Trainspotters Through History (3)

A Series In Conversation With The World's Greatest Trainspotters


No 699. Bernard "It's A Booty" Matthews

Hello. I'm Bernard Matthews - a cheery, honest, salt-of-the-earth 'turkey farmer' from Norfolk. I started my business years ago, by planting a turkey in the middle of one of my fields - but soon realised that mass turkey production wasn't as simple as that. Indeed no. Mind you, after several other abortive attempts, I chanced upon a fool-proof method involving a lady turkey and a gentleman turkey. I won't go into details here, but it worked brilliantly - and after a few years I had over 20,000 birds! But what could I do with them? Then I had a brilliant idea - I could kill them and turn them into turkey burgers. Ideal for Sunday lunch, Saturday teatime, weekday treats. But first I had to advertise them on the telly and needed a big star to do the promotion. However, after reflecting for three femto-seconds I decided to become a big star (and save some money) by doing the promotion myself. But I needed a catchphrase. "Pieces Of Bird You Thought We'd Never Flog?" suggested one employee, who I immediately sacked for being 'oosless.' Then I had a brainwave - a catchphrase based on a regional accent, my regional accent.
"Bootiful! Really bootiful" was coined , and what an overnight success it was! Everybody in the country started repeating the phrase, and sales of my turkey burgers went through the roof. I'm brooliant! Really brooliant!

Taken From Your Sinclair issue 45