Arcade Magazine: Games Night Lottery

Robin with a Speccy
Robin's shopping list
Spectrum (used)£10.00
Games (Valhalla, The Hobbit, The Great Space Race*, Space Raiders, and assorted, mainly mouldy others)£Free

Robin was recently featured in Arcade magazine's "Games Night Lottery" feature in which each of the particicpants was fictionally allotted a fictional lottery win, and then challenged to spend it on whatever gaming stuff they could afford. Robin's prize? £10. So what are you going to do with your winning tenner then, Rob? "Buy a Spectrum, obviously. And shit-loads of games. It'll make me a very happy man."

Robin used to write for YS as the resident Sam Surgeon, as you'll already know if actually paid any attention to any of YS:AC (which you probably didn't). "The Sam Coupe was this crap Spectrum derivative that no-one bought. I didn't have one, even though I had to write a monthly column dedicated to the damn things. I fact I only had a go on one twice."

Rich's Shopping List
A development team's wages for about 2 years£2.6million
Pre-production (half a million copies)£4million
European marketing£3million
"Miscellaneous" costs£0.4million

Rich was also part of the Games Night Lottery. His Win? Ten Million pounds. After specially rigging the cards to ensure he scooped the "jackpot" (and reassuring him that the money would appear in his bank account the following day) he went a bit mad. After a few hours of debauched celebration, he decided to try to live out his lifelong nerd dream - to star in a videogame of his own. Here's a snippet of the conversation that took place between our Rich and Codemasters' public relations man, Rich "Nice Guy" Eddy.

Pelley:(Enthusiastically)Hello, I've just won £10 million. Can I buy Codemasters?
Eddy:Er, no.
Pelley:Can I buy a stake in Codemasters, and then tell you all what to do?
Eddy:We'd rather you didn't.
Pelley:Can you put me in Prince Naz's boxing instead of him?
Eddy:Go away.
Pelley:But I'm absolutely wedged with cash! Can I go to the TOCA 2 development team and get them to write a game about me called Richy Rich's Magical Adventures In Groovy Land?
Eddy:Call it what? Er, maybe. But you'd have to get your design approved through Richard Darling.
Pelley:Can I *buy* Richard Darling's approval?
Eddy:I really don't think so.
Pelley:How much will it cost to write and publish my game then?
Eddy:Depends how complicated it is. But even if you did buy the TOCA 2 team you'd have to finance people's wages for about 2 years. You'd then have to pre-produce about two million copies, advertising costs would run into millions. And you'd have to contribute to the company's running costs.
Eddy:You may make a return on your investment but there are never any guarantees.
Pelley:Might I have enough money to buy Codemasters, sack everyone and employ all my friends instead?
Eddy:No, you don't even have enough friends. Look, please leave me alone.

Click. Buzz. Rich looks around in puzzlement, then wanders down the pub and makes a £10 million indecent proposal to Robin's girlfriend.

* The Great Space Race was long considered to be the worst game ever. The instruction book is like a comic. At the time it cost £14.99, double the price of anything else.