally placed to get a good score in the CGC as it stands. The flat top shaped head of the crucified in-game messianic character looked suitably comical for this game and also the rather amusing use of an aerosol as a weapon just cries out originality. I suppose rather predictably, I can't help but think of the Always look on the bright side of life tune when playing it.

GOD Simulator 2008
Author	Firelord
Filename	GOD_Simulator2008v01.zip
Year	2008
Position	78
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Description by Firelord:- GOD Simulator 2008 'In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...' Have you ever wanted to know what would happen if GOD didn't design the world as it is now? How would the sky look if it was different? Now you can relive all the EPIC CREATION playing the role of GOD After this game , nothing will EVER be the same !!!
Comments	You can't get a more God game type game than a God simulator. Even Populous doesn't touch this when it comes to actually playing the role of God. A relatively simplistic affair awaits (compared to actually running the entire universe) and?you'd be forgiven for thinking that some elements of being God have been omitted from the game due to the technical limitations of the speccy platform. I like the drawing of the asterisk starfield though. That was the sort of graphical treat which could be found in type-in books of the era and used to really impress me during the early days of home 8-bit computing.

Hammy Time
Author	mulder
Filename	Hammy_Time_v1.2.tap
Year	2008
Position	22
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	It's Hammy Time! When it comes to hamster-in-a-wheel falling games, u can't touch this. Guide our furry friend to the left or right, using Z & M keys. Watch out because both the ceiling and floor are lethal and there are other hazards too. Try to survive for as long as possible and also hear the delightful blip on catching a magenta bonus life object. The shape of the play area is comparable to that of Tetris type games and necessarily so. Also features full-colour hi-res graphics and with some apt sound effects. I personally found the game difficult to start off with and kept dying right away. I also initially thought the animal inside the wheel looked like a cat! But, just about the time I wrote this, I started to get just a little better at the game, getting a feel for the timing of it.
Comments	This game is great. We can overlook the fact that Hammy the Hamster looks like a circus trained cat in this one, because it is just so darn enjoyable and colourful into the bargain too - the crap fun factor is high in this one. Although I fear if this was submitted for inclusion on the original cascade tape, the prompt response would have been Sorry, but we already filled our quota of one good game - frogger, we are looking for 49 crap games. Tell you what, this one'll be a budget ?1.99 release all of its own - how's that sound?

Harry the Magical: Harry and the Orden
Author	C.M. Gilles
Filename	harrypoker.zip
Year	2008
Position	85
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Surely a treat for all fans of truly crap games and I'm sure it may pique the curiosity of Harry Potter fans and maybe even poker fans alike. The author tells me that part of this game in the Harry the Magical game series is in fact based on poker, but that he does not know how to write a poker algorithm. Hence it has been entered into the CGC. A colleague of mine managed to get into the poker sub-game after playing for a little while, by talking to the dude in the top right. The game appears to have MIA status in the WoS archives. Some source code files included. Hint: Run the file harrypoker.sna. This game is completely free, but the author welcomes any donations - further details in the accompanying docs.
Comments	I could be mistaken, but this has the look and feel of one of those I already made a game and I might as well send it in to the CGC type of submissions. Nothing wrong with that, in fact it was welcomed in 2008 and quite a few entrants took this approach (even did it myself in 2007). You can play poker in it, but apparently it is not implemented correctly. So that's at least partially crap, but the rest of game plays a little too good. It's a top-down view - a similar mechanism to Zelda series on the gameboy. Clearly also this one is firmly in the RPG genre, with what I'm guessing are Hit Points and Magic Points displayed on the screen. I walked up a very long corridor whereupon I entered into a duel and won it, although I don't know exactly how. As a first time player, I found the game a little confusing as to what was the right thing to do, but I'm certainly no RPG expert!

Hunchback '08
Author	Andrew Owen
Filename	hb8.z80
Year	2008
Position	26
Format	Timex TC2048 & Spectrum SE
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Description	Andrew writes:- Hi, As promised, and to mark the 25th Anniversary of the Timex screen mode, I'm submitting: HunchBack '08 to the CSSCGC. This was originally written by me in 1984 when I was off sick from school. Clearly I was very ill. Enter to START, Q=LEFT, P=RIGHT, SPACE=JUMP. Previously entered as HunchBack '84 in CSSCGC99 for the Spectrum 48K. This one requires a Timex TC2048. No idea if it works on any emulators besides FUSE but it should work on anything that emulates a TC2048. Cheers! -Andrew
Comments	Ahh, the CGC '99 - a vintage year. The original version of this game was developed for that one. We are now of course all a little older, a little wiser - but a damn sight more colo(u)rful. As The Who might have sung - hope I die before I use per-line?colour attributes. But not in this case?as the intro screen will surely blow your tights?off. The game itself is a typical hunchback affair, yet no worse than a similar Dragon 32 cartridge a firend of mine once paid good money for. Enjoy this all ye followers of the Timex- for this is your reward for possessing extra graphics capabilities. The reason, no-one else out there wrote anything else for it - apart from some BASIC extensions. (Although, seriously, I bet they did, but I don't know of it - I never did spy through the keyhole of the Timex scene)

Helen 'nnngggghhh' Keller's Super Off-Road Racer
Author	Anne 'Two taps' Sullivan
Filename	hkorf.tap
Year	2008
Position	33
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	nnngggghhh' was funnily enough the first word that I uttered after I saw this game. The black screen with an intentional complete lack of graphics portrays a realistic simulation of lacking the ability to see. An amusing crap idea in this game is that when prompted to Try Again? your keyboard response is completely ignored, and you will get another go anyway. In game keys are QAOP and SPACE. I can only guess that the loading screen was artfully lifted from an Alison Moyet video.
Comments	This one caused much distraction in the workplace when workmates started playing it. For those who didn't know who she was, Helen Keller was quickly Googled for followed shortly thereafter by a rapid scan of her Wikipedia article. A solid representation of what it is like to lose the sense of sight is frighteningly realised here in this brutally all-too-real simulation. It can only end in tears - and I hope that's not tears of laughter you heartless bunch! The loading screen needs framing and sticking in the Tate.

Advanced Betting Simulator 2008
Author	Gavin Callard
Filename	HRS.Z80
Year	2008
Position	37
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Press 'J' to continue into this all too realistic betting simulation where you may or may not learn an important lesson about the futility of gambling. I certainly did after I lost my remaining ?5.8 on Jumping Sprout at Campston. Nicely done horse graphics, and impressively all of the letters you have to press to proceed in the game happen to be high scoring in scrabble.
Comments	A considerable effort must've gone into generating the large number of comical horse and race names. However the fact that the horse graphics are just too professional and the correct racing colour of green was used make the game too good. Perhaps if the official crap game colour of magenta were employed, the score could've been increased by half a point. Thankfully though, the score was boosted by incorrectly rounding pounds and pence and by requiring awkward key presses to advance the game. Of course there are also the instructions, which have the gall to refer to the player as You sad git. How did he know, is there a webcam in here or something?

Identity Parade
Author	Woody
Filename	IdentityParade.szx
Year	2008
Position	32
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Be sure to wear a clean pair of underpants for this one. For you are about to suffer a rather nasty road accident. You don't want the eternal embarrasment of the paramedics seeing skid-marks on you as well as the road! Fortunately, although the accident in question is completely unavoidable for the player (call it fate), there is a chance that the offender will be brought to justice. Let's not ask any awkward questions, like what where you doing standing still in the middle of the main road, with your eyes closed and wearing a pair of headphones? Anyhow the perpetrator is subsequently lined up in an identity parade along with eight other random members of the public. Is your memory good enough to tell the assailant apart from the others? The police will very generously give you up to three attempts to nail the offending motorcyclist. Choose wisely, or the offender will be laughing in the face of justice.
Comments	Woody's superb rendering of urban United States during the first phase of this game gets everything right. The dollar signs in the shop Window. The motorcyclist driving (just about) on the right of the road. This also is a retro game with traits of far more modern games. Because, what we basically have here is a non-interactive cutscene. As for the interactive part of the game, well it's a quick gag meaning success is again in the hands of pseudo random elements. Or at least I think it is. I can't be totally sure, as I don't think I ever actually won the game. In any case - a reasonable score for the time and effort - the graphics are indeed memorable and really just of outrageously high quality I have to say.

Improved Advanced 16K Spectrum Emulator
Author	Andrew Owen, Dr BEEP & James Smith
Filename	ImpAdv16KSpecEm.zip
Year	2008
Position	25
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	*Updated 20/09/08* - James Smith and Dr BEEP have further improved Andrew's program, leading to this version finally posted by Dr BEEP. It assembles to a mere 12 bytes - that's an average of 4 bytes each for Andrew, DR BEEP and James Smith. Following on from the above entry, we now have the Power Users version of 16K Spectrum Emulator written in 100% pure assembly language. It's probably about a million times faster than the previous version, so that's a nice speed improvement. You can either download this entry as usual or copy'n'paste from here:- ; Advanced 16K Spectrum Emulator ; Copyright 2008 Andrew Owen, Dr BEEP & James Smith org $nnFD dump $nnFD start equ loop+2 loop jp p,$11cb defb 0,0 ; Initially LD DE,0 then just 2x NOP di ld a,c ld (de),a dec de and d jr loop At 21 12 bytes when assembled, you may be interested to know that this is so far the shortest entry submitted to CSSCGC 2008.
Comments	This little known deep underground coding triumvirate (a.ka. Tres Hombres) have done it again, sneaking this 12-byter out onto an unsuspecting compo spectatorship. In fact, if you can excuse the difficulty I was faced with on writing an entire paragraph on a twelve byte piece of code, I don't really have anything additional to say about this one apart from it does exactly what the BASIC version does, is about a million times faster at filling high-memory and has been expertly byte crunched by our optimising friends. The machine code trick used is one for the books though - use the source, Luke. It is a little known fact, but the ultimate 2008 crap game experience can be had by using this program to step through all of the 16K games in the compo and find out which ones work under it yet had missing UDGs in 48K mode (not that I ever did this).

Kabaddi
Author	Paul E Collins
Filename	Kabaddi.tzx
Year	2008
Position	4
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	In this professional sports simulation based on the highly entertaining Indian game of Kabaddi, you play the role of a raider. Brings back memories of watching the sport on Channel 4 all those years ago. Basic typing skills required.
Comments	A fascinating idea to base a game on Kabaddi, which poses the question how would the dynamics of the sport be implemented?. The cunning idea of using the INPUT command in such a repetitive manner was really what made this game truly crap I thought, so bonus points for that. Also extra points for the large block graphics reminiscent of many Atari 2600 cartridges. This game made me realise how awful I am at typing! We just need a quick brown fox type game similar to this one now so I can improve my skills across the whole keyboard! Of course I could have slowed down my typing, but as this is Kabaddi, I felt the psychological need to keep the pace up whilst playing.

Knot in 2D
Author	BloodBaz
Filename	Knot_in_2D.tzx
Year	2008
Position	23
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Epiphany is with us, a feast day and traditionally a time of merry-making. How apt then that we receive this fun submission from BloodBaz, perhaps seeking redemption after the sins of Advanced PURPLE loading simulator. The psychological scars from that one still haven't quite left some of us yet, but hey ho its a new year and at least this one is actually a playable arcade game of sorts. Imagine the scenario, you have beaten the game TRON, survived the discs of death and then crucially beat the light-cycle riding opponents. The Master Control Program (MCP) is no more. But do you feel like digitising yourself again and getting back into the system for one more solo lightcycle ride? Take in some of the digital scenery without MCP trying to flush you out. Why not? Just watch out though as you can still crash into your own trails. OK, I admit this game has absolutely nothing to do with TRON, but certainly reminds me of the 8-bit lightcycle games based on the movie. In the 2008 CSSCGC we are blessed with the BASIC version, which doesn't actually seem terribly crap for BASIC. In fact it runs at a very reasonable pace. Watch out though Guesser, BloodBaz has promised a machine code version for CSSCGC 2009!
Comments	Out of BloodBaz's two entries this year, this is by far the best crap effort. Guide your swiftly moving pixel around the screen avoiding hitting its own path or the edges of the play area. Perhaps the code could be adapted to make an etch-a-sketch simulator? Clever intro screen which for a second tricks the user into thinking they may be starting a 3D game, before 3D changes to 2D with an accompanying low frequency BEEP sound. Brings us right back down to Earth with a bump like any crap game should do! Verdict: A fair effort, but when held up against Advanced PURPLE loading simulator it can only be described as pure genius!

Lapland Theme Park Manager
Author	cruddy software
Filename	lapland.sna
Year	2008
Position	123
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Mummy, mummy that's not real snow!, I know but we just paid thirty quid to get in here so start enjoying yourself! Oh yes, another Christmas themed title arrives at CSSCGC 2008. Break out the mince pies and pour yourself a moderate glass of sherry, as playing this one may make you feel a little cold. A simulation of synthetic snow, and absolutely bugger all else is provided here which gives a somewhat authentic reproduction of a modern day Lapland-themed park in the UK. Can you succesfully manage the park by overseeing absolutely nothing, and doing absolutely nothing on a regular day-to-day basis? Just sit back and wait for the cash to roll in, hopefully guaranteeing a rather cosy Christmas for you and yours. *Updated 06/12/08* - The program was optimised down to one line of code. Hey, it's a one-liner - I just had to get one!
Comments	Let me say that I think cruddy software are a band of one and that member is none other than ADJB. I'm not sure if there were any accomplices to this software abomination, but I'm guessing they would keep quiet anyway. This entry was submitted via Text mode, an experimental feature of CSSCGC 2008 whereby entrants could post on forums or email me a piece of BASIC, assembler or FORTH code for example and I would accept it as a submitted compo entry. Perhaps this title has ensured that the experiment will never again be repeated in the CGC. The title has one saving grace it is (or was at the time) topical and also funny too, or at least I had to write something funny around it on the site. An amazing trick is that this entry runs completely unmodified on ANY of the permitted platforms (including the Jupiter ACE), so has simultaneously become the worst CGC entry on all of those systems at the same time. If I didn't rank this (which consists solely of the line 10 CLS) last in the compo, then how could I have ever justify making someone else lose whilst this exists? Thanks ADJB, you gave us one to remember (or should I say forget) but I have to admire the audacity of submitting it!

Advanced Lawnmower Simulator 3D
Author	Paul E Collins
Filename	Lawn3d.tzx
Year	2008
Position	104
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Keenly billed as the joke that never dies, the legendary simulator from way back when has now been updated for the 21st century. It really puts a new perspective on this favoured suburban pursuit, and with a real time weather system too!
Comments	On hearing of this game it's easy to imagine visions of Flight Simulator X type realism, or at least at the level of Gunship. What we do get though is a simple trick of perspective and a lovely magenta mower. I'll tell you what, the way those clouds are moving across the sky, it's clearly blowing quite a gale out there today. Better put your mittens on! Points deducted for allowing mowing just slightly over the red line (An affront to civilised society) but as always it just wouldn't do to underestimate the enduring cultural legacy the lawnmower crap game series enjoys, so at least it scored above 5 - not bad!

The Advanced Lawngrower Simulation
Author	ADJB
Filename	lawngrow.tzx
Year	2008
Position	72
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	ADJB provides a full description for this entry here. After all this time, we finally have the missing link in the evolution of the well known and loved lawnmower simulation games. Speccy crap game archeologists or specrapologists will now be pulling an overtime shift on piecing together the murky history behind this proto-game. Of course for the rest of us casual players, it's a chance to marvel at the ZX rendering of a lush green, peaceful suburban garden. It also gives us the ability to relive those carefree summer days when gardening was such a simple pleasure. For best results, play whilst listening to Radio 4's Gardeners' Question Time
Comments	I was tempted to rename this one The Advanced LawnGROAN Simulation but on reflection I guess ADJB can't fully be blamed for the fact that the CGC was flooded with lawnmower themed games this year. In fact if we didn't have any then it'd be a bit like getting through Christmas without the telly being crap - i.e. just not right somehow. Well if this game doesn't do just about everything right for the CGC then I don't know what would. Colourful intro screen converted to ZX Spectrum format, Check! Mention of a lawnmower, Check! Pre-scripted player task triggered by single key press, Check! Satisfying game denouement, Erm.. Check! So in short, everything's right here. Twenty minutes spent on the loading screen and five on the game. I could comment on the lack of UDGs, but then again doesn't a lower case 'i' make great blade of grass!

Advanced Lawnmower Starter Simulator 2
Author	Steve 'sparkes' Parkes
Filename	lawnmower2.sna
Year	2008
Position	52
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	OK, now this is getting kinda funky! Did you enjoy the above game? Well we now have a touch of class added to the burgeoning ALSS franchise. Be prepared for the luxurious and hi-tech addition of an electric starter. This somewhat tilts the odds in favour of the player. Isn't it amazing what can be done with the humble 1-bit beeper of the speccy? Naturally, Steve informs us that David Darling describes this game as the best thing since sliced bread. Congrats also to Steve for being the first entrant of CSSCGC 2008 to score what is technically known as a perfect hat-trick. That's when you submit three crap games in a row with no other entrant submitting a game in-between.
Comments	Clearly this game has to be given a slightly higher score than it's predecessor, as it is a sort of de-luxe, refined version. The electric starter does all of the work for you, so no effort need be expended by repeatedly tapping the keyboard. A superb game for anyone who is bone-idle, and again you've just got to love the futility of it. The sound effects are top-notch proving once and for all that the BEEPER is the ultimate digital sound system! Of course we expected nothing less after playing the prequel. What can I say, other than great for people in a hurry. You can play this one over a bowl of coco-pops in the morning!

LOST 2008 - The Adventure
Author	Firelord
Filename	Lost_TheAdventure2008_v03.zip
Year	2008
Position	67
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Description by Firelord:- LOST 2008 - The Adventure LOST 2008 - The Adventure is the first spectrum game that features REAL COLOR photos. Implementing the Advanced InterPC Spectrum Graphics System(TM) or AISGS, this game can impress even the Amstrad & commodore users. Featuring more than 7000 exotic locations it put you as the leader of a group of people that was lost after a plain crash. At various points of the game you will be asked to open a specific image from the /images_/ folder of the game. We suggest you keep an image viewer open in your PC.
Comments	The second LOST game entered into CSSCGC 2008 makes me wonder what it is about this TV series that has seemingly given it a lasting cultural impact. (alas I have not seen it yet) Again, an amusing array of input options is provided on the start screen, which is the hallmark of a Firelord release. We have come to expect nothing less! I take it the main point of this game is to highlight how each episode is painfully dragged out, which does seem to be a feature of many current day TV series. A unique and original touch is the inclusion of digital photographs for viewing on a PC. These are critical for playing the game, since they are referenced from the in-game text in lieu of actual ZX Spectrum compatible images. The resolution may be much better this way, although I can't help but speculate what the result would've been had these images been run through a .SCR converter - crapper than this I presume?

Mini Game Compo Simulator
Author	Dr BEEP
Filename	MGC.TAP
Year	2008
Position	86
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	*Updated 28/09/08* - Dr BEEP provided instructions on how to access the Easter Egg in his game, found in this forum post, in SPOILER tags. *Updated 26/09/08* - B-key added (BIASED VOTING) I also noticed that this game had to be released during Easter 2008 since I found an easteregg in it. When the results are shown on 1 certain game you can activate a competition. The release of the game was overdue and the programmers forgot to take out the competition. You get the competition, but the competition has ended before the game was released on the market. Here we have the first public version of Dr BEEP's realistic simulation of the Minigame Compo. Dr BEEP says Everything is in it, submitting games with S-key and voting with the V-key. I am still working on the B-key (Biased voting settings). (B-key=Biased Voting) You can have a good laugh at the all-too realistic sounding game names. In this real time simulator (partially real time that is), the entire annual compo can be played out before you in a matter of minutes. During the game your role will switch from hopeful entrant to compo judge. Will you award all of your points to certain select entrants and game genres or will you attempt to be noble and truly impartial? Even if you are impartial, could there possibly be other random hidden forces at work which may sway things in favour of certain entrants and games anyway? I couldn't possibly comment. So I'll just say, play this game a few times and you can find out for yourself.
Comments	You know when Dr. BEEP has an axe to grind - he starts emitting small games at an alarming rate. This one really shook the foundations of the minigame compo community, or at least it would have done had any minigame judges ever played it which I suspect they didn't. I only say this because there seems to be some sort of communication barriers between various sections of the home-brew retro-gaming community. For example I don't think the mini-game judges have ever seen any of my CGC postings around the Internet and I have never seen any of theirs either. So, the competitions go on as two isolated bubbles in a vast retro-gaming ocean. In this game, I personally enjoy looking at such great mock usernames as C64 lover and also the game names such as Lightbulb Factory, whilst keeping out of the politics! In that respect, I found it to be an amusing enough diversion.

Mind Game
Author	Woody
Filename	Mind_Game.szx
Year	2008
Position	68
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Entering an intergalactic mathematical contest, you play the part of our centre-parted seriously intelligent representative of Earth. Now, try not to let the planet down, because if Earth becomes known throughout the Universe as idiot planet then we'll know who to blame! Just because the alien opponents may have mastered the art of hyper-dimensional spacetime folding and interstallar travel it does not mean we can't pull a fast one over them when it comes to simple decimal arithmetic. Anyway, us Earthlings can always brush up on our maths skills, but they'll always be ugly. I haven't yet decided whether the alien contestant is incredibly gummy (missing his false teeth), or simply has a rigid skull-like head.
Comments	This one momentarily gave me flashbacks of an obscure PC game from the mid-90's called Mind Grind, but I don't know why I'm mentioning it here since no-one else on the planet has played it apart from me. I pitted my wits against the (again highly artistically rendered) alien opponent but the bugger kept pipping me at the post on every question. I finally did manage to outwit the alien once or twice but this game made me realise that mathematical ability is indeed something that peaks around age 18 and then goes rapidly downhill from there. Hope I never get invited onto the Krypton Factor.

Mini GameZX
Author	Bubu
Filename	MINIGAMEZX.z80
Year	2008
Position	19
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	When Matthew Broderick aka David Lightman dialed into Protovision's mainframe, he went straight for the game of Global Thermonuclear War. But look here at the fun he was potentially missing. Nice very early eighties style green screen graphics, and thoughtfully the in-game instructions are provided in both Spanish and English. This game is really three minigames in one and an interesting twist is that each of the three minigames appear in a completely random order. You genuinely have to have sharp reactions in order to do well at this one. A working SPACE bar and some cups of coffee beforehand is all that you need!
Comments	This is a good example of a crap game. A nice green screen retro feel, and some unique gaming ideas. Three minigames in one is a bit of a novelty in the CSSCGC, so nice effort. Of course all games are suitably crap, and there's not a tremendous replay value. However, the games do run?shockingly fast. In fact, a bit too fast for a crap game, we just don't expect such well optimised coding around these parts! Bubu clearly?needs to?study the source code?from "Un-space Invaders" by Apenao in order to "crap-up" his graphics routines a bit more.

Martin Kelner's Scissors Paper Stone
Author	Guesser
Filename	MKSPS.zip
Year	2008
Position	13
Format	ZX Spectrum +2A/+3
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Description	Clearly the Rock, Paper, Scissors season has returned with a vengence, and I've been caught napping. Everyone out there has been playing the game except me. Companies have been set up advertising various clothing and merchandise, international "RPS" organisations rivalling UNESCO in manpower are vying for my attention via Google ads. I can only think it's some part of a massive, sinister global conspiracy. But as for this game, it wallows deeply in the murky depths of defunct Local Radio fun and games. You'll no doubt chuckle with glee at a transcription that was once amusing to someone at some time in the past, as they sat in their Yorkshire home, drinking a nice cup of cocoa on a Friday night, wearing one of those large slippers that fits snugly over both feet at once. Can this level of entertainment survive the format transition to an eight-bit game with all the humourous nuances intact? Well, there certainly is something "funny" in there, but I think I need time for the finer elements of this game's cerebral gags to infiltrate my mind, and then no doubt I will be converted to the "Scissors, Paper, Stone" cause forever! Nice intro animation makes use of the ramdisk. Guesser has thoughtfully provided a downloadable cassette inlay. Have your inkjet printers at the ready, and topped up with black ink.
Comments	This game is crap on so many levels, it's frightening. First of all, the spectre of local radio late night shenanigans is let loose into the CSSCGC which is bound to "hit the ground running" when it comes to crap achievements. It's an almost surreal translation of something that was perhaps lost in translation even in the original format and a seriously stale joke to boot. The hand animation at the beginning (presumably the element which requires the +2A/+3 hardware) is just awesome, being even too funky for Gaz Top. A well deserved high crapness score, and a Radio Leeds car sticker and balloon to Guesser!

Mode2 Tile Editor
Author	Andrew Owen
Filename	Mode2TileEditor.zip
Year	2008
Position	44
Format	Timex TC2048 & Spectrum SE
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Description	Aah, how I welcomed Timex entries with open arms into CSSCGC 2008 and glad I did too. Clearly it has added another dimension to the compo this time around. I just love those pretty little colourful sprites that appear on the screen on loading this one up. Strangely, this reminded me of my days of using the STOS sprite editor on the Atari ST. This will no doubt be useful to people writing Timex games - I infer this by the number of times it was downloaded. My only disappointment is that no third parties took it upon themselves to employ this to submit yet another Timex entry, but I guess the number of Timex developers is but a tiny fraction of speccy developers and alas nothing happened. However, who knows if there will?ever be some sort of Timex Hunchback sequel? It was regrettable that this one could not be made available in the online "crap game arcade", due to current lack of a Java based Timex emulator. Anyways, thanks to this program, today I inverted a snake.
Comments	Andrew Writes:- Here's the tile editor as promised. I've included the machine code source so that if anyone does actually use it they won't have to write the display routines from scratch, although they are really very crap (hint, hint). I've included some tiles converted from NetHack. Here's the quick and dirty way to import tiles (not included in the text file): Use BMP2SCR, RetroX alpha, Mac2Spec or whatever to convert two 256x192 24-bit screens to Timex mode-2 screens. The tiles should be in the lower two thirds. Open the editor. Go into storage mode. Load the first .SCR. Press B to switch bank. Load the second .scr. Press B to switch bank again. Presto - tiles imported. This will destroy the upper part of the display though. Press BREAK. Then RUN. The tiles are not displayed yet. Press T to get into storage. Then press X. Voila. Cheers!

Advanced Lawnmower Simulator: The Adventure
Author	steve
Filename	mowadventure.tap
Year	2008
Position	83
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	In the words of the author:- "You may have played the classic Advanced Lawn Mower Simulator, but now the ultimate game is back as an adventure that will push your spectrum and your skills to the absolute limit! It's "Advanced Lawn Mower Simulator: The Adventure" and it's Absolutely Brilliant! Mow the lawn through hundreds of procedurally generated blades of grass with stunning realism, colour and sound! Immerse yourself in this alternative reality as you Mow to victory to discover the true secret of the lawn whilst trying to earn your 75p and packet of Rolos! Watch out for rocks and coathangers, suspense and adventure at every turn! Brilliant!"
Comments	Fresh from reviewing another few lawnmower entries, I now turn my attention to this game and I've seen that many lawnmower games in this compo that I'm just about ready to apply for a job at Homebase (Lawnmower section). Full screen green is employed here which is the one colour this game could only ever be. (Unless there's ever a sci-fi version where a magenta lichen lawn is mowed on a distant alien planet!) It's pretty obvious to the player that they could type "mow" to mow the lawn, but if you type "M" instead, you get a message telling that you can just type "m" to mow the lawn. This abbreviation is very useful since you need type it 384 times in order to complete the game, which for some reason amuses me. Was I expecting too much for the game to say something like "You push the mower forwards" or "You mow another strip of the lawn" after typing "m"? Probably, as I guess that'd make it too easy!

Mr Yellow Meets Mr Cyan
Author	Stefano Bodrato
Filename	mryellow.tap
Year	2008
Position	30
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Attempt to stay focused as you fight it out in this tense duel to the death, where each player's nerve must be held until only one of you is left standing. Quentin Tarantino would be proud of this!
Comments	A pretty entertaining effort. Nice use of inappropriate, yet vivid colours, happily smashing the age old rule of only using dark objects on light backgrounds. Nice, tense atmosphere to the game. I can almost imagine those Mexican trombones playing as the game edges its way towards the final chilling climax. Is there still honour in death? There was even room in the 2x1 UDG graphics for the author to add a tiny but much appreciated gun belt! Aah, it is indeed the little things that matter! Extra points awarded for such fine attention to detail.

More Tea Vicar
Author	Gavin Callard
Filename	mtv.zip
Year	2008
Position	40
Format	ZX80 1K, ZX81 16K, Cambridge Z88, Jupiter ACE, ZX Spectrum 16K and Sinclair QL
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Description	Gavin Callard continues to amaze us, with this triple-platform release (now released for many more platforms) of More Tea Vicar as inspired by the C4 series Big Breakfast. Gavin says - That I don't know much about the three platforms I am writing on is why this is so bad. (That and the fact that I spent a comfortable total of two and a half hours on them in total!). Those are my excuses and I'm sticking to them! He also tells me that the ZX80 and ZX81 versions are snapshots for the emulator "eightyOne", and the z88 version runs under the z88Dream emulator for Windows. (Get it here) The ZX81 version is especially badly programmed, and needs a RAM-pack on top of the default memory. (DP - Doesn't everything though?). Screenshot is from the Cambridge Z88 version. Enjoy the game as I did (three times over), and I learned how to use a new emulator to boot! *Update 24/02/08* - Gavin has now also written a version of the game in Forth for the Jupiter ACE which I have added to the downloadable zipfile. The Jupiter ACE version also runs on the EightyOne emulator. To restart the game on the Jupiter ACE after winning, type "main" and hit <ENTER>. Gavin tells me that the Jupiter ACE version is a textbook example of how NOT to write a Forth program. It may eventually crash if run for long enough, due to not freeing up used space on the stack. This has undoubtedly pushed Forth the crapness experience of CSSCGC 2008! *Update 26/02/08* - Gavin has now pledged to release this game on every single platform that is permitted in CSSCGC 2008 (and that is quite a few of them), so I will keep playtesting and adding the different "ports" to the downloadable MTV.zip file as he sends them in. Today I have added his ZX Spectrum version to the downloadable zipfile. *Update 11/03/08* - I have added Gavin's Sinclair QL version to the download.
Comments	The game is certainly crap, but hey if it's good enough for a mainstream TV channel, then it's crap enough for us! You just can't underestimate the glee I had as I undertook the surreal experience of having to playtest the game many times, not least on the Cambridge Z88 when I knew nothing about that platform until last year. So, I admire the style of this multi-platform release. Educational it was too, from an emulation learning standpoint. The game has probably resulted in the creation of many more machine categories in the CSSCGC than any previous game before it, so for that at least it will be well remembered! Also, it begs the question "What was the most useful piece of software released for the Z88?" Was it this, or did it have a huge underground p*rn market? We never did get a Sam Coupe version though. Talk about seriously missed opportunities! tut tut. To be fair though, I believe there was an issue with keyboard mappings on the Sam Coupe emulator on Gavin's PC. And so, the CGC remains "Sam Coupe-less" for another year. In any case, kudos for writing the FORTH version for the Jupiter ACE, one of only two crap games ever (intentionally) written for that platform in its entire history! I also believe this to be the only ever crap game entry for the "Sinclair QL". Brilliant, and hence this oversized write-up. Just don't let actually playing the game spoil all of these CGC-firsts!

Multiload Hangman
Author	Paul E Collins
Filename	multiload_hangman.zip
Year	2008
Position	12
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	The included readme explains this game thus:- Multiload Hangman by Equinox for the comp.sys.sinclair Crap Games Competition 2008. This is the traditional hangman word game. However, rather than include a few DATA statements with words that the player will soon memorise, I have elected to include the entire Collins dictionary of 267,751 words that are acceptable in Scrabble. The C# program Dict2Tap.cs was used to convert the words from a text file into a Spectrum tape file. They are stored in a very lazy uncompressed format so that each word begins at a 15-byte boundary. With the addition of code and graphics, the resulting tape file is 4,027,944 bytes long. Since the Spectrum's average loading speed is about 170 bytes per second, this means that if you are unlucky enough to get a word beginning with Z you can probably expect about seven hours of loading time." DP:- So, I think I'll play this one whilst also playing "SHUTTLE" under MSDOS. That also takes seven hours for the space shuttle to roll out to the pad. Then even if I get a word beginning with 'Z' I won't be wasting any time, nice!
Comments	Frightened as I was by this game's on-screen insistence that I do not use any loading acceleration in my emulator, I did the right thing and booked a day off work in order to playtest it. (Not really but I think I was off this day anyway, fortunately!) After three and a half hours or so of watching Space 1999 DVDs, whilst keeping one eye on the game loading, it was apparent that my chosen word begin with 'M' or thereabouts. I lost the game in the end, but I needed to, since I had to get a decent screenshot of the hangman. Then of course I realised later that the author had already thoughtfully supplied an in-game screenshot. Nice original concept, so I give this one a high score. I think it will go down as the largest title (in bytes) ever submitted to ANY CGC competition to date.

Mushroom Man
Author	Hajo Spuunup
Filename	Mushroom.zip
Year	2008
Position	60
Format	ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
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Description	Here's a real Christmas time treat for all of you puzzle fans and with 175 levels to trawl through - it may end up keeping you occupied well past new year too! Hajo Spuunup has ported Paul E Collins' Mushroom Man for Windows to the Spectrum. This program uses the silicon disk which is why it requires a 128K system. I should point out this looks like another "good" entry and not actually crap! I'll be playing it a bit more though just to be sure. Imagine my glee as I heroically made my way out of level one thanks to picking the correct route through a sequence of locked doors. It appears that the player is guided through a series of introductory levels, serving to gradually bring the various in-game elements into play, as is often the case with puzzle games. I can only guess that the difficulty level increases as you progress through the game and with there being such a vast number of levels in the game I shudder to think how cerebrally taxing it might get towards the end! Hajo tells me that this version has a proper ending and everything, should you make it that far. There's also a docfile with further info supplied in the downloadable zipfile.
Comments	This game is based on a Windows puzzle game of the same name, by Paul E Collins. It is absolutely not crap. Even during the judging of this game I got carried away and ended up completing the first twenty levels or so. If a game is this addictive to a puzzle freak like myself and also has charming UDG colour characters then it will forever be remembered as a good game and fondly so. If logic dictated the scoring system of this compo, then I'd give it a really low crapness score. However I instead chose to give this higher score out of respect for the effort involved that must have gone into this. The speccy scene needs more games like this and I not really talking about the CGC!

Music Demo
Author	Woody
Filename	musicdemo.tap
Year	2008
Position	98
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K/128K
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Description	Woody's prolific CGC campaign continues onward throughout these twilight days of CSSCGC 2008. Meanwhile, we continue to speculate on just how many entries we can obtain by the end. This is still very much an unknown quantity, but it's always nice to see the submission of entries continuing unabated. As for this title, it's not a game as such, so therefore is automatically admitted into the CGC as about another dozen previous entries or even more were not games either. This program offers a selection of several popular speccy tunes for you to listen to. The clever bit about this program is that it detects your hardware. So if you run it on a system with an AY chip (for example a ZX Spectrum 128K), then it will use the AY chip to play back the tunes. Secondly, if no AY chip is detected then it will use the BEEPER. But, rather than using BEEP commands, it uses Woody's SOUND command which is a BASIC extension. In fact it is the SOUND command itself which detects whether you have an AY chip present or not. So, if you want to hear the beeper output, make sure you are not using one of those emulators or settings which permits AY music even when emulating a ZX Spectrum 48K. Otherwise, you may find that you only hear the AY version. I have placed this title in both the 48K and 128K crap game arcades so that both versions can be listened to at your convenience.
Comments	This is only the lowest scoring of Woody's entries because it is not actually a game. However I nearly cacked myself with excitement at the prospect of this BASIC extension, providing a SOUND command which can use either the Beeper or the AY chip if available. Have an AY? Don't have an AY? That's fine, no-one cares. Or at least the SOUND command doesn't. Your ears may tell a different story. A great novelty for the CGC and it is nice that pre-128K owners are still cared about. It is 2009, time to upgrade to 128K yet? No, thanks to Woody we are rubberkeys fanatics till we die hahaha.... Correction: It isn't the lowest scoring of Woody's entries now, as Dumb Miner is lower than this one. I forgot to change this on the 2nd pass of judging. (doh!)

Advanced Night Out Simulator
Author	Matt_B
Filename	nightout.tap
Year	2008
Position	87
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Aah, we've all been there - yet can probably never remember it. Trying to ride home on the "beer scooter" after having "just one more pint" for about the 15th time, and you've only been in the boozer since 11am. Avoid trouble as you somehow make it back to the bus stop. If you succeed then why not ramp up the difficulty to Ollie Reed levels by consuming an even larger amount of (simulated) beer. In fact it probably helps if you have some real beers too. The game features colourful high resolution graphics.
Comments	This one has a couple of UDGs and the word "simulator" in the title, really just what more DO you want? It's nicely done with the themes of drunkardness and modern day urban dangers setting the scene. The control system is impeded by a user selectable level of drunkenness which is quite amusing at the lower levels but completely handicaps the player at the "paralytic" levels. Even so I still find up and down movements easy but left and right a struggle. At heart though this game seems a subtle promotion of the benefits of public transport.

Advanced Paint Drying Simulator
Author	ADJB
Filename	paint.tzx
Year	2008
Position	112
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	This game is the 100th submission in CSSCGC 2008, finally marking the completion of the "Quest for 100 titles". Anything after this will be a real bonus to this year's crap game competition. Congratulations to ADJB on getting the 100th title! As for the "game" itself, the idea was originally mentioned by Andrew Owen, but alas he did not have time to complete the title, being very busy with a plethora of other exciting projects. And so, ADJB took up the challenge and coded the game, which is nice to see in the compo. Clever use is made of the BRIGHT attribute to simulate the effect that paint always darkens somewhat when it dries. You also have a choice of the full range of colours offered by the ZX Spectrum pallette. Now I hope you won't cheat, by cranking up emulation speed whilst playing this! I'm sure the true intended feel of the game is only possible by playing it at 3.5MHz! *Updated 10/12/08* - ADJB sent in a newer version of the program, including a loading screen.
Comments	This one achieved cult status as the 100th title to be entered into the 2008 CGC , chronologically speaking. It does what it says on the tin (of paint). I once painted the outside of a house and it looked a bit like this program. I kept saying "that paint at the top will go darker as it dries, trust me". Of course what really had happened was that two subtly different shades of paint were used , so the house still to this day looks not unlike this program when it is half completed. From a suggested idea by Andrew Owen, I thought for a moment this program would itself evaporate into the vapourware section - but we collectively groaned as it unstoppably became a reality, although the excellent tin of pain graphic on the loading screen makes this one a cut above the very lowest ranking entries.

Advanced 10 PRINT "Hello " 20 GO TO 10 Simulator
Author	Shaun Bebbington
Filename	PRINT''HELLO''.zip
Year	2008
Position	57
Format	ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
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Description	Ahh.. those were the days when you used to stroll into Dixons with a couple of friends and wait until the shop assistant (Invariably called "John") had his back turned whilst busy with another customer. Then you'd strike, running around the entire bay of eight-bit computers, typing the seminal program "10 PRINT "Hello " 20 GO TO 10" into each machine. To add add a bit of panache you might also use a semicolon or perhaps insert the newest swearword you'd learnt that week. Of course it didn't matter that you were 24 at the time and had just completed your PhD in advanced compuer science from Cambridge university. It was still expected if not considered compulsory to do this on visiting the popular high street chain. Anyway, you can now happily relive those days in this feature-packed simulator from Shaun. It allows you to create such a screen from thousands of possible variants, whilst also completely relieving you of any programming burden.
Comments	Well, this one amused someone enough that they wrote another game based on it. Not the first time this happened in CSSCGC 2008. Who'd have thought the compo would be such a source of erm.. creative inspiration, yes, that's it. What ever else may be said about this title, no-one can accuse it of lacking in features. Although if I remember correctly, someone actually did just that, bemoaning the lack of a BRIGHT feature. Still, the "Test Parameters" option is something that was thoughtfully provided in a mission-critical app like this - albeit in this case the "Test Parameters" option is the actual program itself. For CGC purists, note the misspelling of "program", an easily missed final touch.

La Pugly Ugly - The Long Journey
Author	Bonny Bonnet Hood Softwarts
Filename	pugly.zip
Year	2008
Position	97
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Well, what can I say - clearly a lot of hard graft has gone into making this game. The intro screen is beautifully done with bright and detailed graphics yet the protagonist is pug ugly. Let's put it this way - you would not want to meet one of his species down a dark alley. Our unsightly hero does bounce along in the most vibrant manor as you control him, exploring the flip-screen game world. Some psychological pressure is applied to the player in the form of a continuous pulsing two-tone soundtrack. Yet a generous quota of lives is provided. The second screen fortells disaster - so caution is advisable. Always nice to see another platformer in the CGC (It's been a while.). Be sure to check out the full instructions file, provided in the download.
Comments	Too damn good for the compo. Tries to be crap and in some ways is, but there's no way you can get away with drawing such a good intro screen, and make a clearly attemptable platformer without someone noticing that a fair bit of time and effort went into this. This one spawned a thread in the Spanish spec-chum community, with the announcer later mentioning something like "I'm sorry I just realised it is actually a CGC game", followed by others:- "It's OK, we are playing it anyway". I'm led to believe that certain well known members of the speccy community (experienced coders and designers) were involved in the development of this title. That's presumably why it is good. On the crap side, the movement of the player charachter may be vibrant and animated, but it is bleedin' awful to control and insane how it can just stay hanging in mid-air. So some crap cred is due for that at least. For me, the nightmares of the SCR image of the "La Pugly Ugly" character have somwewhat faded in recent weeks, but haven't totally gone just yet! In game "music" consists of a tortuous repetitive pulse which did go off when I pressed a key. If you want a laugh, then read the supplied instructions!

Randomaze
Author	chop983
Filename	Randomaze.tzx
Year	2008
Position	71
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	chop983 supplies full instructions with this title. They read "Escape the random maze using qaop". Maybe one day someone will kindly type these instructions up for the WoS archive. Now I'll attempt to get through this short game description with out using puns like A-MAZE-ing or a-MAZE-d (oops too late.) In this game, watch out because the maze walls are lethal. You play the part of a small stick man. I was going to suggest that lack of colour in this title means complete source-level portability with ZX81 systems. But wait, there is some welcome colour here. It is only afforded to those victors of the game though, why waste colour on losers? Also, watch out for impossible mazes that are sometimes generated. Don't play on a 16K system (like I initially did) or you'll see a capital 'A' instead of the intended stickman.
Comments	This really is the sort of thing likely to grace a Cascade tape. Also if you squint whilst looking at the game board, it actually looks like a newspaper crossword. Randomaze is an apt name for this one as the difficulty of the game ranges from incredibly easy to certainly impossible with no real in-between. It just depends on the generated maze. Another point I noticed was the shunning of the USR "a" method of setting up UDGs, meaning that although the game quite comfortably fits inside a 16K speccy memory-wise, the 16K end user would have to go in and mod the code in order to see the intended stick man figure. Serves 'em right for not investing in a 48K model I suppose!

Reflex Meflex 09
Author	Arda
Filename	reflexa.sna
Year	2008
Position	77
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	We used to watch a TV programme called the "Krypton Factor" back in the '80s. If only this game was around then it would've been perfectly suited to that format. Test your reflexes with this one. Now no cheating by down-clocking your emulated speccy! Even if you are the sort of person who when spoken to may reply five minutes later "did you say something there?" you should still be able to eventually get the hang of this one. I started off quite slowly with some poor scores, but got a bit better at it after a few further attempts. I still haven't got as far as getting the promised "reward" that the program tantilisingly offers. I haven't reached that higher plane of awareness just yet. Also, don't jump the gun or of course you will fail before it has even started. This one does get pretty tough. But that's not surprising for me since every time I think I have swatted a fly, it is actually in the next room, rubbing its legs by the time I have realised I never caught it.
Comments	This one is actually a challenging game. I never did completely master it as I'm just too, well slow really. As a tester of reaction times perhaps it should become part of the standard driving test or something. Eventually I tried to beat the game by mentally "timing" the countdown such that I could get a really fast score. With this method, I mostly failed by "jumping the gun" although I did get "8 ticks" at one point. Ahhhrg, that was so near yet so far from the ultimate goal of "7 ticks!" at which a treat is promised. Nice one if you were ever to host the spec-chum crap game equivalent of a "LAN party". It's actually a little too enjoyable and unique (and dare I say potentially useful) to become truly crap!

Rescue Planet Earth
Author	Woody
Filename	Rescue.tap
Year	2008
Position	46
Format	ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
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Description	I'm pleased to add another Doctor Who themed game to this year's CGC. Being a fan of the old series (and largely ignorant of the new series), for me this game immediately invokes memories of the chubby Colin Baker era, The Mysterious Planet and of course the planet Ravalox itself. Although perhaps the Earth was moved again in the new series with latter day fans thinking "no DP!" this has nothing to do with Ravalox! Anyway as for the game itself, use keys O & P to guide the Tardis left and right with our home planet in tow (don't be too rough with it now - we don't want to upset the resident life forms). Be sure to avoid crashing in to passing objects, except for the large 'F' characters which are in fact extra fuel and you must grab these as they are crucial to your journey. Again, this is another 100% machine code game from Woody and you can marvel at the high speed line and star drawing routines. *Updated 29/11/08* - Woody has submitted an improved version of the game with sampled sound, faster graphics and additional in-game obstacles. Also shows the keys on the intro screen.
Comments	Due to my previous ramblings on the CGC site, many know I'm a Dr Who fan, stubbornly of the old series only. So, there I found myself liking this title which involves the movement of planet Earth around the galaxy. This actually happened during the Colin Baker era. I now think I have realised that this game is set in that era, because the Tardis itself appears wide and chubby, no doubt accommodating this particular incarnation. Again, you can't fail to be impressed at Woody's clear m/c mastery diverted down a CGC avenue, as one can't help thinking there's got to be some none-crap games along the pipeline somewhere! Fast and yet it is arguably crap gameplay wise, but too darn smooth and good, technically speaking. IIRC Woody updated this one with a version that was much improved and even faster than the original!

Road Crosser
Author	Woody
Filename	RoadCrosser.szx
Year	2008
Position	34
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	A quite accurate simulation of how difficult it can be to cross some of the UK's major roads in this day and age. Or perhaps it is set in the near future when 8-lane highways are the norm, between your house and the corner shop as you desperately venture out for a loaf of bread. Strangely, this one is quite reminiscent of when I perilously crossed under Junction 10 of the M53 as a pedestrian a few weeks back, except that this game seems slightly more easy than that particular real life escapade. That junction is currently earmarked for future pedestrian access upgrades (after someone gets killed? I wonder). Anyway, I'm veering off topic with this game-induced flashback! A cursory glance at the BASIC code reveals this one to be choc-full of BASIC command extensions, which look pretty useful. For a moment I thought I was looking at some sort of Beta BASIC type listing but I know Woody "rolls his own" BASIC extensions - so perhaps this is the case here? Playing the game, I managed to cross the road four times before getting mowed down. At least the drivers are good enough to stay in lane and there are no problems of traffic weaving. Mercifully, speed limits are also adhered to. With some careful timing I found a way of safely crossing the entire eight lanes of traffic in one movement, which I was feeling quite smug about until I somehow still managed to get killed.
Comments	Horace goes skiing without the skiing (or Horace). Instead the protagonist consists of a rather helpless stick-man stranded on the wrong side of the road. 8 lanes of identical cars mercilessly stream past. This is a sort of "Warhol" of Frogger type games. The repetition - it's almost a social commentary on how everyone's lives have become the same in this endless daily grind, but just where on Earth are all those cars going? It can be quite tricky this one if you are little impatient So sit back and get a feel for the timing and eventually you can master this game. Subsequently, you may become super confident and start darting across multiple lanes in one fell swoop. Eventually though it will end in a fatality I'm sorry to say.

RPS
Author	steve
Filename	rps.tap
Year	2008
Position	36
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Some people say that the oldest games are the best. Some people have never spent several hours stuck in traffic on a coach bound for a waterlogged campsite somewhere in North Wales with an overenthusiastic family member attempting to keep the kids amused. Here though, the block graphics are impressively professional looking and rather colourful in this Z88DK based implementaion of the game that dates back to the time of the Flintstones. Yes, "Rock, Paper, Scissors" has finally and perhaps inevetibly arrived at CSSCGC 2008! Will you get your rocks off in time to fool the "cutting edge" AI? Or will you get cut up and completely fold? Use keys r,p,s to select Rock, Paper or Scissors as you continue to pit your gut instincts against the evil machinations of the Z80 based random number generator. I love the pacman graphics that pop up within the game, and ask myself were they diverted from another aborted game, or simply a nice retro touch?
Comments	A good showcase for demonstrating some of the capabilities of using Z88DK over pure BASIC. The sliding screens found in the game look undeniably slick and the block graphics are vibrant and supremely well drawn. Great effort with superbly drawn screens (Including those of the Pacman games, which to me is always a welcome addition). Also thought it was a nice touch that this game is specifically branded with a CGC '08 screen. Could've scored higher in the crapness stakes if written in BASIC, but I'm so glad it wasn't as the resultant game is actually much better, having a real "Video Game" feel about it. I can almost image playing this one in a MAME cabinet or something. Seriously, nice work!

Scumball2
Author	Woody
Filename	scumball2.tap
Year	2008
Position	9
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Woody Writes:- "I've added an old CGC entry-wannabe that I did last year but never sent it in for the last compo. I forgot... d'oh! It's been mentioned on WoS though before and many people may've already seen it. The complete game runs in display memory." So, this entry is listed as needing a ZX Spectrum 16K minimum. Truthfully though it would run on a 6K ZX Spectrum if such a machine ever existed. I checked the stack too - and even that is in the display area whilst the game runs. This is what I like about the speccy! You can have your machine code safely tucked away in the pixel area of the screen. Then you can even completely hide it from view or draw all over it with attributes, thanks to the separation of the pixel bytes and the attribute bytes. Makes me realise now that the Acorn Electron was really crying out for this sort of facility after all those games I played which had visible machine code all around the screen, detracting from the game somewhat. You can see parts of the MC program in this title. Just check out the intro screen with scrolling large text. The code bleeds through the text which is a rather nice effect.
Comments	Now this one really is neat and any self respecting machine code hobbyist must gape in awe at this. Embedding the entire machine code for the game and the stack and variables too in the lower part of the screen must rank as something to make you say.. "ecky thump! that's really neato..". Just think - a full game inside a .SCR file! You could upload the game and the screenshot to the WoS archives in one single upload operation and then earn yourself a cup of tea with the time saved. Again the game features overly good graphics and sprite routines from Woody, even if the playability is at CGC standards. But it's impossible not to be impressed with the whole concept. Woody even provided a POKE for this one which will no doubt end up in the Tipshop at some point!

Ultimate Last Minute Sent In Simulator
Author	Dr BEEP
Filename	sentsim.tap
Year	2008
Position	92
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	And so we awoke to the final day of CSSCGC 2008, not knowing at all what the day had in store for us. (If anything at all). The first game of the last day provided by Dr BEEP appropriately examines the sheer panic that may be experienced by a last minute crap game entrant. Will my submission get there on time? I hope the Internet doesn't go down! What's that cable guy doing outside my house with all of those loose wires in his hand? Will the email system hold up? Oh no, not another bad block on my HDD, Oh Christ, I've left the iron on! So, you can now run a simulation of these anxieties without having to live them out directly (in case you are of a nervous disposition!).
Comments	Wikipedia has a policy of not mentioning itself in its own articles (apart from the Wikipedia article that is!). Should the CGC be the same? Of course not! Here we welcome games that revolve around the compo itself and many of them quite possibly only make sense to people who've had any involvement with the CGC. Step inside Dr BEEP's (text-only) vision of submitting an entry at the last minute. Something seems very real about a bounced email at the very moment you don't want it to. Whilst playing this, I managed to give my virtual game the name of various BASIC token keywords. I don't know if that is intentional or if my emulator was playing silly buggers at the time. The player flexibility has to be commended in that you can call your game whatever you like. I would have enjoyed seeing a change from the default speccy colours, perhaps even a BRIGHT 1 white background (nothing too ambitious) as we did get lots of games this year which just used the default INK/PAPER colour scheme. I should point out you can win this game like I did, if you exactly enter the correct submission address of CSSCGC 2008.

Advanced Throw Some Shoes At A Prat
Author	Gavin Callard
Filename	shoes.zip
Year	2008
Position	76
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	You know, if there is anything I've learnt from the CGC so far this year, it is that you don't actually have to watch the news, listen to the radio or read the newspapers to keep abreast of current affairs. Instead it is sufficient that you play the latest games from the CGC. These games will keep you informed of the stuff that really matters. Even more than that, a new dimension is added as you become a mock participant on the virtual world stage, re-enacting the momentous world events of our times - thanks to the conduit of the CGC. My only regret is that this year's CGC will be finished shortly before Barcak Obama's inauguration. Still we can't have everything. I won this game on my first attempt, by picking a rather obvious shoe-throwing parameter. Will you manage the same feat?
Comments	Gavin graced us with lots of games at the beginning of CSSCGC 2008 but then had a long hiatus from the compo. He came back near the end with a final rallying cry and this little topical number. The man who threw shoes at George Bush did get beaten afterwards and this game does not let you forget that. Magenta background oozes a dedicated loyalty to the original "crap stylee". Anyway, see if you can win it without much difficulty. I inadvertently won it on my first go - as I'm sure many players would. Looking at the code, only one parameter actually influenced the outcome of the game. The other parameter is a bit of a red herring, or perhaps it is there for added realism?

Sim City: The Text Adventure
Author	Unsatisfactory Software
Filename	simcity.tzx
Year	2008
Position	54
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	I previously stated that hosting CSSCGC 2008 was merely part of my punishment for inflicting The Quest For The Golden Egg on last years judges. Well here is the next installment of my punishment in the form of Sim City: The Text Adventure. You may also suffer as well if you so wish! It's that great rule of the Universe: "What goes around comes around", and Unsatisfactory Software have now thoughtfully repaid my crap game enthusiasm in kind! The fact that the game is also known as Pro Russell Brand Simulator does not bode well for those of us who are not the greatest admirers of the current crop of TV "entertainers". It is my duty to warn everyone that the game contains textual descriptions of civil disorder that some players may find distressing.
Comments	Billed as retaliation from last year's judges for my sins committed in CSSCGC 2007, this game whilst being pretty damn bad isn't the absolute torture it was designed to be. It comes pretty close though. Mention of anything to do with Russel Bland is enough to make some of us as nauseous as a first time space tourist, so it does succeed at least on that level! Nice use of dark blue on a black background and "scroll?" messages pervading during gameplay adds to the general feeling that some genuine effort was spent on trying to screw things up, perhaps it could have been screwed up even more! Of course, not as much as Russell Brand himself did after this was submitted. Uncanny that!

Silent Letter Shootout
Author	bigjon
Filename	sls.tzx
Year	2008
Position	31
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Ahh, the age old justification of buying that first family computer, education! Use keys N and M to select the correct letter (the one that is silent in the word) and then press B to fire it at the rapidly descending spaceship. The spaceship has a special kind of shield that is impervious to all but the correct silent letter. Shoot it down before it lands, or you'll lose a life. After the game has been played for a while a very important lesson will be learnt, simply that the English language is terribly illogical and that's why all young people use txtspk instead nowadays (no silent letters).
Comments	Good crapness here, reliving the days when all children feared any game title that was marketed as educational. Of course as soon as dad's back was turned, the speccy would be reset and Daley Thompson's Decathlon would instead be loaded up. Mercifully it is a quick game, and with a limited number of words. One extra crap point scored for the fact that the letters don't get deleted off the top row of the screen, and just stick there if they miss the spaceship target. A lot of people thought it was amusing that Jeff GoldBlum defeated the alien invaders with an Apple Mac - we all know he really should have been armed with a ZX Spectrum!

Starting Next CSSCGC Server Simulator
Author	Firelord
Filename	StartingNextCSSCGCServerSimulator.zip
Year	2008
Position	69
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Here is another very appropriate "final day of the compo" entry for CSSCGC 2008. For some reason, I just can't shake that feeling of "It's the last day, bring a toy in" that we used to get at school. Well I have to admit to laughing out loud at playing this one. I won't spoil the surprise by showing the content of the game in the screenshot, so that's just taken from the intro page. As you can see, it has the "Firelord" hallmark about it! I played this until I got up the part which is almost as tense and nerve racking as the film "Juggernaut". Kinda makes you feel like Richard Harris as you attempt to hurredly deal with a potentially disasterous hardware crisis!
Comments	This one is quite presumptive about the personal PC usage habits of CGC compo hosts and the problems they are faced with - in a most hilarious way. Even if Firelord did not write "by Firelord" on the intro screen, I could have told you on the spot this was one of his. A mischievous brand of humour prevails and Firelord's trademark INK/PAPER combinations are both on display here. You could positively cack yourself at the drama and realism conveyed as time runs low and there is real "trouble at mill". I just chuckled at the line stating "this all happened because you were viewing adult material" or something to that effect!. Verdict: Well it made me laugh and it is crap - so a reasonable score for a text-dominated effort.

Stay on the Road
Author	Mulder
Filename	StayOnTheRoad.tap
Year	2008
Position	14
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Do you know anyone who is about to go in for their driving test? If so, then this game may prove somewhat useful. It teaches a fundamental first lesson of driving namely (1) Stay On The Road. Drive merrily along in this Krypton Factor style test of driving skill as you drive through the green belt towards a distant yellow metropolis. You must do your very best to keep the car away from the edges whilst avoiding being put off by the "strobing" effect of the road. Remember, Keep off the grass! Drive carefully, and bear in mind that by improving your steering skills, this game may one day save your life.
Comments	Now, that's what I call crap volume 1! A fine example of a game that has you "on the road to nowhere". A good crapness idea to have the green road effect obscure the player's car sprite at regular intervals and also have certain long, sharp corners seem almost impossible to escape from. You've just gotta love that extra touch of the block-graphic solitary cloud hanging in the sky. Indeed, a perfect day for driving towards the seemingly unreachable distant metropolis! Outrun it ain't, but for the crap game compo, it's just what the doctor ordered!

Sub Chase
Author	Woody
Filename	SubChase.zip
Year	2008
Position	84
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K/48K
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Description	Imagine the scenario, as J?rgen Prochnow and friends remain silent and scared inside their vulnerable U-boat in the depths of the deep blue sea. Recall the endless tension as we rooted for our German heros as they pitted their wits against the allies, until that final heartbreaking scene of DAS BOOT when they were all killed by a ruthless aerial bombardment from the RAF! Nah, instead, chuckle with glee as you mercilessly blow submarines to bits from your magenta bomber. Try not to hit too many friendly targets though! Nice use of pseudo-non-perspective allows for both a wide sea-surface and a depth to the sea within the same contiguous block of colour. Fine flight control is permitted via the use of a throttle and air brakes too. We are being spoilt with features here! *Updated 26/03/08* - Woody has now supplied a 16K version of his game, also available via the download link.
Comments	Nicely implemented with colourful graphics and smooth scrolling, I'm sorry but this game isn't actually that crap! I've downloaded worse from the WoS archive with an original price of ?12.99. The game does have some crapness, perhaps like the simple sound, or the fact that the "top of the sea" and the "depths below the sea" are merged into one flat surface, initially confusing the player. Woody needs to move the "lever of crapness" about two or three notches towards "totally crap" in order to crap things up a bit more. I'm sure an Atari 2600 owner would rank this amongst one of their top ten games if it were on a deluxe bank switched cart. Anyway, Woody can't help but provide an excellent level of support for most of his crap game efforts and so he eventually provided a 16K version of his game (which was tested under "Virtual ZX Spectrum" and was very contentious - I said "contentious", get it?) oh, never mind.

Sudoku Challenge, The
Author	Gavin Callard
Filename	Sudoku.zip
Year	2008
Position	47
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K/48K
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Description	Man versus machine. Who will ultimately be victorious? I guess that question won't truly be answered until we stand atop the smoking remains of civilisation sometime towards the end of the 21st century. But before SkyNet really does take over, we can at least perform a little light-hearted experiment, pitting the human intellect (that's you by the way) against the white heat of the 1980s technological revolution (i.e. your trusty 16K ZX spectrum). Can the crafty intuition of the human mind overcome the inexorable solving ability of the CPU's brute force method? I hope so, for the sake of humanity. *Updated 02/04/08* - A HiSoft BASIC compiled version was added to the downloadable zipfile. *Updated 03/04/08* - Gavin sent a newer version of the game, added to the download as "sudoko3.tap". *Updated 07/04/08* - Gavin sent a newer, faster version of the game in both interpreted and complied format, added to the download as SUDOKU7.TAP. Gavin also supplied me with the world famous incredibly difficult Sokoban puzzle "AI Escargot", also available in the file AI-TEST.Z80. This is solved in a mere 16 seconds under JPP on my puny laptop! Note also, the interpreted versions run on a 16K ZX Spectrum. The compiled versions require a 48K ZX Spectrum. Thanks to Albert/DeusX for finding the AI Escargot puzzle, invented by Arto Inkala, and for pointing out that the puzzle is called "AI Escargot", and not "AL Escargot", which seems to be a common misspelling of this puzzle on the Internet!
Comments	The first Sudoku puzzle I threw at this one was solved after 906,105 iterations, meaning I had to resurrect the hyperfast JPP emulator from 1992 in order to see the game completed. I calculated that on a real speccy, the puzzle would have been solved in a little over twelve and a half days. Meaning that if you can't beat the computer within that sort of time frame, then you probably do deserve to lose the game! The brute force algorithm is quite mesmerising to watch in a fast emulator as the numbers fly back and forth across the screen, like there is indeed some diabolical intelligence going on behind the scenes, although we know it uses a brute force method. Also, it sparked international interest with avid followers of this entry now meeting annually. (well not quite but a few e-mails flew around after this one was released, I can tell you!)

Suicide It
Author	Radastan
Filename	suicida.z80
Year	2008
Position	48
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	In our constant quest to find meaning in our lives, we may ask ourselves "What happens when we die?". Well now you can examine this scenario repeatedly, and more importantly in a virtual environment. Of course you need not take the philosophical approach when playing this game. You could instead simply propell the red-headed protagonist in a kind of panicking motion, admiring the two frame animation as he runs hastily back and forth across the screen. The choice is yours.
Comments	A game that gets straight to the point. Nothing is wasted, well apart from 90% of the screen area. But I do like the minimalist approach taken by the author. Dark humour is always bound to score quite well and the game is "open ended" with no predetermined end to the "fun". The "death sequence" whilst a potential stress buster could have really benefited from just a little variety, perhaps extending the longevity of the title. I somehow feel that the potential of this game idea was never fully realised. Clearly the game takes place in a rural setting with a green field and a wheat field providing a serene backdrop to the deathly antics of the suicidal maniac. Will there ever be a city version made?

Swift Turtle
Author	Arjun
Filename	Swifturtle-1.1.zip
Year	2008
Position	81
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Firstly, let me say that this title is also very welcome into CSSCGC 2008. I'm hoping that a hallmark of CSSCGC 2008 is variety and something for everyone in the family, including uncle Fred. Secondly, this is just too darn impressive! A commercial quality Turtle Graphics product now available for your speccy, thanks to Arjun. We used to use a Turtle Graphics program in school as a learning aid for geometry. This would have undoubtedly retailed for ?19.99 in 1983 on the UK high street. The downloadable zipfile contains a very comprehensive documentation file, which I strongly recommend all users to download to get the most from this title. This version has macro support allowing the user to build up some quite complex shapes via automated repetition. Also a very nice touch is the live in-program command reference, accessible by typing "eh". Excellent name for the program too - I like the pun on the name of comet "Swift-Tuttle". In fact I never heard any comet related humour since 1986 - "Q. What time is it when Halley's comet crashes through your roof? A. Time to get a new roof" Arjun supplied this entry in the form of a BASIC listing for pasting into BASin. I also saved out a 48K snapshot for the arcade page which I have included in the zipfile - DP. *Updated 04/01/09* - Swift Turtle now updated to version 1.1. Arjun Writes:-"I've updated Swifturtle to v1.1 with a few bug fixes here and there. Plus I've included a compiled version of Swifturtle as well as the source for the compiled version (since the source differs a bit from the .bas version because of compiler specific requirements). The guide has been updated as well."
Comments	Not a game, but nevertheless can provide hours of entertainment for turtle lovers. (No not that type of turtle lovers - sicko). Anyway this one could have got a higher score, but it is just too flawlessly designed and executed. Again, it put me on a real nostalgia trip and I immediately starting drawing all sorts of geometric shapes and funky curves, lost as I was in my own little world of delightful amusement. (A bit like Klaus Kinski in Fitzcarraldo). So I had an idea to draw a ship suspended halfway up a mountain, but totally cocked it up by getting one of the lines wrong. Anyhow it's a welcome addition to the crap game archives and certainly better than one or two old non-CGC proggies that found their way into the WoS archive over the years. If you're still not convinced, then try the macro feature which really is the key to unlocking the power of this program.

Boat of Doom, The
Author	Graz
Filename	the_boat.z80
Year	2008
Position	15
Format	ZX Spectrum 128K
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Description	You may have thought that the "bullet time" effects in The Matrix were pretty impressive, but that's nothing compared to this game. Sit agog in front of your VDU as you fire an aquatic pellet from your futuristic speedboat, forcing the game to enter it's projectile processing subroutine. Not that it's for me to comment on the cleverly programmed temporal dynamics behind these new fangled "time torpedoes". Nice idea for a crap game to totally omit any mention of the in-game keys, but to spare you the bother of working it out all over again, they are O,P,M,SPACE. You may be interested to discover that this title was written under the apparent pseudonym of "Freda Munroe".
Comments	The in-game mechanics of this one would probably give "Sqij" a run for its money in the crapness stakes. Brownie points earned for general sluggishness, no mention of the in-game keys prior to or during play. But the piece d'resistance is the suspension of the main game loop during the firing of the boat's torpedo. Excellent "riveted plates" on the left hand side of the screen almost reminiscent of high-octane action titles such as Xenon! Nicely done. A vintage crap entry for sure.

Real Phantomas Infinity, The
Author	Mojon Twins
Filename	the-real-phantomas-infinity.tzx
Year	2008
Position	8
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Have you got the urge to go up in the world? Then this game may well interest you. A parody of an existing speccy game, also by the same authors called "Phantomas Saga: Infinity", this game features an infinite number of levels for you to travel through. I've currently saved my game on level 14, but I might play a bit more later, and try to reach level 42 just for the sake of it. Needs 48K mode to run.
Comments	Yes, I did it! I got to level 42 so I then went to dig out my old unofficial "Level 42" T-shirt from the eighties, but it had been long since gone missing. Great crap idea to have an "infinite" number of levels, however I'm questioning if there really is an integer variable integer variable wraparound so that if you played this game until the Sun went supernova, would it reset back to zero? Funny thing is you actually get quite skilful at playing the game after ten minutes or so. The game scores very well due to total lack of in-game objects (and objectives) also its ability to foster an atmosphere of despair, but in an oh so colourful way!

Skier, The
Author	Woody
Filename	The_Skier.szx
Year	2008
Position	58
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Woody's entertaining marathon campaign in this year's CGC continues with great vigour! In "The Skier" I like to think of the player character as a tipsy Prince Charles making his way down an alpine mountainside with thoughts of Camilla on his mind, as evidenced by the huge smile on his face. Of course I'm 99% sure that is not the author's intention - so please forgive my warped imagination. Trees scroll asynchronously upwards as you continue downwards, lulling you into a false sense of ease. In fact the game is not that easy. If you get distracted for a mere second or two or even blink, you could end up going right into a tree, which will be painfully replayed from a first person perspective. Note the position of the skier - he is in the middle of the play area, not right at the top, so you don't have much warning of trees directly in your path. Also it can take a little while to move fully sideways out of the way. Nice touch to keep the Imperial measurements which have not yet been outlawed in crap game entries. I eventually made it to "Slope 2" which felt something of a personal mini-achievement.
Comments	As the Who may well have sung in an alternative universe:- "I've looked under chairs, I've looked under tables. I've tried to find the key To fifty million fables: They call him The Skier.... I've been searching low and high.... I won't get to get what I'm after Till the day I die!". Apart from that what can I say? It's another vertically scrolling skiing game in which the trees seem to individually "walk" up the hillside, out of sync with each other. Excellent insane grin on the face of the large headed magenta protagonist. Skiing shouldn't be that much fun, well not unless your skiing pants are on slightly too tight.

Tunnel, The
Author	chop983
Filename	The_Tunnel.tzx
Year	2008
Position	110
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Chop983 sent a game into CSSCGC 2005, called "Maze". I just found it using the "Crap Game Finder". You can get it here. "The Tunnel" is the sequel to this previous entry. I'm sure many of you who played the original will be literally gagging to get into this entry after a three year wait! Unless of course you still haven't exhausted all of the gameplay offered by the "Maze" or maybe are still stuck in it after all of this time. Sit back in awe at the realistic textual descriptions as you are literally transported into a distant mystical world. Don't just play the game. Live it. I can happily say that I managed to complete this game.
Comments	This one being a sequel to the equally bad "Maze" from 2005, I launched the game not honestly expecting it to blow my mind. Sure enough, it's a decent enough crap-romp through a virtual tunnel. After my sins of 2007 I have no real right to overly criticise this one, besides since I go through a tunnel twice a day (the Mersey Tunnel) I guess I have some sort of affinity with it. Play with a closed mind and you're sure not to be disappointed. I'm sure a future compo awaits another sequel with great anticipation. But, will it take another three years for this to happen? In the words of Fairport Convention "Time will show the Wiser". Although I was sorely tempted to develop an unofficial sequel to this on myself, I later realised that it is a sacred tradition of the CGC which belongs to chop983 alone.

Hat Factory, The
Author	Gavin Callard
Filename	thf.zip
Year	2008
Position	93
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	You play the part of Quality Control Manager in an automated hat factory faced with a rather unenviable situation. A fault in the machinery has unfortunately resulted in bombs sometimes being produced instead of hats. Don't you just hate it when that sort of thing happens, shoddy workmanship I tell you! But you can't allow pesky things like calling out the health and safety executive to get in the way of hat profits, so instead stamp out the bombs in order to preserve the truckload of hats. Be careful not to blow it in this fast paced game. For if you let just a single bomb through it is sure blow the lot, and then you are certain to be as mad as a hatter. Sidenote: This game is also known as "Mega Hat Simulator ++".
Comments	I tip my hat to Gavin Callard, this game is da bomb! High resolution full colour graphics, sound and a totally insane game premise. The fact that it is a fast paced game requiring skill and good timing (i.e. not totally crap) added to the fact that we got so many entries in the compo this year means it is placed at a ranking which probably doesn't do it full justice! Heck it even comes with a highly amusing introductory blurb too. Meticulously designed graphics (like the truck and conveyor belt for example) and the flawless flicker-free animation of the hats & bombs make for a pleasant in-game environment, but in truth it's a couple of rungs above crap. Verdict: less harder next time, you must try!

Target Man - Deluxe Edition
Author	Gavin Callard
Filename	tmd.zip
Year	2008
Position	7
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K/128K/+2/+2A/+3
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Description	There's something about the irritatingly slow intro screen that reassures the player that they are somehow in a safe pair of hands when it comes to crap game authourship. We start with some nice graphics of a car on the loading screen, as seen through the eyes of the alien known as "Predator", followed sometime later by a nice "Hollywood operating system" type screen where we enter that alternative universe where all computers display textual information by emitting it across the screen one letter at a time whilst beeping once per letter. Cosy. As for the game itself, it's a nice litle exercise in ploughing a rather slick looking sports car into as many on-road targets as you can possibly manage, because as a trainee special agent, you may be someday expected to exercise your "license to hit things at high speed", in a real world situation. The author thoughtfully provides the game in both .tap and .tzx format and tells me that the game provides enhancements on the 128K systems.
Comments	A solid piece of crap game craftsmanship, and one that goes to the trouble of detecting which platform it is running on. Ticks all the right boxes in terms of unnecessary delays and humorous instruction screen. An extra point added for mentioning the word "bovril" somewhere in the on-screen instructions. Let's assume that you play the part of Lynda Bellingham trying to drive home from the supermarket (or was she OXO, I never can remember?). To increase the fun, play this whilst watching re-runs of "The Sweeney" on ITV4.

Text-Only Grand-Prix 2009
Author	bobs
Filename	togp.tzx
Year	2008
Position	18
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	We can now tell it is getting near the end of the year. Unless I'm mistaken this is the first CSSCGC 2008 submission with "2009" in the title. "Gentlemen, Start Your Engines" so sung the Grateful Dead. If that line is good enough for them, then its good enough for the CGC! bobs says:- It's "Text-Only Grand-Prix 2009" and features all the fun of typing, and none of the action, speed, thrills or spills of Formula 1 - including the Singapore night-race." I have to admire the amazing attention to detail. After looking at the code and noticing each individual track layout has genuinely been inputted into DATA statements. I was just checking that it was more than a simple random track generator. So respect is due for taking the time to painstakingly enter all of that data! Also, try the night race, particularly if you are still using an old style CRT monitor - you'll be saving energy and doing your bit to save the planet.
Comments	This is certainly an artisan entry in the annals of the CGC. The thrills and spills of F1 racing completely neutered in the form of a text-only boredom-athon. More than just a quick gag though, in this game each individual track layout has been painstakingly entered into DATA statements in the pursuit of an accurate and realistic text simulation. I just love the use of FLASH attribute on the chequered flags on the track selection screen. Make your way around one or two of the tracks by all means but a quest to play every track would only be attempted by the insane.

Tracers
Author	Dr BEEP
Filename	Tracers.zip
Year	2008
Position	111
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	I was last year guilty myself of changing my mind on submitting a game destined for Dr BEEP's one-liner compo. Instead I diverted it to the CGC compo after someone politely informed me the game was in fact crap [Look at the fine mess you got yourself into now - Oliver Hardy] But who was to know fate still held a few further surprises in store? Legendary byte-cruncher and erstwhile good game writer Dr BEEP finally joins the CGC party. I gather that this entry is a bit a of a light-hearted protest at the perceived anti-speccy bias in another compo. So please bear in mind the intra-compo political undertones behind the game as you enjoy this cereberal title. You can still hold dearly some admiration that it was crunched down to 1K. If it's any consolation to Dr BEEP that his game may from now onwards be considered crap, then at least the same goes for everyone else's entries here. For this is the compo where [nearly] everyone knows your [nick]name and we can sometimes laugh with you and not just at you. Full game instructions included in the download.
Comments	This is too good for the CGC, so the low crapness score is out of respect for the game more than anything else. This is a game where you absolutely have to read the instructions to get an idea of how to play it. I had to play the first level (Level 00) a few times before I finally beat it as I kept making the wrong moves. In other words, you have to think ahead and very carefully as one wrong move tends to blow the whole level. With a hundred levels in the game I'll be sure to return to it again to complete some more of them. For me, it really is the sort of Puzzle game that makes retro-gaming fun. Good to see a light colour scheme in use too! Not crap game material although you might be excused for thinking so (if you didn't read the instructions) but glad to have it in the CGC anyway.

Slap Me Forum Troll
Author	Arda
Filename	troll_v17_3.zip
Year	2008
Position	96
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	From the supplied readme:- Hello, "Slap Me Forum Troll" is my csscgc 2008 entry. September 10,2008 (v17) After being kicked out of another speccy forum, you, lamestage, found yourself in another nicely populated forum. Hopefully this time you can take the forum over, and have it all for yourself. How to play? You read posts on the forum and flamefight with everyone about everything. Try to gain karma by flaming poor, and cheering rich. Try and force everyone out. This time you will kick others, and be the best lamestage of all times! Recommended game level is "2-easy" The game is written in basic and compiled with Mcoder3. Tools used in this fine creation are Basin and ZxSpin emulators. [Arda mentions his email address and blog URL in the readme which you can download - I won't put these details on here in case of spam. - DP] Arda "ref" Erdikmen 2008
Comments	This entry utilises what looks like a 63 column (at least) text driver. You know, similar to Hi-soft Pascal and Tasword, where all the 'w' characters look a bit like the hearts suite on a pack of playing cards. So, a point deducted for making things better than they should be! On the good (crap) side though, this game is totally poo - so thanks for entering it. Funny to see a rendering of the top part of the "World of Spectrum" forums index converted to scr format and a CSSCGC 2008 branding on the screen too. Feels truly like a "special edition" program or something. A lot of the WoS regulars are mentioned in the game and you can choose one as your "Buddy" whilst flaming the others. A high point of the game is the line "Do you want to get into polemic?". I usually don't but perhaps after Arda sees this game ranking, I may well end up knee deep in polemic. Congrats anyway to Arda on 25 years with the ZX Spectrum!

Turing Test Simulator
Author	Guesser
Filename	Turing_test_Simulator.TAP
Year	2008
Position	115
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	"I propose to consider the question 'Can machines think?'" so began Alan Turing's seminal 1950 paper on machine intelligence. Back then, Turing predicted that machines would eventually be able to pass his eponymous test. According to Wikipedia, he estimated that by the year 2000, machines with 10^9 bits (approximately 120 megabytes) of memory would be able to fool thirty per cent of human judges in a five-minute test. Today we are able to find out if Turing's expectations were exceeded by determining if a machine in the year 1982 with 16 Kilobytes of RAM could also pass the test. The question is:- can you be fooled into thinking the program's responses are indistinguishable from those of a human being? Guesser notes:- "if you can get it to load and run you're doing well, the loader doesn't auto run so it will load the game instead. if you want to see the loading screen (lots of colour clash for no reason) you'll have to load the tape again and RUN :)" Because of this issue, I made a snapshot of the program for the crap game arcade with it already loaded and ready to play and also grabbed the loading screen for this page.
Comments	The first thing that struck me about this title was the multicoloured loading screen, which on the one hand looks great and really colourful due to stippling effects, yet on the other hand looks somewhat corrupted in places. I'm guessing (no pun intended) that this is the result of automatically converting it from another graphics format. As for the "Turing test" itself, a look "under the bonnet" of the code will reveal that the program is not that bright, randomly spitting out a few everyday responses. However, you may say it comfortably passes the Turing Test because I think I know some people who can be mimicked flawlessly by this title.

Turtogas
Author	Mojon Twins
Filename	Turtogas.tzx
Year	2008
Position	5
Format	ZX Spectrum +2A/+3
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Description	In this game, your task is to walk around the screen, collecting the dots using QAOP keys, whilst avoiding some oversized turtles. You play a tribble-like entity that could possibly be mistaken for George from kids TV show Rainbow. Impressively, the game has a very high quality intro screen, and realistic samples that can sound quite menacing. This game requires +2A/+3 (not 128/+2) emulation in 128K mode as it uses the ramdisk to play the samples.
Comments	I love the intro sounds, reminiscent of a 50's B movie monster flick. Crapness abounds from the inability of the player sprite to change orientation, the complete sparseness of the play area, the dodgy collision detection with the dots. But an extra point is scored for the fact that when all dots are eaten, you just wonder around the dotless screen for eternity, or until you get killed. A nice touch and made me laugh anyway.

Ultimate Crap Game Last Minute Entry Simulator
Author	Dr BEEP
Filename	ucgles.tap
Year	2008
Position	103
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Dr BEEP had a bad coding day today. He only managed to write six minigames instead of twelve. OK, I exaggerate just a little. But really, it wasn't going well for Dr BEEP as he attempted to code his current minigame entry on the train on the way home. So, he pulled the emergency cord and jumped out of the train, wherupon landing in a farmer's field, he quickly coded this crap game on his laptop. Or at least I imagine that's what happened. But in any case, here we have a really involving simulation of the trials and tribulations faced by a modern day crap game coder. How will you cope as the CGC deadline looms? Will you make the right decisions leading to a succesful entry, or will you just pack it all in as a bad job and go down the pub? For those of you thinking of submitting a real crap game to the CGC, why not perform a "dry run" in this simulator first?
Comments	A fun poke at the trials and tribulations experienced by eleventh hour crap game coders. Now we don't want everyone to think that the CGC has its head up its own backside, but it's always amusing to get some self-referring titles. (Erm, didn't we get another one like this somewhere?) I played through this one a few times and I either got totally confused or I swear that a multiple choice answer I gave earlier was originally correct but later found to be wrong! I didn't look at the code but I assume it was written with the consummate skill of the ultra-experienced Dr BEEP. At least the answers are amusing!

UFO: UK
Author	Chris Young
Filename	ufo.tap
Year	2008
Position	39
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Those sleepless nights and the flashing lights. Those nightmares and the missing time. Those continuous headaches and recurring sore spots. Why did these unexplained things happen to you? Well fortunately, by playing this game you may well be able to finally put your mind at ease and regain some semblance of normality in your life. Did you know that there is a (sort of) innocent explanation for most UFO phenomena? It could be as simple as some heady New Year's celebrations. The truth is in this game - somewhere. On another level, it serves as a subversive commentary on the chronic underfunding and endemic apathy that has become entrenched in many government departments. Or something.
Comments	Inspired by the classic game "UFO: Enemy Unknown", this apparently hastily put together entry is rather hilarious. Taking less than an hour to write according to Chris, the game nevertheless retains that air of mischievous "off the wall" humour and jokey cynicism that characterise many of his other works. First judging pass I wrote:- "As I write this though I enter a state of mild panic as I realise that the compo isn't halfway though yet, and in one previous year Chris submitted 14 games to the CGC. How the heck am I still going to find interesting (or even dull for that matter) comments to write about on that many possible further games? Let's hope he doesn't do that to me! " Second judging pass:- "Phew, looks like things turned out fine just after all no matter how many games were sent in, but why do I still keep getting recurring nightmares featuring UFOs?"

UK101 emulator & MTV - 70's style
Author	James Smith (includes MTV by Gavin Callard)
Filename	UK101-More.zip
Year	2008
Position	55
Format	Timex TC2048, ZX Spectrum 128K, ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Again, the CGC is blessed with another true emulator from James Smith, aka Jimmy. This one emulates the Compukit UK101, a 6502 based kit computer dating from 1979. Gavin Callard has kindly provided yet another port of his previously entered More Tea Vicar game, specifically for this platform. The zipfile contains the emulator in tape format (which includes a game called "hectic") and also in snapshot format (which includes the "More Tea Vicar" game). It is strongly recommended that you read the file "instructions.txt" also included in the zipfile, which contains interesting info about this system and crucial instructions on running the emulator. You can run this on a standard 48K or 128K spectrum. It takes advantage of the extra RAM on a 128K system. However, to display all of the UK101's text columns, you should ideally run it on a Timex TC2048 e.g. in the EightyOne emulator. You can play this entry online via the "Golden Goose Arcade" section. The version with the game "MTV" just works automatically. To play the version with the "hectic" game, load "UK 101 emulator (with hectic game)" in the ZZ Spectrum Java emulator. When loaded, press 'C' for a (C)old start. For "MEMORY SIZE?" and "TERMINAL WIDTH?" you can just press ENTER for the defaults. At the OK prompt, slowly type LOAD <ENTER>. At the next OK prompt, press symshift-SPACE. (CTRL-SPACE on most PC keyboards). In the machine hypervisor, press 'P' to 'P'lay the tape. Allow the game to slowly load, and eventually it will autorun, and you will get an "INSTRUCTIONS?" prompt. Have fun playing 'hectic'!
Comments	This is the great thing about the CGC, two people collaborate to bring this quite unique entry to our attention. In fact I'll be judging this one purely as James' entry but credit must be given to Gavin Callard for taking on the challenge of porting his game to this obscure emulated platform! To clarify - Jimmy solely wrote the emulator, Gavin Callard solely wrote the MTV game that runs on top of it. As for the emulator itself, again it's a real genuine emulator and another technically impressive feat from Jimmy who has now built himself a reputation of entering titles that are far too good for the the CGC. Of course we really enjoy playing them anyway. I never even knew what a "UK101" was until this one was submitted! Best played on a Timex to view all of the text columns of the emulated machine. Verdict: Good stuff, but please something crap as well for the next CGC just so we know you can make something crap!

Ultimate First Communion Simulator
Author	Mojon Twins
Filename	ultimate-first-communion-simulator.tzx
Year	2008
Position	1
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	na_th_an tells me:- "Your goal is gain salvation. First walk in line to the church, trying to keep in line without crashing with your front or back pal. Then take communion from Mr. Parkinson pressing SPACE at time. And then, the longest gameplay in history! more than 67 years of gameplay, avoiding falling in the temptation of pressing SPACE to sin... If you manage to do that, you'll go to heaven. :D"
Comments	The winner of CSSCGC 2008 is a game that is fantastically crap! With vivid, colourful and detailed block graphics and gameplay and plot that just ooze originality. It's got a pretty wicked streak of humour too which caused much hilarity when played with office workmates. But, what makes it hilarious for me is the final message at what you think is the end of the game, telling the player that they are still in the game for another 67 years. In effect I am still playing it now! It has also unsurprisingly been reviewed by SnakeOilSteve in one of the earlier CSSCGC 2008 tape magazines.

Ultimate Jetpack Simulator 2008
Author	Mulder
Filename	UltimateJetpackSim08.tap
Year	2008
Position	20
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	Press SPACE to activate the jetpack as you travel through the sideways scrolling cave. You have a limited amount of energy available which will start to decrease if you happen to encroach outside the cave boundaries. Mulder tells me that the game gets silly by about level 21. Can you last that long? Features a full high-res UDG player character! Now you know how difficult it must be to perform repairs on the channel tunnel.
Comments	A nice little exercise in infinite futility appears as you guide what I initially though was a pregnant woman down an un-ending tunnel. Oh no, wait that's not a expectant mother, it's the rocket booster strap making a bulge over the player character's belly! Truly though I was impressed, this is the sort of thing they would have loved to put in the Cassette 50 compilation, of that I have no doubt. We also know this one has depth, because (a) it takes place under the ground and (b) it starts to get difficult by level 21! In any case, Mulder is no doubt glad he wrote this one, after all it did win the CSSCGC 2008 raffle.

Un-Space Invaders
Author	Apenao
Filename	unspace.tzx
Year	2008
Position	24
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	This is an interesting twist on the usual Space Invaders genre. Your goal is actually to save the invading alien civilisation from destruction by humans. The loading screen is reminiscent of a secret dossier smuggled out of Area 51, as commonly seen in the X-files. According to the author, there are three different possible endings to the game, depending on the decisions you may take. The first decision is whether or not to redefine the keys. I recommend that you do this even if you want to keep the default QAOP layout. The reason is that the "define new keys" option in itself gives vital clues as to the operations of your ship. I somehow managed a feeble score of minus 20 just trying to grab the screenshot. The screenshot required precise timing to grab because the game contains a near flawless textbook example of a "crap game" graphics routine, and should be studied carefully by budding crap game authors everywhere.
Comments	Quite a respectable crapness rating for this one. The player is initially left confused as to what to do apart from moving aimlessly around the screen in the midst of the ongoing interplanetary battle and the frame rate is suitably low for an invaders game written in BASIC. What really pushed this game up the scoreboard though is the graphic routine which only allows you to see the alien sprites for about half the time, as they are rubbed out during the other half. Well done! Nice "alternative" game concept also. At least the UDGs are finely detailed and gleefully colourful.

Twenty Commodes
Author	James Smith
Filename	vic20-177.zip
Year	2008
Position	43
Format	ZX Spectrum 128K/48K
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Description	Hot on the heels of the 6502 based UK101 emulator, Jimmy has now thrown down the gauntlet and taken emulation of 6502 systems to the next logical level on the Speccy. Now I announce his "Twenty Commodes" real VIC-20 emulator. Again it's crucial to download and read the accompanying "instructions.txt" file if you want to learn how to do further useful things with this emulator, like downloading and playing games on it for example. Also a "Spectrum --> Commodore" specific key reference is included in the comprehensive documentation. Run it on a 128K system if you want sound. The emulator also works on 48K systems but will be silent. Be amazed at this impressive technical feat! I'm sure this software would have caused a few ripples in the teacup if it was released back in 1983. *Updated 18/07/08* - Jimmy has released a newer version of the emulator, now available for download (and in the arcade). This one fixes a paging table bug and adds a minor speedup. Source code has also been updated for clarity. Jimmy has also provided a snapshot of the VIC-20 game "Blitzkrieg" running under the emulator. *Updated 18/07/08* - A bug was quickly noticed by Jimmy in the above version and so he has now sent me a newer fixed version of the emulator (v1.68). This is now available for download, along with another VIC-20 game, "GridRunner". *Updated 23/07/08* - Version 1.73 of the emulator now available. (around 4% speed up) *Updated 12/08/08* - Version 1.76 now available. (further 1% speed up) *Updated 04/09/08* - Version 1.77 released. Speed optimisation applied to keyboard cheking routine making the emulator generally run faster. Benchmark program has been reduced from 192 to 167 seconds. *Updated 11/01/09* - In preperation for submission of all CSSCGC 2008 games into the WoS archive, the zipfile for this game has been reduced to just version 1.77 of the "Twenty Commodes" emulator and instructions. In other words, the game snapshot demos have been removed. Thanks to Jimmy for reminding me to do this. For a demo of VIC-20 software running under Twenty Commodes, please instead download Crapendium from the WoS archive which contains three VIC-20 games.
Comments	With this one, Jimmy managed to exceed even his own usual standards, by breaking new ground with this VIC-20 emulator for the speccy. I have to confess to being addicted to using this one as it re-awakened nostalgia of messing around on my VIC-20 as a young child. So much so I ended up even developing a couple of simple BASIC games within the emulated system, not that I should admit this publicly. Again, it has to be said this program cannot win the competition as it is by far too good an entry! I gave it a controversial high score though as I have to respect the achievement even if it was entered into the "wrong" compo. Can't be helped though, since there is no compo called "8-bit emulators" as far as I know. Just a reminder:- this entry is a real emulator, not a joke one! Verdict: One for the WoS archive.

Virtual ZX Spectrum
Author	James Smith
Filename	virtual2.tap
Year	2008
Position	6
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K
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Description	To quote some fragments of James' Email to me:- It emulates a Z80 CPU and traps hardware/memory access to create a virtual 16K Spectrum. By trapping the ROM LOAD and BEEP calls it can be made usable so you can load programs into the virtual machine and hear it play tunes. It is self contained and even if you do "RANDOMIZE USR 0" it still won't reset the host. The only way to reset the host is to press the reset button, generate a NMI or use an emulator's debugger to change PC. The .TAP file I've enclosed does contain MTV at the end of it, but any 16K program can be used. There are still one or two bugs in the Z80 core as I know the Psion Planetoids ROM cartridge doesn't work (Space Raiders & Hungry Horace do though). It is also around 1/10th the speed of a real Spectrum. DP:- The screenshot I grabbed is from a one-liner program I co-wrote last year "1 Line Space Trader", running inside the 16K virtual machine provided by James' software. The downloadable tapfile and the one in the "Crap Game Arcade" both include Gavin Callard's ZX Spectrum version of "More Tea Vicar", which demonstrates the virtual host in action. Just load it up as usual with LOAD"" from within the virtual machine. *Updated 29/03/08* - James has released version 2.03 of this software, now downloadable via the download link. This version features some important bug fixes and improvements.
Comments	An exquisite idea, and it actually really works! Certainly, this program has pushed out the limits of the crap game compo yet again and you can now run crap games within a crap environment, making them even more crap. I have to ask what level of motivation does someone have, going to such lengths to code something so brilliantly crap? But then again the CGC relies on such hardcore dedication. This will be one to remember and we even had a stream of bugfixes and updates for it from the author who always provides an excellent level of support.

Game of the Yet to come
Author	Apenao
Filename	yettocome.tzx
Year	2008
Position	51
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Do you have a crystal ball available? No, you say? Why not, say I? Never mind, you don't actually need one because a slice of the future is about to be presented to you here and now! Having recently watched the sci-fi classics "Shape of Things to Come" and "Back to the Future Part II", I was now certainly well prepared for this title. Is this game more accurate than those films? Well, just about the only thing "BTTF PT.2" got right was the mass disposal of obsolete optical disk based media by 2015 (alleyway scene). I won't give too much away about this game though, providing only a glimpse of the mystical loading screen on this page. Suffice it to say that its predictions of the future would not be out of place in the BTTF timeline known as "1985-A" (the violent timeline that is!). It is my duty to point out that CSSCGC 2008 cannot be held responsible for any injuries that may occur during the playing of this title. Perhaps the author is a "Three Stooges" fan? In any case, I was warned by Apenao that if I like this title then I must be ill. I'm probably somewhat ill (no secret about that) - but I do like this title, because it's the only one I've seen so far (or can remember) that features the word "CRICKET" in it. You impressed me with that Apenao, hehe!
Comments	Excellent! Spooky loading screen sets the tone for what I think is going to be some really mysterious "Twilight Zone" style capers. Imagine the hilarity that ensues as this game is really a set of instructions in how to assault your opponent in traditional slapstick style. Multiplayer only unless you are some sort of masochist who likes to apply pain to themselves. Actually, you are interested in the CGC and are reading this. Therefore you must be a masochist! Joyous overuse of the FLASH attribute and vivid colours makes the text-jumbled screens enough to give anyone a headache, but that's nothing compared to the headache you'll get if you actually play it as "player 2".

ZX Outlook
Author	polomint
Filename	zxoe.tap
Year	2008
Position	95
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K, ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
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Description	This version of Microsoft Outlook for the speccy is in some ways better than the original. For starters, it loads a damn sight quicker and has less problems. For example, it doesn't leave a permanent translucent blue rectangle in the bottom of my screen because I am receiveing a spam email every 7 seconds. It doesn't fill up with endless jobs and tasks that I must "urgently" attend to either. Finally, I don't think this one would a headache to install in a public computer laboratory with mandatory or roaming profiles. Right, that's settled, I'm moving over to this one on my work PC! But seriously, in this entry at least the effort was made to make some nice border UDGs around the simulated app whilst still retaining a general air of crapness. Now I just need to find the "out of office autoreply" option.
Comments	With marginally more functionality and a much greater stability than the real thing, this is really a lesson to Microsoft how things should be done and of course you don't need a gigabyte of RAM to do it either. The extra feature I really like though is the fact that you don't receive any emails in it from work or annoyances like that. Everyone should ditch the Microsoft version and use this one instead - you will be fitter, happier and more productive. I'm not sure when the next service pack for it is due out, perhaps CSSCGC 2010 at a guess! Clearly, you can use this if you want to kiss goodbye to spam problems as well. Watch out for the BSOD (Black screen of death) though on trying to launch the browser - followed by a swift reboot (so realistic!).

Redefine Keys The Adventure 2008
Author	Firelord
Filename	ZXRedifineKeyboard-Theadventure_v2.zip
Year	2008
Position	65
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	Have you ever played any speccy titles where redefining the keys is the best part of the game? I know I certainly have. Here, this great tradition is taken to its logical conclusion. Pay homage to those great "redefine keys" sections that we know and love (and of course are typically insanely overcomplicated). Play this for half an hour and you are guaranteed to start believing that your keyboard is broken or else you be sorely tempted to smash it up anyway. If we learn anything from this game it is surely that those poeple who went out and bought a kempston interface where missing all the fun. Download the supplied archive to read the author's accompanying doc file and supplied image. Those files could somehow be put together to make a cassette inlay for this title, but I don't believe for one minute that anyone out there is sad enough to do that! *Updated 18/05/08* - v2 of this game has been released.
Comments	A thoughtful prominent spelling mistake appears in this send up of the perennial agitation caused by overly complicated "define keys" screens. This entry takes the concept to a stupendously frustrating level. I may have been tempted to name this one "Redefine Keys The Ordeal 2008", as for me use of the word "Adventure" somehow conjures up mental images of an apple and a loaf of bread in a knapsack and the slaying of an orc with a silver sword. I don't think you can possibly win this game, but after several minutes of playing I'd say that my willpower had been sufficiently drained to the point where I just wanted to escape it. So, job well done in that respect!

ZX Road King
Author	mile
Filename	zx_road_king.zip
Year	2008
Position	90
Format	ZX Spectrum 16K
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Description	From the supplied instructions:- ZX Road King by Mile Well done for buying the ZX Road King, kudos. In this package you will find the most advanced sat navigator currently using the WALATS system. The WALATS system uses up to date road signs and directions given by POTSOTS. The good people at MBM have added a personality to the ZX Road King, so even if you have a car with one set you will never drive alone again, the also allows you to drive in the car pool lane according to AMDTP. Look out for new versions with even more exciting destinations. copyright MBM the directions in the ZX Road king are in no way to be copied onto a scrap of paper and given to your mate. we in no way take any responsability for you getting lost.
Comments	Welcome to the grim reality of modern day urban Britain. On my first attempt I stupidly went the wrong way and was brutally stabbed in the neck. That'll teach me to pay more attention to the in-game descriptions! On my second attempt, I happily won the game, actually taking notice of textual hints on that occasion. Great to see "Sugar Puffs" mentioned in a crap game entry. Always evokes memories of those ads with the Honey Monster and Henry McGee. Although by the end of the game, the Sugar Puffs are humorously forgotten about and instead a Twix is mentioned giving this game the honour of "best product placements" in CSSCGC 2008!

ZX Webcam
Author	polomint
Filename	zxwc.tap
Year	2008
Position	89
Format	ZX Spectrum 48K, ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
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Description	Again, we find an updating of the functionality of the standard speccy to allow it to perform useful modern-day funtions, like digital photography for example. The simple interface is to be commended, reducing the task down to a simple point-and-click type operation. Now you can admire your own photogenic looks which will give you the self confidence to say "I am beautiful", as you walk down the street with your head held high. Of course a saying always to bear in mind when using this program is "the camera never lies".
Comments	Oh no, the TV is staring at me again! After the government-backed plot to control my mind via a series of hidden messages in a Chris Tarrant gameshow was thwarted, I thought that was the end of me being spied upon! How could polomint tweak my emulator to do this? Clearly I need to get a shave (and also replace that green light bulb with a normal one). You may be perplexed as to what this program is until you press the C key and the joke will be revealed. Photographs on the speccy can look frighteningly realistic, particularly if you squint slightly or otherwise bring the image out of sharp focus. Verdict: Good for a quick laugh.